That this is a reasonable request and I don’t deserve to be told to fuck off

[Berriesareexpensive]

I have 3 dc. 20, 16, 13 plus me and dp

I do 2 food shops a week and meal plan. Without fail twice a week the older 2 dc will see the shopping arrive and eat as much as they can, if I’ve got 3 of something one of them will have 2. Time and time again 13 y o ds goes without

I’ve come in today from work and older 2 have eaten all the strawberries that only arrived this morning (3 punnets). I’ve spoken to them both and been told to fuck off! Why do they insist on eating more of their share every time knowing that one person will then go without ?

I can’t just buy more as I’m trying to budget and this is really irritating me

We had this as kids (v low income family). We had our own little spot in the cupboard for 'our' stuff, mainly treats / snacks. We pretty much had very basic fruit and stuff though so we didn't have to deal with someone eating all the nice fruit.

Heada would roll if ANY of my children spoke to me that way! If DH heard it, their feet wouldn't touch the ground!

My 6yo knows how many frubes he can take, leaving the rest for sibling. A 20yo taking more than their share is unbelievable.

All you people going on about what fire and brimstone you would wreak upon your kids for telling you to fuck off....would not one of you ask yourselves where it came from, and whether such a fire and brimstone environment might play a part in it?

Do you mean he'd physically assault your children?

Their feet wouldn't touch the ground is a turn of phrase, it doesn't mean they will actually be physically assaulted any more than saying heads will roll means they are about to be put on the guillotine

Tell the 20 year old to fuck off and get their own place. Tell the 16 year old they're on sufferance for 2 years then they can fuck off too.
Room in shared house is the norm for 20 year old. Necessity is the mother of invention, they will soon be working 50 hours a week and buying their own strawberries.

Tell the 20 year old to fuck off

🙄

God help any child of mine telling me to fuck off, the 20 year old wouldn't be under roof anymore I can tell you. Grow a spine OP, this isn't acceptable, and likely hasn't happened over night as an isolated incident.

My point is that I knew I had a safe place to work through my anxieties and come out the other side in a supportive environment. It was in my interest to play my part in ensuring an harmonious, respectful home environment. I don't think it's self congratulatory to draw a comparison between how bad my anxiety was and how far I was able to come, with my parents' very gracious and generous support.

If I had have sworn or been disrespectful to them, they may not have been so keen to let me take my time working through what I needed to while living in their house, at very low financial cost to me.

If the OP's daughter has such crippling fears of getting a job, maybe she needs a chance to consider some alternative options and think about what will be the most supportive environment for her to thrive in. If she is so scared of work, she should do what she can to ensure that the status quo is working for everybody who currently lives in the home.

What are the consequences for behaving like fearless and entitled little shits? I’m guessing not much. They simply do not respect you. At all.

How does your child tell you to fuck off😭

It's high time the 20-yr old moved out, if they are not being co-operative. It might then be easier to deal with the 16-yr old.
All kids over about the age of 7 should do chores appropriate for their age for pocket money, or get none. Younger kids, maybe learn to wash down kitchen surfaces and keep things tidy in the kitchen, or dust one of the rooms each week, as they get older, they should help with drying-up or washing up, for even older ones, more things like cleaning and so on.
And no kid in my house would get to eat anything without asking. Even when an adult at home from college for a holiday I'd have asked before eating food, and would never have taken more than my share. I'm not old enough to be a grandma and I would still ask Mum before eating things when at her house. That's just basic good manners.

I ahve every sympathy with kids looking for work, but it seems to me you are making this one too comfortable at home. If she was doing her share of the housework and behaving well in terms of being grateful and not taking more than her fair share of things, it would be different. But she isn't. It's high time she learned that it costs a lot in money and effort to run a household; having to pay her own rent and buy her own loo rolls would be a good lesson- she would be unlikely to be ble to afford to eat more than one punnet of strawberries at one go if she was paying her way on her own.

I'd say these kids seem to have had a deficiency of fire and brimstone if anything. We were not allowed to behave like that. So we didn't. Precisely because there would have been fire and brimstone if we'd tried that sort of selfish behaviour on.

I'm astonished at the number of people calmly telling you to get locks for the fridge etc, like this is remotely normal. My kids are around the same ages and if the older two had thoughtlessly eaten way more than their share of freshly arrived shopping, I would express my displeasure and it just wouldn't happen again. What has gone on in your household long before this that they think this is OK to do again and again, and tell you to fuck off when you pull them up for it? I think this is a bigger problem than fridge locks can fix.

And fruit isn't a 'treat'. It's part of a balanced diet. What is wrong with everyone?

This^. An excellent post.

They sound really, really horrible. Your 20 year old is a grown up not a child. I cannot believe they swear at you like that, and are selfish enough to eat that food. They do it because they have no respect for you. Tell the 20 year old to leave if she doesn't like the house rules. What money do you give her? Whatever it is, stop it as a consequence. Remove phone of 16 year old. As others have suggested put locks on cupboards and fridge. Don't put up with it, it's not fair on your youngest.

This kind of situation is where locks on fridges and cupboards start to sound reasonable.....I'm not joking.
Buck up or F off and fund your own food young ladies.
Job, any job, a necessity, or she takes on cleaning and household duties to a satisfactory level if she's home all day living rent free.

We have basic house rules with food. Fruit - Apples, pears and oranges - eat your fill. Other more expensive fruit like strawberries and blueberries everyone get one on their fridge box - we have small boxs for personal food. Rest of the food they don't touch without asking as usually need for dinners or lunches.

They can eat a such cereal and toast as they like. Again each has snack baskets in cupboard that they can eat. Anything else is needed for planned meals and isn't touched.

If its not in basket or designated fruit or cereal then they have to ask before eating.

We have a tight budget.

I'm just trying to imagine who or what in your life has done such a job on destroying your self esteem that you can watch a fully grown adult that you support entirely, sit there in your house, eating your food, telling you to fuck off when you ask them to be considerate, and wonder if you are being unreasonable.
You poor thing. You must really be going through something.
If course its not bloody unreasonable. Your daughter needs to put down the fucking strawberries, get off her arse abd get a job, buy her own strawberries and start paying her way. It's actually not hard to get a job. It's hard to get a decent job yes, it's hard to make a living wage sometimes, granted but any idiot can get a job in mcdonalds or tesco or somewhere. It's not like she needs something perfect, she's living at home. She just needs to do something or piss off into the real world and tell her landlord or her boss to "fuck off" when she doesn't like something.
Sorry, I didn't mean for this to turn into a rant but jesus fucking christ. Some of us had been living independently for at least a couple of years by 20. I'm embarrassed for her.

To those going on about the eldest assumed to be being boys, Yes, we ought not to make assumptions, but in defence of those who did, boys do tend to have big appetites for food in their teens so I can see why the food aspect might have caused people to jump the gun.
The behaviour is, however, exactly as bad and unacceptable whoever is doing it, whatever their gender/height/hair colour/anything else.

Being told to fuck off wouldn't work in my house.

Honestly, you do need to grow a spine OP. Telling you to fuck off when reprimanded for eating most of the food paid for by you, and leaving none of the nice food for the youngest is extremely poor behaviour and I wouldn't be tolerating it. As for the posters trying to defend these selfish people - I despair.