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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That this is a reasonable request and I don’t deserve to be told to fuck off

281 replies

Berriesareexpensive · 16/09/2023 15:51

I have 3 dc. 20, 16, 13 plus me and dp

I do 2 food shops a week and meal plan. Without fail twice a week the older 2 dc will see the shopping arrive and eat as much as they can, if I’ve got 3 of something one of them will have 2. Time and time again 13 y o ds goes without

I’ve come in today from work and older 2 have eaten all the strawberries that only arrived this morning (3 punnets). I’ve spoken to them both and been told to fuck off! Why do they insist on eating more of their share every time knowing that one person will then go without ?

I can’t just buy more as I’m trying to budget and this is really irritating me

OP posts:
xyz111 · 16/09/2023 21:05

What was your response to them saying that?

Dymaxion · 16/09/2023 21:10

Get oldest DD to get a job working in hopsitality for six months, hospitality is like the National Service for modern times ! She will learn how to deal with people of all shapes and sizes and levels of inebriation, lots of transferable skills which will put her in good stead for absolutely any other career.
Next food order - liver and onions, just that, nothing else. Pick up anything else you fancy from a shop in person Grin

empee47 · 16/09/2023 21:11

SootyDog · 16/09/2023 15:56

I'd boot the 20 year old out if they told me to fuck off. I've got a nineteen year old and a seventeen year old and I can't imagine them carrying on like this.

This! Exactly.

LuluBlakey1 · 16/09/2023 21:51

Berriesareexpensive · 16/09/2023 15:52

The F off was in response to me explaining that as they’ve had ds share of the fruit that me dp and ds were going to be having their share of something else as ‘that’s not fair’

You don't sound outraged by being told to 'Fuck off'. I would be absolutely furious and they would not be living in my house and treating me like that.

Pallisers · 17/09/2023 00:43

I'm just trying to imagine who or what in your life has done such a job on destroying your self esteem that you can watch a fully grown adult that you support entirely, sit there in your house, eating your food, telling you to fuck off when you ask them to be considerate, and wonder if you are being unreasonable.

yes. This is what strikes me. I'm a nice and very indulgent mother - to my adult children - but if one of them told me to fuck off because I called them on eating food that was meant for everyone - I would go ballistic. My natural reaction would be to be really really angry and I don't get any sense of anger from the OP. She came on MN to see if she was being unreasonable.

OP, something is off here and you need to value yourself and your work and your contribution to your family way more than you do.

The one thing I have learned in life is that people - even those that are supposed to love you - take you at your own valuation.

Annaishere · 17/09/2023 00:57

When I buy fruit I get equal amounts for me and my teenage son kept on opposite sides of the fridge and he isn’t allowed to eat mine. This is after he ate about a kilo of strawberries in 6 hours

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 17/09/2023 01:09

Pallisers · 17/09/2023 00:43

I'm just trying to imagine who or what in your life has done such a job on destroying your self esteem that you can watch a fully grown adult that you support entirely, sit there in your house, eating your food, telling you to fuck off when you ask them to be considerate, and wonder if you are being unreasonable.

yes. This is what strikes me. I'm a nice and very indulgent mother - to my adult children - but if one of them told me to fuck off because I called them on eating food that was meant for everyone - I would go ballistic. My natural reaction would be to be really really angry and I don't get any sense of anger from the OP. She came on MN to see if she was being unreasonable.

OP, something is off here and you need to value yourself and your work and your contribution to your family way more than you do.

The one thing I have learned in life is that people - even those that are supposed to love you - take you at your own valuation.

Yes, this.

Nobody tells me to fuck off. Let alone some upstart, ungrateful dependent.

Bootsandbooks · 17/09/2023 01:31

They’re hungry, growing, hormonal young adults. If they’re consistently eating more than their fair share - a portion size that you have (clearly incorrectly) deemed to be appropriate - then they’re clearly hungry. Your youngest will shortly start doing the same thing. The answer is: buy more food for all of them.

Lizzieregina · 17/09/2023 01:51

Bootsandbooks · 17/09/2023 01:31

They’re hungry, growing, hormonal young adults. If they’re consistently eating more than their fair share - a portion size that you have (clearly incorrectly) deemed to be appropriate - then they’re clearly hungry. Your youngest will shortly start doing the same thing. The answer is: buy more food for all of them.

The OP clearly said it isn’t in her budget to buy more. Not everyone has unlimited funds.

Whatifitallgoesright · 17/09/2023 02:01

Bring back shame.

echt · 17/09/2023 02:05

Bootsandbooks · 17/09/2023 01:31

They’re hungry, growing, hormonal young adults. If they’re consistently eating more than their fair share - a portion size that you have (clearly incorrectly) deemed to be appropriate - then they’re clearly hungry. Your youngest will shortly start doing the same thing. The answer is: buy more food for all of them.

