To not make Christmas dinner dairy free??

[Bellyblueboy]

Very early I know! I cater Christmas dinner every year for my family. I am single and child free but I host for my parents, brother, sister and their families. My parents stay with me for a few nights. It’s a lot of work.

My nine year old nephew was diagnosed as lactose intolerant this year. So of course I will be researching this and making sure his starter, main and desert is lactose free. I even thought of putting little flags in bowls that are lactose free. I was going to order little flags with a picture of a cow crossed out! Make it fun.

my SIL has said it will be unfair if there is food on the table that he can’t eat so the whole meal has to be dairy free.

I order Black Forest gateau every year - my parents love it. Apparently no. He never eats it - I get kid friendly deserts for the four children.

I am a lazy cook - I get the whole meal from marks and Spencer! Prepared mash the lot. I am now told I can’t do this as there are milk products in the mashed and roast potatoes. It would be a huge amount of work to do everything from scratch, I don’t want that to be my Christmas Day and my cooking skills aren’t up to it.

I have said no - this is what I am doing. My brother is now annoyed that i won’t bend to his wife’s demands and have ruined Christmas. I had said he is welcome to come to my house and do the cooking, or host. Or eat at his house then come for coffee and presents. He has told on me! My mum is upset that she won’t have all her family round her at Christmas - dad was ill this year and they have been looking forward to a relaxing Christmas! Agh. It’s only September.

rant over. But honestly give it to me straight am I a selfish child hating spinster! Would you all accommodate this???

You’ve no idea what this kid can tolerate.

Im dairy intolerant and a little bit of butter makes me very unwell the next day.

As I said - you can't say that to them. BUT generally it won't if you haven't been having dairy at all for a while. You will have accumulated enough lactase to digest even one meal - generally. But everyone is different.
It's intolerance not allergy.

I would just use lactose free products to make the things for everyone. Lactose free milk, cream, cheese and if lactose free butter is not available then just use alternative spread etc. But I wouldn't make everything dairy free

I haven’t rtft fully but have a recommendation for your SIL and nephew…my daughter (9) and husband are both lactose intolerant and they take lactose enzyme tablets (they’re chewable) before they eat anything that is a known trigger for them. Stops any of the nasty side effects they get if they’re ‘lactosed’. We buy them on Amazon for around £9 for 120 tablets.

Hence why I said you can't say to people. Everyone Is different! He may be old enough for lactase tablets if he can't avoid dairy.

exactly this! although don't always work very well all the time. It's also tricky to gauge how many you need.

You’ve no idea what this kid can tolerate.
Im dairy intolerant and a little bit of butter makes me very unwell the next day.
Exactly, and I'm the same.

@nonheme - the OP doesn’t want the extra work of peeling potatoes and making mash for everyone, so she is going to make some dairy free mash for her nephew, and serve everyone else the pre-prepared mash she gets from M&S that has cream and butter in it. Given that she is catering for so many people (and paying for it all), I think that this is a perfectly reasonable compromise.

Didn’t read any of it, did you?

@nonheme
It's intolerance not allergy
Yes, and it presents differently in everyone.
Lactose tablets aren't just something you decide they might be able to make them tolerate the milk more!
Not anyone else's call to make.

Jesus Christ, I can't believe the cheek of your brother, SIL and also your mother!

What really takes the biscuit is insisting that the whole meal is dairy free when they don't even have a dairy free household at home - and - don't even ensure the son actually fully avoids dairy products anyway!

And the cherry on top is the fact that your dear brother never brings anything to contribute! How you've withheld from throwing all of this back in his face (and your mum's) is totally beyond me. They sound like complete arseholes and would be getting very short shrift from me!

Ignore the batshit responses suggesting you're being unreasonable, you're clearly bending over backwards to accommodate the child and are being way more than fair. You do owe your brother, his wife and your mother some home truths though!

Op I feel you are being judged harshly on this thread.

You have suggested ways to accommodate your nephews intolerance. It is something he needs to get used too and as you said not life threatening like an allergy.

Keep doing you and your Christmas and ignore your brothers annoyance! Especially as they don't contribute!

