That this is a reasonable request and I don’t deserve to be told to fuck off

[Berriesareexpensive]

I have 3 dc. 20, 16, 13 plus me and dp

I do 2 food shops a week and meal plan. Without fail twice a week the older 2 dc will see the shopping arrive and eat as much as they can, if I’ve got 3 of something one of them will have 2. Time and time again 13 y o ds goes without

I’ve come in today from work and older 2 have eaten all the strawberries that only arrived this morning (3 punnets). I’ve spoken to them both and been told to fuck off! Why do they insist on eating more of their share every time knowing that one person will then go without ?

I can’t just buy more as I’m trying to budget and this is really irritating me

I was wondering the same thing.
My son today told me to shut up.
He now has no phone for the rest of the day. He's 9. I didn't raise my voice but the tone changed, I actually spoke more purposefully and quieter some would say in a sinister fashion. I just won't tolerate disrespect. He tried to make it into a joke, probably because he felt embarrassed at what he'd said. I wasn't fucking laughing.

Behave. Most 20 yo continue to live at home - or at least in holidays if at uni. Being a nasty shit to your mother isn't a consequence of living at home too long.

The twenty year old can fuck off and get their own place
16 year can get a part time job to pay for their food
Padlock the cupboards and the fridge.
Problem solved

I wouldn't be spoken to, in my house, by anyone like that. Show 20 year old the door and tell the 16 year old that either he improves his attitude or he'll be joining him. Take the router to bed and keep nice food under lock and key.

If my DS (who's a little younger) spoke to me like I'm shit on his shoe, there'd be shit on my shoe. As it would have lodge so far up his arse...

DH and DS always check if it's OK to take extra of certain food in the cupboards. Not everything, just a conversation like 'OK if I have a bowl of cereal as a snack?' just in case I wasn't planning a trip to the shops the next day. Just like I do if I fancy extra of something DH has bought. It's polite to check so the person who bought it can say 'no, we won't have enough left unless you're going to go to the shops tomorrow because I'm not'.

I think it smacks more about lack of respect in the house that they think this behaviour and saying that is acceptable.

It's a simple if you can't behave with respect which includes just shovelling all the food without a second thought then they should look for somewhere else to live.

Living at home isn't the issue. I lived with my parents until I was mid 20s but we all got along fine and I respected them. My mother cooked my dinner and I always said thank you and cleaned the kitchen afterwards. I brought whatever I was asked to and contributed whatever they wanted (wasn't much). I never told anyone to f off and if I gave the slightest whiff of attitude I was reminded where I was living and told that other options were available! I knew what side my bread was buttered and acted accordingly.

Is the swearing normal

That sort of response and attitude would not be tolerated in my house ! So disrespectful.

Where has she learned to tell people to fuck off like this?

They don’t usually sweat to be fair, but they never listen so there’s a definite lack of respect for any rules

Swear !

I have young adult children and I just can't imagine one of them telling me to fuck off. Did you not lose your shit with them OP?

You and your partner need to get very angry about this. Not nice chats around the table but don't you ever ever dare to speak to me like that again.

With the food - you are going to have to lock it away. Which is an awful commentary on your 2 eldest.

Because this economy makes it impossible for anyone under 30, or earning under £30k, to move out?

The first thing I'd do is lock them out of the WiFi while I worked out how to deal with the disrespectful little shits. Does they even pay rent?

What is the 20 year old doing? Are they at uni or working? If they are working then with that attitude they need to move out. And if they are at uni and moving out isn’t doable, then they still need to be buying their own food and cooking and cleaning up after themselves.

It’s not ok for them to talk to you like that @Berriesareexpensive

Looking for a job and not having any luck (goes to lots of interviews but in my opinion isn’t making a real effort)

That 20 year old needs to be finding a place to rent.

The 20 year old needs to move out. That's not on.

I think most kids will always be selfish and only really start to get better in their 20's.

In the meantime - I have these for the most coveted snacks in the house.

20 year would be moving out if it was me.

I don’t know what’s best to make them realise they need to change. But I agree with you that they can’t keep doing that.

Originally I was going to ask if the 20 yr contributed financially?
If you've effectively "paid" for your food, you may feel entitled to eat what you like...
But I cannot get past the swearing at their mother.
My young adult children would be asked cooly and politely to pack and leave at that point.
I think the 16 yr old would probably toe the line then
I also wondered why you're doing all the meal planning and shopping...twice a week ffs !
Sounds like mum is general skivvy to all.

If it wasn't for the swearing I'd be saying a family meeting to see if maybe the problem isn't greed but maybe you're not actually buying enough...but....the swearing at you...I just cannot...
I'd call a family meeting tonight with all presents and state calmly that the swearing is unacceptable and that from now on 20yr old can either move out or but their own food and their own small fridge.
The family fridge and cupboards will have a lock on it and the 16 yr old will need to ask permission to access it.

It might be hard for the 20 year old to move out in this economy, but that doesn't mean you can't have the "time to move out and get a job" conversation with them and see if it provokes some change.