That this is a reasonable request and I don’t deserve to be told to fuck off

[Berriesareexpensive]

I have 3 dc. 20, 16, 13 plus me and dp

I do 2 food shops a week and meal plan. Without fail twice a week the older 2 dc will see the shopping arrive and eat as much as they can, if I’ve got 3 of something one of them will have 2. Time and time again 13 y o ds goes without

I’ve come in today from work and older 2 have eaten all the strawberries that only arrived this morning (3 punnets). I’ve spoken to them both and been told to fuck off! Why do they insist on eating more of their share every time knowing that one person will then go without ?

I can’t just buy more as I’m trying to budget and this is really irritating me

Jesus, give it a rest 🙄

Stop buying treats and give the youngest one extra money to buy his own. If my two sons told me to F off they’d live to regret it. That’s unacceptable - at any age.

Scared of failure? Scared of the responsibility of having a job? Are these jobs not in the industry she wants to work in? It's interesting that she is keen to make applications then sabotages it when she gets an opportunity.

Very few 20 year olds really love living at home with Mum and Dad. She can't be happy with this situation either.

Jesus, the tone has really changed since it was clear the eldest wasn't boy, hasn't it?

There’s a lot going on here.
No child should tell their parent to fuck off, but DS has a couple of times when he’s not in a good place (has some mental health difficulties), and he does apologise swiftly when i say that’s not on (he’s v late teens). I let it go as I know it’s his primitive brain or whatever(!), but he is usually v respectful, says thank you for dinner, is
a kind person etc. I certainly wouldn’t throw him out, but if this is a pattern of disrespectful behaviour there is an issue going on.
I would never have told my mum to fuck off, but it was a different era when no/one really swore on tv and it was seen as vulgar.
if your DD hasn’t got a job despite looking or cba with it, it seems like there’s a lack of direction as well or ‘what’s the point cos I won’t get it anyway’ type behaviour.

The 20 year old can go and live somewhere else for a start!

My kids would have told me to fuck off once.

16 year-old would be minus any funds/transport/co-operation till he spoke to me with respect

Yes and quite a lot of responses at first presuming it was boys behaving badly.

Yes it's very noticeable isn't it. Funny that.

Does the 20 year old work?

Can you, for the time being, have shopping delivered when you're home? Keep it basic and just buy treats for the youngest that you can give to them directly

I have a boy and girls. They'd have been treated the same if they'd behaved like that - and I answered after I'd read the OP's posts

20 year old would be out the door, 16 year old would get a final warning. I would not tolerate being sworn at by my children.
Cut out the nice food. Provide the most boring cereal for breakfast, pasta and veg for dinner with apple for pudding. Day after day after day. Water, tea , instant coffee only to drink.
Do that for a month and maybe they’ll become civilised.

Just don’t buy the nice stuff or devise a way that your younger child gets some as he’s clearly not getting any after the older 2 Scoff it all. They sound like greedy little shits, disrespectful too and don’t put up with it. I have 4 boys and they do eat a lot - no experience with girls but food is expensive in any family let alone one with 3/4 kids and ones that eat everything!!

Moreover in a couple more years you’ll have the ds behaving like this…

Surely you mean TELLING them to move out?

To be honest the only conversation I would be making is asking/telling your 20 year old daughter to move out. How has it got to this point? I think it has got beyond the point of a sit round the table talk. She is clearly not respecting bounderies. See how she afford her own strawberries when she has to live independently.

@SurprisedWithAHorse

She's 20 YEARS NOT 20 months.

The daughter may well have crippling anxieties about the world of work, but that doesn't take away from the fact she told her mother to f off when asked not to eat her brother's food!

I actually had a lot of anxieties about getting a job and had absolutely zero confidence At that age. I lived at home with my parents until I was 26 and went to university as a mature student. I couldn't look people in the eye and my self esteem was on the floor. I literally couldn't work in any job which required having any kind of interactions with people. When I say I had no confidence, I mean it!

I figured it out and now have an incredibly demanding, front facing, professional role but at no point did I ever swear at my mother while we lived together. I knew the consequence and I did what I could to make sure that I didn't have to go into the real world and fend for myself! Living at home was a safety net for me while I figured everything out and I knew it. I wasn't going to jeopardise it for anything!

Stop funding the 20 yr old. Give them their own budget for food and make it explicitly clear that they are not to eat food which you have bought. Give them the bare minimum in essentials such as toiletries and tell them that they will need to earn their own money now. The disrespect is shocking and this is the consequence.
The 16 year old needs to have consequences for the disrespect and attitude. I hope they all cook at least one meal a week.

How dare they? Seriously - if any of my adult children told me to fuck off regarding food I was buying and they were selfishly eating so that other family members got none at all, they’d be moving out. I mean it. That just wouldn’t work for me: the selfishness, the ingratitude, the verbal abuse, the disrespect.

I have among my DCs a 19 year old and a 15 year old. My children aren’t allowed to swear in front of me till they’re 18 and would get a solid dressing down for swearing at me EVER.
The 19 year old has been dossing about since May when they left college. They were told in July they better damn well have a job by September or there would be consequences. And they were made to do chores during the dossing about time. They started full time work last week.

Im sorry but I suspect you need to lose your shit with your “children” a little and I hope to god you aren’t funding the 20 year old?

My dc are in their 30’s, never once sworn at me or dh.
The disrespect is awful.
I wouldn’t be buying any treats for them for at least a month.

It would be the last time I bought food for them. Absolutely intolerable behaviour.

Buy basic stuff only. Take youngest out for a treat once a month to make up for it. Eldest needs to start paying towards upkeep. Take a token from her job seekers allowance if she has no other income. If you are giving her an allowance then reduce it and put it towards food. Tell the 17 year old this will happen once s/he is 18.

My kids aren't perfect, but if they ever told me to fuck off then it would be for the last time.
I couldn't tolerate that.