What utter bollocks. Leaving aside the question of funds, exceeding their fair share doesn't mean they are hungry. They could just as well be greedy.

justanothermanicmonday1 · 17/09/2023 03:23

Maybe they oldest DD should volunteer at a food bank or homeless shelter to help her CV.

It could also show her how people are really struggling financially and can barely afford to feed their kids.

It could also teach her not to be so greedy, selfish & rude. This attitude won't get her far in the real world. She needs a wake up call OP!

TheMountainsCall · 17/09/2023 05:01

It's not acceptable to be told to F off for trying to manage the household budget by a fair distribution. I hope the 20 year old is paying their way. If not, time to start.

jolaylasofia · 17/09/2023 05:06

don't have deliveries scheduled for when you are not there (unless i've got that wrong)
other than that- just don't buy anything. get little one a mini fridge for their room and stock it up, the other 2 can buy treats with their own money they are old enough.

Aria999 · 17/09/2023 05:17

You should never accept anyone telling you to fuck off. It's rude.

user1492757084 · 17/09/2023 06:24

I would be claiming ALL of the family shop for your own benefit OP.
The older two should purchase their own snacks - apart from water, tea, coffee, milk, set biscuits in a tin, set bread and spreads and anything else you agree to.

You should be able to rely on the order to be there for you to plan meals, that they or you cook and eat together as a family.
Part of being in a family is helping out.
When the order arrives the older two could put the food away - but not hog into it.
Their behaviour is gravely greedy, selfish and obstructive.
Swearing at you is even worse. Your partner and you should demand a change in attitude, an apology and a committment to thinking of others.
The 20 year old, I would ask to find other living arrangments if they could not reform.

Mumof2teens79 · 17/09/2023 06:51

My kids do similar either the food shopping.
And despite "hittthe roof" or explaining calmly they continue to do it.
But no neither would swear at me or get away with telling me I was over reacting.

I just stop buying nice stuff

Magenta82 · 17/09/2023 07:26

This sounds really difficult, its not fair on you or your son. Did you have a conversation last night? How did it go?

TrulyScrumptious22 · 17/09/2023 08:00

Your kids tell you to fuck off because they over eat strawberries when you ask them not to? This is disgusting. If me and my siblings had done this (which we wouldn't because that bit how we were brought up) our parents would have never stood for it! We've never sworn at at parents or elder family members and my children certainly wouldn't who are a mixture of teens and younger ages. We gets cross, voices have been raised then we talk it out like normal people. Being told to fuck off over strawberry eating? What a miserable bunch of kids, I'm sorry you've ended up with such a horrible pair of young adults, if they treat you like this god knows how they treat everyone else around them. I wouldn't have them in my house anymore and if there is no choice they can buy their own food and if they complain tell them to fuck off and see how they like it, awful behaviour

MrsMarzetti · 17/09/2023 08:42

You have allowed your children to be obnoxious for years and now you are reaping the rewards. Tell the adult Daughter that she has to move out and make sure the 17 year old knows that it will soon be following her if they don't buck their ideas up. Stop treating them like children.

linelgreen · 17/09/2023 08:49

I can honestly say that none of mine would ever speak to any adult like that. They have been brought up knowing what is and what isn't acceptable and that behaviour that is unacceptable would have consequences and we have followed through with actions - the eldest once spoiled parts of a holiday by his attitude and after a stern talking to was told he would not be coming with us next time and we carried this out by going on next holiday with just the youngest 2 DC and leaving him at home with grandparents. They need clear boundaries when growing up.

Defiantjazz · 17/09/2023 08:51

Er…you asked them not to eat more than their fare share of the food that had been purchased on their behalf and they told you to fuck off?
Kick the 20 year old out. Wait a few years and then kick the 16 year old out as well 😂

DoorStopper · 17/09/2023 08:51

You allowed your kids to swear at you? Why?

PupInAPram · 17/09/2023 09:41

Bootsandbooks · 17/09/2023 01:31

They’re hungry, growing, hormonal young adults. If they’re consistently eating more than their fair share - a portion size that you have (clearly incorrectly) deemed to be appropriate - then they’re clearly hungry. Your youngest will shortly start doing the same thing. The answer is: buy more food for all of them.

OP said they were/are both well behaved in school and rude at home. That's not hormonal, it's a choice, and a dickish choice at that.

gamerchick · 17/09/2023 09:47

Some attitudes on this thread is why we have a generation of entitled young adults who will need their arses wiping well into their 20s. We've failed this generation. No wonder mental health issues are so rampant in it. Ridiculous.

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