That this is a reasonable request and I don’t deserve to be told to fuck off

[Berriesareexpensive]

I have 3 dc. 20, 16, 13 plus me and dp

I do 2 food shops a week and meal plan. Without fail twice a week the older 2 dc will see the shopping arrive and eat as much as they can, if I’ve got 3 of something one of them will have 2. Time and time again 13 y o ds goes without

I’ve come in today from work and older 2 have eaten all the strawberries that only arrived this morning (3 punnets). I’ve spoken to them both and been told to fuck off! Why do they insist on eating more of their share every time knowing that one person will then go without ?

I can’t just buy more as I’m trying to budget and this is really irritating me

1. Get a couple of fridge and cupboard locks. Have a cupboard for all non-perishable treats and lock your fridge - you can buy two for under a tenner
2. Tell your 20 year old that he needs to apologise, start paying his own way (does he pay rent) and buying his own food, and if it happens again he will be moving out
3. Tell your 16 year old that he needs to apologise, punishment needs to be removal of some privilege he holds dear- phone, electronic device etc, and he is on basic rations until he learns to share. Toast, pasta, portion of fruit that you will dole out and basic protein and veg.

2pcs Refrigerator Door Locks with Keys, Self Adhesive Freezer Lock Child Proof Window Door Locks Child Safety Locks for Cabinet Cupboard Drawer Kitchen (Oval Shape) : Amazon.co.uk: Baby Products

You need to take charge here. It sounds like it might be the tip of a much bigger problem, as no way would my children get away with speaking to me like that, and they are autistic and struggle with self regulation around food. I create packs of treat foods for each child (also teenagers) for the week and have to lock everything else away, otherwise one will just eat it all, so I do know have some experience of this. The difference is that he apologises and we have agreed the above strategies together so everyone gets their fair share.

I can’t believe you’re accepting a 20 year old and a 16 year old telling you to fuck off when you complain that they’ve eaten someone else’s food.

I wouldn’t be buying them food. Fridge locks, and the 20 year old would be given their marching orders. They need to learn respect sharpish if they’re going to make it in the world and that doesn’t seem to be happening at the moment.

How dare they hurt you because they were acting selfishly.
At their ages, they really should know better.
Do they show respect to you otherwise?

They're not too young for you to bellow HOW DARE YOU TELL ME TO FUCK OFF and tell them to get out for the rest of the day. Indeed, how dare they!

20 year old would be told to shape up or ship out. Bi wouldn't be spoken to like this in my own house. And he'd be paying rent too the cheeky little shit.

That's horrible of them. Were they like this when they were younger?

My children wouldn't dare talk to me like that, why do you need your DH there to have a word are you frightened of them?

And the 16 year old isn't too old to get his arse slapped. Honestly no teen in my family would dare speak to me like that.

Fridge locks aren't the solution, they are old enough to understand sharing food within a household.

They need to learn some respect for you. They treat you with respect or find alternative accommodation.

Is the 20 year old working, if so they should be contributing to the food budget and providing their own snacks.

When did your children start thinking it was acceptable to speak their parents any kind of way? There isn't any time that it would ever have even occurred to me to tell my parents to f*ck off!! You're feeding these ungrateful little shitbirds, providing a roof over their entitled heads, and this is how they talk to you??!! Apparently they're under the impression that they are in charge.... maybe they are in your household.

Oh no, no! Time to boot the eldest one from the nest! Let him/her talk to flatmates like that, see how that works out for him.

I think tbh it will be the conversation asking eldest to move out

Wow. You don't deserve to be spoken to like this by anyone, let alone your sons. How disgusting.

No it seems to be with the col issues that as we’ve had to budget more they see it as some kind of survival of the fittest scenario it’s ridiculous

Don't ask him, tell him, he has no respect for you.

Are the older kids boys, op?

I would have actually been told to move out if I swore at my mother. Do not tolerate this. The food thing is just a symptom of a huge lack of respect for you. You need to tackle this. Get your husband on board and stick together as a team with a zero tolerance policy. You just cannot accept this.

No - you don’t ask him, you TELL him.

Mine would need to make an abject apology and accept restricted access to treats, or he will be out.

My 20 year old talks to me like I'm shit on his shoe. I don't know what the answer is. You don't deserve it op.

The 20 year old would be told to use the front door and not come back
The 16 year old would be you shape up or go as well

Like fuck would I be treated like in my own home.

Your kids told you to fuck off?

Eating the strawberries is the least of your worries...

2 girls and youngest (13) a boy

Why is the 20 yo still living with you? Why aren’t they doing their own food shop?

I voted YABU because you’ve created this situation OP, it can’t have materialised overnight. If I’d lived at home a day after I finished my A levels I would have been booted out. Fortunately, I left at 17 and never returned.

The answer is to tell him to leave, which is exactly what the OP should also be doing. Don't ask him tell him he's not welcome in your home if he thinks so little of you.

You need to make it clear that they will be out, whether a uni student or not.

Mine are not perfect - the eldest squared up to me when he was 14, which we dealt with firmly. That’s the key - they will need to learn respect by understanding the unpleasant consequences that will follow if they don’t show it.

If my YA kids told me to fuck off. I’d be a lot more upset than about strawberries.