Fair enough. It did have a comment to this specific situation and then I continued how I'd do it (or how we do it). But the first part is not there and I can't be asked to retype. So I'll live with the shame 😅

I've a severely lactose intolerant DS, he'd be thrilled with your food. And I'd be appreciative of your efforts to cater for him. His parents are being ridiculous and unreasonable. You're very considerate.

I think the big question is why aren't you the golden child? You obviously go above and beyond for your family and for what? What do they (the adults - it sounds like the kids appreciate you) do for you? Or is it just assumed because you apparently have the time (cos childfree and single people have no other life), the money (being a selfish career woman an'all) and the spacious house (which of course you should instantly hand over to your brother as he has CHILDREN and get yourself to a one bed flat*

• I might just be expressing my own bitterness about my own fa ily here 🤣

There's nothing fun about not being able to eat half the food on the table.

Goodness, some of the people on this thread!

Think about it like coat hooks at school. There is one for Olivia with her name on it, that you can't use. There is one for Jack with his name on it, that you can't use. BUT there is also one with your name on it, which you very much CAN use.

So everybody has exactly what they need for themselves, nobody else's is better or worse - just marked very, very slightly differently. Why would you be jealous of Jack's virtually identical one?

It’s so stupidly easy to cool diary free food so why wouldn’t you??? I’m baffled that you would even consider not doing this.

It's even easier to do beans on toast - but there's a thing called personal preference. Sometimes - especially for special occasions like Christmas - people like to eat what they want, rather than just the easiest thing for them to cook.

Then stay the fuck home!

As someone with a food allergy I absolutely think you sil is being unreasonable. My approach is always just to politely ask the host to check the ingredients and let me know what I can’t eat. Generally I end up fishing labels out of recycling but I don’t expect the world to revolve around me!

Theres nothing he’s missing out on eating and I think they’re overreacting BUT to be fair they are probably still getting used to the situation and in a few years hopefully they will realise they were overly precious.

Christmas at yours sounds really good to be fair…

Then stay the fuck home!
Well aren't you a delight 😂
Don't worry, people would much rather stay at home than come to yours feeling like they're such an inconvenience.
It is shit not being able to eat anything when you've been told "it's fine".
(Not saying that's the OPs case as does sound like is at least trying to make a nice Christmas dinner for him)

My family wouldn’t be so entitled as to try to dictate what I can serve, especially when they don’t have an allergy! Plus they contribute and help wash up. And I do the same at theirs.

If you acknowledge OP is trying to give him a nice a Christmas dinner then what’s your point?

Honestly some of you would argue with your own shadow!

It’s ok! At least you were nice about it.

Here the tldr:

OP’s nephew will have a dairy free version of absolutely everything he enjoys and others will still get to have what they enjoy, too.

OP, fuck off the lot of them and I'll come instead. I've even got two boys you can dote on.

Seriously, you're doing more than enough. You sound amazing. Your family are lucky to have you. I just wish they realised!

I’d say no more about it and then on Christmas Day announce that you have prepared a dairy free meal for your brother, SIL and nephew as you know they don’t want you nephew to be the only one eating dairy free. Then don’t offer your brother and SIL a single dairy item 😈. If they start to take the cauliflower cheese, say “oh no sorry this contains dairy, I’ve made this (horrible) dairy free option for you”. When it comes to dessert, present them with their dairy free desserts while the rest of you tuck into the lovely Black Forest gateau.

I didn’t realise people felt so strongly about lactose intolerance! My daughter is lactose intolerant with symptoms very much like OP’s nephew and she either avoids dairy or takes a Milkaid tablet before meals. I’d be baffled if someone produced a completely dairy free meal just because she was in attendance, especially when a dairy free version of her meal was available.

I can’t believe someone thought the nephew’s parents would be grieving over a diagnosis of lactose intolerance!

What strikes me as interesting is why none of the entitled DF everything lot on this thread cannot articulate why OP just be held to these incredibly high standards, but it is ok for the child’s parents to have dairy in the house, regularly consume dairy and even allow the child to consume dairy?