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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My son being told to walk to school with another child!

282 replies

SunSeaSand55 · 15/09/2023 15:32

My son is in Yr 9 and walks the 10 - 15 min walk to school with his friend who lives over the road. Coming home today our new neighbour asks to speak to him and says her son has just started in Yr 7 and she's having to pay for a taxi to take him as she's working and doesn't want him walking alone. She then asked if they could walk together. My son barely had chance to speak and she just said thank you so much and walked away! As a working parent myself I totally get where she's coming from but think it's a bit cheeky. My son walked on his own right from the beginning until several weeks in when he made friends. He is now stropping as he doesn't want to have a Yr 7 walking with him! Apparently it's very uncool and Yr 9 do not associate with younger year groups!!
I am not going to tell the other mum my son isn't happy but I do see his point. He shouldn't be responsible for someone else's child. Should he just suck it up?

OP posts:
Inkpotlover · 15/09/2023 20:50

allmyliesaretrue · 15/09/2023 19:41

100% this.

Great way to teach your child to be selfish and lacking in empathy.

Show quote history

The flip argument to that is it's important to encourage your DC to impose boundaries and not be forced into doing stuff they aren't comfortable doing.

HateTheView · 15/09/2023 21:28

Rinoachicken · 15/09/2023 15:40

You just go round (or drop a note through the door if you must) that simply says

It is not appropriate for my child to be responsible for another younger child he does not know. You will need to make alternative arrangements if you child is unable to walk to school himself.

The woman will just say her dog ate the note (or whatever) and never saw it! Then be cross when your son doesn't walk with hers. Definitely speak to her in person.

JudgeRudy · 15/09/2023 21:34

Why aren't you going to tell the mum he's not happy? Does he want you to? Do you think he could sort this himself?

Original poster
SunSeaSand55 · 15/09/2023 23:00

Omg I've just finished work (I have a 2nd job at a pub on Fri evening) Cannot take in all the answers yet but I am SO RELIEVED most i've read think my son shouldn't do this. I was completely caught off guard. I was thinking wtf but then my overly caring side kicked in and I thought I would be awful to say no. Before I went to work tonight I briefly spoke to my son and him and his friends are not happy. I had suggested they do it for 1 day if they all agree. If not then I now have complete confidence in telling my neighbour SHE IS BEING UNREASONABLE asking. You know you really doubt yourself sometimes from trying to be kind and doing the right thing. And god knows how this 11yr old child feels knowing he is being told he has to walk with 2-3 year 9 pupils. Btw no mention of home time. Literally walking on a morning only which is why I felt it might be not that bad initially.

OP posts:
duc748 · 15/09/2023 23:09

She is being unreasonable. You don't want to be unkind, or unfriendly, sure, we get that. But inveigling your son into it like that is pretty shoddy and rude. Speak to her. Maybe a few honest words will sort it out.

Totallyterrific · 15/09/2023 23:52

If its only a 10-15 minute walk theres no reason why the neighbours kid cant walk it alone. Hes bound to make a few friends that live on the route fairly soon.

Totally unreasonable to expect your son to chaperone him.

AndWordsWhen · 16/09/2023 00:36

Usually these arrangements are made between friends, when both the families and the DC know each other. It's a bit odd to be asked by someone you don't know well, because it's not a trivial request. I think I'd pop round and say your son will walk with him for the first day, but can't commit to doing it on a daily basis.

JST88 · 16/09/2023 07:15

Y7 walking alone 😥😥 But yeah no way your Y9 child should be responsible for her Y9. She should be ensuring her kid gets to bloody school safely. Whenever I’m out and I see a very small child walking to school alone I just think how on earth a parent could work/live happily without the knowledge their child was safe, in this day & age with trafficking and how easily they would be to abduct at that small age it just doesn’t bear thinking about

Mummyoflittledragon · 16/09/2023 07:48

LudicrouslyCapaciousBag · 15/09/2023 17:35

There is some weaponised passive-aggressive guilting on this thread.

A Year 7 who can’t do a ten-minute walk independently either has particular needs or vulnerabilities or very overbearing parents. All of these are the responsibility of the parent and not of a fourteen year old child.

That’s a bit of a sweeping statement. None of these apply to us.

My 15 yo dd wasn’t ready to walk alone for the majority of the first term of year 7. I’m disabled I couldn’t prepare her… not that I see how as this was less than 5 minutes to the bus stop. Her friend used to come and collect her to hang out until they started secondary. But they went to different schools.

Due to my dd’s experience, I would encourage her to help out a younger child for a while. I wouldn’t expect her to walk alongside them but the younger child a few metres ahead.

LudicrouslyCapaciousBag · 16/09/2023 08:05

Mummyoflittledragon · 16/09/2023 07:48

That’s a bit of a sweeping statement. None of these apply to us.

My 15 yo dd wasn’t ready to walk alone for the majority of the first term of year 7. I’m disabled I couldn’t prepare her… not that I see how as this was less than 5 minutes to the bus stop. Her friend used to come and collect her to hang out until they started secondary. But they went to different schools.

Due to my dd’s experience, I would encourage her to help out a younger child for a while. I wouldn’t expect her to walk alongside them but the younger child a few metres ahead.

