To not make Christmas dinner dairy free??

[Bellyblueboy]

Very early I know! I cater Christmas dinner every year for my family. I am single and child free but I host for my parents, brother, sister and their families. My parents stay with me for a few nights. It’s a lot of work.

My nine year old nephew was diagnosed as lactose intolerant this year. So of course I will be researching this and making sure his starter, main and desert is lactose free. I even thought of putting little flags in bowls that are lactose free. I was going to order little flags with a picture of a cow crossed out! Make it fun.

my SIL has said it will be unfair if there is food on the table that he can’t eat so the whole meal has to be dairy free.

I order Black Forest gateau every year - my parents love it. Apparently no. He never eats it - I get kid friendly deserts for the four children.

I am a lazy cook - I get the whole meal from marks and Spencer! Prepared mash the lot. I am now told I can’t do this as there are milk products in the mashed and roast potatoes. It would be a huge amount of work to do everything from scratch, I don’t want that to be my Christmas Day and my cooking skills aren’t up to it.

I have said no - this is what I am doing. My brother is now annoyed that i won’t bend to his wife’s demands and have ruined Christmas. I had said he is welcome to come to my house and do the cooking, or host. Or eat at his house then come for coffee and presents. He has told on me! My mum is upset that she won’t have all her family round her at Christmas - dad was ill this year and they have been looking forward to a relaxing Christmas! Agh. It’s only September.

rant over. But honestly give it to me straight am I a selfish child hating spinster! Would you all accommodate this???

I'd be afraid your brother and SIL will ruin the day now i.e. they will come because it's easier for them but they will complain incessantly.

Do Christmas this year if you really want to but personally I would find myself invited on a Caribbean holiday.

Let your mother deal with her own son for once.

@Bellyblueboy they are completely out of order. They should either host, or offer to bring a few dairy-free options.

I say this as someone with a lifelong, life-threatening allergy to nuts, and with kids who have multiple allergies (think gluten,egg, nuts, seeds). I would either host myself or offer to bring plenty of options. I would certainly not be dictating to my host that they can't have certain things, particularly if they aren't life threatening!

my SIL has said it will be unfair if there is food on the table that he can’t eat so the whole meal has to be dairy free.

Then tell the cheeky cow that she's now cooking the Xmas dinner. Sorted.

There will also presumably be drink on the table he can’t drink. Unless they think he should be able to neck some Prosecco or a nice glass of seasonal port.

They’re idiots OP.

Tell them now that this is the last Christmas that you are hosting! Those leeches are always at your house for two days not contributing and bitching!

Starting informing them now that for Christmas 2024 you will be in Antigua

The temptation to say “I didn’t think it would be a problem as you still eat dairy (and feed it to him) at home” would be eating me up!

Beyond rude to dictate what someone serves in their own home, especially when that person is going above and beyond to be accommodating.

You sound a lovely aunt op, I would bake this my last time hosting and let them all get on with it

Sorry but I just bought roast potatoes from M and S - they don't have dairy - at least not the entire range. You can make mash easily with lactose free milk. No sure about butter.
A little dairy will not hurt - for instance the butter. However I wouldn't say this to the parents.
There are lactase tablets you can buy to help digest lactose. Available from holland and barratts - unfortunately the NHS hasn't made them available via prescription like other progressive European countries. I am unsure if they are suitable for children but perhaps suggest this as well, so he can enjoy the lovely desserts etc

I've just read through your posts OP and blimey YADNBU. You sound lovely and generous and your family are just cheeky and taking advantage!

What you have planned sounds absolutely great and frankly they should be grateful that you host them at all. I have to say, in your position I'd be so sorely tempted to say I'm really sorry but due to the excessive demands of certain family members this year I'm not going to be able to do Christmas this year, and probably won't be able to host going forward either, so best you all make your own arrangements going forwards.

Maybe that would make them think. I have to say though that in my experience (long years as a parent and working in a primary school) the parents of DC with allergies or intolerances generally fall into one of two camps:

-sensible, practical, pragmatic, genuinely appreciative of any extra effort taken to accommodate their DC
-utterly entitled and rude, expecting the world to bend over backwards for precious little Flossy-Jo and delivering an absolute earful (either in person or via email) if the world doesn't.

Sadly your family sound like they fall into the second camp!

Imagine being "baffled" by something the OP has answered numerous times

@nonheme a little dairy will not hurt - for instance the butter
You have no idea if that's true or not, hate that type of attitude.
So many alternatives out there now, Flora plant butter, Pure etc.

Your brother is a bully and your mother is a manipulater. Uninvite the lot of them.

You need to take a serious stand on this

I’m baffled you can type at all.

There are lactase tablets you can buy to help digest lactose.

Are there? You would've thought someone might have mentioned that!

Not having a go...

Amen to this.
People on here saying that a specially bought chicken breast is 'sad', or the child will feel 'left out' if other people are eating a Black Forest gateau when he doesn't even like it can give their heads a wobble and go back to martyring themselves for their own families.

I nominate "It's easy to make dairy-free mash" as the new "cancel the cheque"

Bloody hell OP - you are so kind doing this for your family year after year and they are definitely being silly about this in my opinion.

It's not like you're offering your nephew beans on toast for his Christmas dinner! It's a perfectly lovely meal for him which is dairy free.

Stick to your guns - this is ridiculous and to be honest, very rude of them too. They should be grateful!

Enjoy New York next year 😜

I find butter substitutes disgusting.I'd rather not have anything added than ghastly Flora or plant butter.

OP I do think put it back in their court tell DM she can source and make a dairy free meal if it's such a big deal to her and DB, or likewise to SIL.
They are being entitled arses and not acknowledging the effort you go to to provide a Christmas meal - and all the other meals around it - is plain rude.

OP I am like you, not overly fond of cooking so everything for Christmas comes from M&S. If people want something different, they are welcome to bring it. In your circumstance I'd do exactly what you are doing. It's not like your nephew is going to be bereft about missing out on cauliflower cheese.

@rookiemere I find butter substitutes disgusting.I'd rather not have anything added than ghastly Flora or plant butter
That's fair enough, its personal taste, I was talking more about the "a little butter won't hurt" attitude.

Some people are being very hardh for you OP, you provide the child a proper meal, and make sure everyone is fed. You brother could bring their own additional dishes if they think this is not enough. Seems he only wants to inconvenience you, and your mother is creating drama for the sake of it. I hope your family enjoys a meal cooked by someone else next year! :)

How do you know if I am speaking from experience or not. Have a day off!
Why would anyone make that statement if they are guessing? Did I say "I guess"?

She is cooking dairy free food for her nephew. I'm baffled by how you can have such poor reading skills.

Flip your SIL is crazy. You’re making sure there’s stuff he can eat, that’s sufficient. It’s not like he has an airborne allergy and can’t be in the room with dairy.

How do you know if I am speaking from experience or not
You don't get to decide whether "a little butter won't hurt" when it comes to someone else.
If you know them personally and that's the case, then fine.
To say it as fact for others though, no.

Have a day off!
🙄

@SuperNewMe Hosting a dinner and not providing food your guests can eat is pointless.
What if it was a nut allergy?
We are taking about making mash with lactose free milk and that's it. What else are you making OP with dairy?

The child will be fine without the cake. His diagnosis is for life and he will learn to eat other desserts (while others eat the delicious dairy desserts) usually sorbet and fruit when he goes out for dinner. Lately there are more lactose free ice creams in this country more than 5 years ago!