AIBU to flex the truth on how long we've been trying

[mariannaf]

The older you get the longer, on average, for the average person, it should take to conceive, right? So why is it that couples over 35 have to wait a shorter amount of time before the docs will seriously consider helping them?

Let's say 2 couples have been trying for 6 months. One couple is 40 years old and the other is 25 years old. At 25yrs the average couple who are healthy would (probably) conceive before 6months and the fact that they haven't might indicate that there's an issue. Whereas at 40 the average may be above 6 months, and certainly longer average time at 40 than at 25, so the fact they haven't might mean they haven't been trying long enough. So why would the docs be willing to help the 40y.o but not 25y.o?

The reason I'm asking all this - we've been trying 5mo and so far no luck. We would be going via the private route anyway whether we go after 12 months or now, so is it worth flexing the truth a little and going to a private fertility clinic already for IVF or other treatments? I feel like even at private clinics, when we are happy to pay and not use NHS funds, they would stick with the 6mo vs 12mo rule because it is policy. We are 29 (me) and 34 (him). We've done sperm testing - he has borderline low sperm motility (29%) and borderline low sperm morphology (3%). We've also checked my uterus, fallopian tubes, done hormone testing on me - all fine. He is taking supplements

i have 3 friends who lost weight with healthy eating and walking (no alcohol) advised by doc one of them so they all took the same advice and they fell … it worth a go if not been considered before. I wish you all all the best that you all have success very soon. I had secondary infertility ..with second child… i fell when doc said .. “take folic acid “ … after a good year. Poss coincidence of course

5 months is no time to be honest. Our GP told us to come back after a year.

Honestly, you sound really rather unhinged, OP. Why on earth do you want to put yourself through invasive treatment at 29, having only been trying for 5 months?! I think you must be very naive about what it involves and impatient to the point of insane

My first baby was conceived straight away, we assumed second baby would be the same but actually took 5 months.

I know it feels like forever but might be worth just trying for a little longer rather than the stress of medical intervention.

You might have already done research but we stopped using lube (sorry TMI) after trying for months, read somewhere it can prevent implantation and i did get pregnant the following month. There’s such a short window each month and so many things to impact it

I was 29 when I fell pregnant with my first and it took us 13 months to get pregnant. I was 30 with my second and it only took 3 months.

5 months really isn’t that long. You can’t compare yourself to women over 40. The reason they don’t have to wait long is because they don’t have long left to be fertile. At 29 you have plenty of time.

Ok, so it's normal for it to take a year. You are panicking too soon. I had friends who conceived the first time and others who took a couple of years. Please don't panic. I actually had IVF and I will tell you it's a harsh process, I will also tell you that success rates for IVF are going up all the time so if it's needed it's there and can work. I understand your anxiety, but averages just don't work that way, there's going be people on either end of normal. If your DH has those mild issues perhaps you will be the ones that have to wait a bit longer, but it's ok. When it happens all this worry is instantly forgotten.

Let me start by saying I empathise and know how you feel. For us our first was conceived really quickly (quicker than we expected). But our second when we started trying it took over a year (ages 28 & 29 so similar). I started to wonder if it was ever going to happen at around 4-5 months as well. But we couldn’t afford private treatment so just kept tracking cycle ovulation tests etc. Strangely around mid October we stopped actively trying and decided a second wasn’t meant to be so fair enough. And focused on Halloween / Xmas etc with our daughter. I found out I was pregnant after a late period in the January. So there’s still time. For us it was about 13 months so just over a year for it to happen. So don’t give up hope. But if you feel you’d like to seek treatment feel free. I’d perhaps give it another month or so just so you can know you tried 6 months. But don’t put pressure and stress on yourself, you’re still young and there’s time. You’ve got this and whatever route you go I’m sure you’ll end up happy as a family in the end.

Don’t mean to be rude but you have t been trying that long

I’d give it another year and if no pregnancy then look at IVF. It’s invasive and expensive and your life isn’t your own whilst going through the treatment (that’s how my best friend described it).
anyway, I know so you say you can’t stop thinking about TTC but it’s only ever happened to myself and those I know when we did stop “trying”. In my case 20months..it was hell and then we thought stop trying as we had a trip booked, I fell pregnant…and missed the trip. The minute the pressure was off to get pregnant I think that’s what worked.
I’m also one for saying enjoy your life now, go on dates and enjoy each other and when the timing is right for you then it’ll happen

Buy a plot of land and make plans to build a house. Go on Grand Designs. You are guaranteed to be up the duff as soon as the roof develops a serious leak and needs redoing at a cost of 10K.

There is no evidence of this link at all.

It is more likely the ASD issues come from being an older parent whom are more likely to use IVF. My IVF children are healthy as are many IVF children.

Where's your evidence? Most IVF children I know are healthy. As of yet there is no evidence of any health issues.

I would say 5months is too early to panic especially at your age. It usually takes up to a year even for a healthy couple. It would be good for both of you to take vitamin supplements for conception, available at Boots. Also if either of you are overweight then work on losing weight as it can help with conceiving. Good luck!

No, it's not true, most study's show otherwise. I've read one that found IVF children are more intelligent. There is a very slight increased risk of birth defects when a technique know as ICSI is used. You also need to think about the reasons people can't convince, it could be age or very poor sperm quality, they are the reasons behind the problems children have, not the actual process of IVF. A good friend of mine is a Lesbian and her and her wife used IVF. Their children are healthy and thriving. They are good at sports and academically ahead of their peers. They are also extremely attractive children. It's almost the opposite of what you are saying.

There are studies showing that boys conceived via ICSI for male infertility may inherit their father’s sperm problems.

https://www.theguardian.com/science/2016/oct/06/boys-conceived-through-ivf-technique-icsi-have-lower-than-average-fertility

The children sound similar to mine. Tall, active and intelligent. In my six year olds case too brainy sometimes! 😂

There are many, many articles published about an increased risk of birth defects and childhood cancers.

There's one here - but there are lots more if you google.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7026576/