Show quote history

I’m sorry to hear about your disability. I would suggest that having a disabled parent is a vulnerability that means a child needs slightly different support. It’s different when the children have an existing friendship and I am glad that this worked as a solution for her.

Inkpotlover · 16/09/2023 08:59

SunSeaSand55 · 15/09/2023 23:00

Omg I've just finished work (I have a 2nd job at a pub on Fri evening) Cannot take in all the answers yet but I am SO RELIEVED most i've read think my son shouldn't do this. I was completely caught off guard. I was thinking wtf but then my overly caring side kicked in and I thought I would be awful to say no. Before I went to work tonight I briefly spoke to my son and him and his friends are not happy. I had suggested they do it for 1 day if they all agree. If not then I now have complete confidence in telling my neighbour SHE IS BEING UNREASONABLE asking. You know you really doubt yourself sometimes from trying to be kind and doing the right thing. And god knows how this 11yr old child feels knowing he is being told he has to walk with 2-3 year 9 pupils. Btw no mention of home time. Literally walking on a morning only which is why I felt it might be not that bad initially.

They still shouldn't have to do it even once though. Your DS has made his and his friend's feelings perfectly clear but you're still guilting them into it. And we all know it won't be a one-off if they cave the first time. Listen to your DS and have his back!

tommyhoundmum · 16/09/2023 09:16

Speak to the mother. You need both sides of the situation

Sigmama · 16/09/2023 09:28

I can see both sides, it would be nice if the older was able to help, isn't that what society is for

Sartre · 16/09/2023 10:04

Most year 7’s make their own way to and from school, it’s totally usual. It’s only a 15 min walk as well which is nothing, my DC’s secondary is a 50 min walk and it’s the closest! She needs to stop babying him, I’m sure he doesn’t want to tag along with 2 random year 9’s either and is probably mortified she asked.

carkerpartridge · 16/09/2023 10:39

Don't make your DS do this once...that's just going to make it harder to stand your ground on this issue. Just speak to the other mum or pop a note through her door saying that your DS can't take responsibility for her son. And if you want to be reassuring, you can tell her that it is completely normal for year 7 kids to walk to school without any problems.

PorridgeOnToast · 16/09/2023 10:46

carkerpartridge · 16/09/2023 10:39

Don't make your DS do this once...that's just going to make it harder to stand your ground on this issue. Just speak to the other mum or pop a note through her door saying that your DS can't take responsibility for her son. And if you want to be reassuring, you can tell her that it is completely normal for year 7 kids to walk to school without any problems.

I was just going to say the too.

NO - not even ONCE! What happens if the Year 7 wants to go to a shop on the way? Stop and talk to his friend? Walk another route? What will you son do then - follow the Year 7 around to make sure he gets to school?

Far too much responsibility for your son for another child. As my kids say about situations , "kill it before it lays eggs" - stop it before it starts.

LookItsMeAgain · 16/09/2023 12:08

I'm with those who are suggesting that your son shouldn't even do it the once.

Go over and use the paying for childcare suggestion mentioned earlier in the thread.

Don't make your DS take this kid to school. If anything, she should be looking to see if there is someone else in her son's class that could walk with him or take him and she could do a reciprocal arrangement for collections or whatever.

SootyDog · 16/09/2023 13:29

*That’s a bit of a sweeping statement. None of these apply to us.

My 15 yo dd wasn’t ready to walk alone for the majority of the first term of year 7. I’m disabled I couldn’t prepare her… not that I see how as this was less than 5 minutes to the bus stop. Her friend used to come and collect her to hang out until they started secondary. But they went to different schools*.

I started preparing my dd in primary school by getting her to walk home as if she was by herself whilst I followed behind. Then in the summer term she walked alone.

In the summer holidays shepracticed the route until she was confident. First she w would just go to the bus stop and then come home. Then the next time she wailed get the bus and so on.

We also talked about what she would do if the bus didn't come or of she got lost.

She wouldn't have been ready to do it in year seven if I hadn't put the work in beforehand.

I didn't just look outside my front door for an older child and get him to take responsibility for my daughter.

Sennelier1 · 16/09/2023 17:59

You shouldn't let your son do this because then he's responsible for the younger child. If something goes wrong your son will be held accountable. Let the other mom find an adult to accompany her child to school if she can't do this herself.

FreedomSearcherForever · 16/09/2023 18:06

Wow, whatever happened to kindness and helping someone out. I would hope my child would be happy to help - it’s just a walk to school!

MidgesGirdle · 16/09/2023 18:57

What about the kindness of the mother to her own child?!

Jack80 · 16/09/2023 19:03

I would speak to her, see if she can ask school does anyone live in the area to walk with him as it’s uncool for a year 9 to walk with a year 7 unless it’s someone’s relative.

MimiGC · 16/09/2023 19:21

Why can't the younger boy just follow the other boys? They're going to the same place at the same time, he'll learn the route in few days, no need for drama about anyone being responsible for anyone...

LollipopChaos · 16/09/2023 19:28

No way, I just always respond with "I am independent" when people impose. What a cheek!

LollipopChaos · 16/09/2023 19:30

Is it going to school or coming home? Coming home can't do, he has clubs etc. Going to school, I leave at 7:56 on the dot, if he's outside ready it's okay, but I don't hang about.

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