That this is a reasonable request and I don’t deserve to be told to fuck off

[Berriesareexpensive]

I have 3 dc. 20, 16, 13 plus me and dp

I do 2 food shops a week and meal plan. Without fail twice a week the older 2 dc will see the shopping arrive and eat as much as they can, if I’ve got 3 of something one of them will have 2. Time and time again 13 y o ds goes without

I’ve come in today from work and older 2 have eaten all the strawberries that only arrived this morning (3 punnets). I’ve spoken to them both and been told to fuck off! Why do they insist on eating more of their share every time knowing that one person will then go without ?

I can’t just buy more as I’m trying to budget and this is really irritating me

Or she is just plain lazy and entitled. Not everyone has to have autism and ADHD.

@Wsmi I don't write things like that lightly! It's common with ADHD to be fully focused on the applications but lose interest or not feel capable when it gets to interview stage. I'm not sure what this has to do with entitlement.

Many people don't have £10 just to spend on fruit- and after having already bought a significant amount.

I love how everyone become an armchair psychologist. I’m now on two threads were people have made an ADHD diagnosis on very little information with presumably no qualifications to do so. People need to stop pathologising peoples behaviours flippantly- it isn’t helpful to anyone.

A mother that is mean with food is never a good look!

No way that I'd have ever told my mum to fuck off nor have I been spoken to like that by my own children. The sheer lack of respect is astounding.

Who pays their phone bills/contracts? If neither are working then presumably you??
I would confiscate both their phones for 24 hours and tell them that if they continue to disrespect you by stealing food and swearing at you then you will just cancel the contracts altogether!!
I’d always find a punishment if my DD swore at me like that… if they have a TV in their room I’d take it, even if if was a hassle taking it off the wall I would just to prove a point. I’d change all the Netflix etc passwords and not give them the passwords….or something similar!
I’d 100% find punishments that hurt them though!

A 20 year old pigging out on food and not leaving any for anyone else is dreadful behaviour a mum looking out for everyone else in the family is a great look!!.

20 year old would be out the door. 16 year old would be following soon if didn't start showing some respect.

Serious conversation needs to be around the 20 and 16 year olds' attitude to you and your home, rather than the food (symptom of their bad attitude). Make sure your DP understands that his DCs told you to 'fuck off' having eaten the food that was for everyone. 20 year old should be paying board and rent and do own chores e.g. washing, ironing, cleaning room etc. Ground the 16 year old.

As to the food, which is the focus of the problem, only buy the necessary food, no treats, so strictly what is to be cooked from scratch - somehow I doubt they will be eating raw sprouts or carrots etc, or raw meat. If you are going to make something with strawberries buy on way home. Anything immediately edible buy separately and lock in the fridge or cupboards. It's inconvenient but you are not a lodging house nor your DCs servant - make that clear and also that they leave if they do not abide by your rules. Make sure DP knows all this before 'serious discussion' and that he will back you (which he should).

Children who tell their mother to fuck off are not a good look either, and she's not mean with food, just wants the DCs not to eat all of what is meant for everyone.

Not asking, telling the eldest to move out.

And with rent/house prices the way they are it’s just ‘that simple’.

It’s not being mean to expect 3 punnets of strawberries to still be there in evening. 2 people eating 3 punnets meant to last 5 people several days isn’t on.
Op is at work to earn money to buy the strawberries but isn’t getting a look in as unemployed adult is greedily eating them all.
I wouldn’t tolerate being sworn at or them eating all food.
Short term can unemployed 20 ye old take over food planning/shopping and cooking as their contribution to household. The frustration of someone having eaten all the x when need it for evening meal and no money to replace is on them.
Longer term they need to move out. Look further afield at work and live in options?
Agree what are acceptable snacks - rest check before eating or buy own.

One is female. Other than that unspecified. But does it matter? Whichever sex they are they were unforgivably rude and completely out of order.

Buy your youngest his own little fridge for his room and fill it with all the things he usually misses out on and put a lock on the new fridge :)

Yeah everyone saying a 20 year old should be moving out and I’m over here thinking how that’s hard enough when you’re in a job earning good money. How on earth is DD meant to be able to afford this?!

Instead of booting out your own kids, I think it would be more sensible to get to the root of her bad attitude.

If any friend, family member or loved one told me to fuck off I'd be utterly, utterly shocked, and if they didn't profusely apologise and give me an explanation of why they spoke to me that way, they'd be out of my life (or whatever the reasonable equivalent is depending on the person).

Is it not an exceptional and grievous incident for you to have someone tell you to fuck off? It shouldn't be normal!

Re my last question there I mean if someone says in in earnest, as opposed to a lighthearted or joking "fuck off".

Why are you allowing a 20 year to talk to you like that as well as sponge off of you? Why is 20 year old not contributing to shopping? I wouldn’t be waiting for any husband to get home I’d have hit the roof there and then, they both would be fucking the fuck off out of my house there and then. You need to stand up for yourself, on what planet do grown men speak to their mother like that? No wonder your fed up your being treated like an absolute twat!!

A 20 year old should be working full time for a start, pretty easy and very common to flat share and look after yourself at the age of 20. There’s no need to still be at home she/he needs to grow the fuck up.

I think the eldest should be signing on and job hunting full time. Presumably she can go and replace the food? I’d turn the WiFi off during the day. Too comfortable and spoiled is how this comes across.

The real question here is …why have you allowed him to speak to you in this way? That’s a hard line unacceptable for me, he’d be invited to move out asap and not to touch any food he hasn’t bought for himself until then! It’s disgusting, greedy, selfish behaviour then to swear at you for being called out in it? Nasty, entitled behaviour.

I'm just trying to imagine who or what in your life has done such a job on destroying your self esteem that you can watch a fully grown adult that you support entirely, sit there in your house, eating your food, telling you to fuck off when you ask them to be considerate, and wonder if you are being unreasonable.
^^ I thought the same as this poster. Why are you so passive when it's your house, your food, your money?

Give your 20yr old an ultimatum, either they are respectful to others and follow house rules or they leave. If they say they can't afford to then say tough figure it out.
Tell your 16yr old no phone and any more disrespect they will be following the 20yr old out the door. You need to shock them.

As for thinking they were sons it's because most teenage boys are fridge locusts with hollow legs compared to girls. It's a thing.

Good luck OP. Hope your DP thinks the same.

Tell the 20 year old to fuck off out of your house if they’re going to speak to you like that! They are an ADULT and should buy their own damn food. Disgusting & entitled to speak to their mum like that!