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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My son being told to walk to school with another child!

282 replies

SunSeaSand55 · 15/09/2023 15:32

My son is in Yr 9 and walks the 10 - 15 min walk to school with his friend who lives over the road. Coming home today our new neighbour asks to speak to him and says her son has just started in Yr 7 and she's having to pay for a taxi to take him as she's working and doesn't want him walking alone. She then asked if they could walk together. My son barely had chance to speak and she just said thank you so much and walked away! As a working parent myself I totally get where she's coming from but think it's a bit cheeky. My son walked on his own right from the beginning until several weeks in when he made friends. He is now stropping as he doesn't want to have a Yr 7 walking with him! Apparently it's very uncool and Yr 9 do not associate with younger year groups!!
I am not going to tell the other mum my son isn't happy but I do see his point. He shouldn't be responsible for someone else's child. Should he just suck it up?

OP posts:
WandaWonder · 17/09/2023 06:51

Whatafliberty · 16/09/2023 21:53

Why can't you and your son just be kind to the little boy?

So no matter what a person presumes the person on the receiving end has to 'be kind' ?

PorridgeOnToast · 17/09/2023 07:26

@Whatafliberty how is the CF being kind by foistering her son on to others?

Why is it up to OPs son to be kind and not CF? She should lead by example and offer OPs son a lift to school/pay for a taxi he can share with the kid.

But of course that wouldn't benefit CF, so it's never going to happen

ZadocPDederick · 17/09/2023 07:30

Whatafliberty · 16/09/2023 21:53

Why can't you and your son just be kind to the little boy?

I need my house cleaned and redecorated. Why can't you just be kind to me and come round and do it? Also my neighbour's and everyone else in the street?

milveycrohn · 17/09/2023 07:40

I have always presumed a child attending secondary school, (year 7) should be able to travel on their own. I know young people / relatives, who travel using trains and buses, and have and had to do so, on their own from the start.
Maybe someone to walk with the first day, but that would be all.
So, with that in mind, I would probably ask my DS to allow the other child to walk with them the first day, but make it clear to the CF that that is all; that they have other activities after/before school, and cannot generally be responsible for another child, etc.

Pumpkinpie1 · 17/09/2023 09:50

What’s hard about son walking this year 7 to school one time to show them the ropes? It’s not a life time commitment just a helping hand. We all need that once in a while.
There seems to be a mean girl atmosphere around this post

Metatarse · 17/09/2023 09:52

Pumpkinpie1 · 17/09/2023 09:50

What’s hard about son walking this year 7 to school one time to show them the ropes? It’s not a life time commitment just a helping hand. We all need that once in a while.
There seems to be a mean girl atmosphere around this post

Because no one gets to arbitrarily decide what another kid has to do for a stranger. What if the older kid wants to meet other mates? Go to the shop before school?

SootyDog · 17/09/2023 10:15

Pumpkinpie1 · 17/09/2023 09:50

What’s hard about son walking this year 7 to school one time to show them the ropes? It’s not a life time commitment just a helping hand. We all need that once in a while.
There seems to be a mean girl atmosphere around this post

The OP's son knows nothing of this child. Why is it his responsibility to show him the ropes? Why didn't his mother show him the ropes over the weekend?

What so hard about many things? I need eggs for my Yorkshire Puddings. Can I go into the street and ask a stranger to go and get them for me as what so hard about buying eggs?

Sufabi · 17/09/2023 11:25

In my opinion she shouldn’t approach your son for that matter, instead she should talk to his parents,in this case you.red flag there.

Inkpotlover · 17/09/2023 11:40

"Be kind" has become shorthand for "do my bidding". Too many people invoke it as an excuse to be cheeky fuckers.

I much prefer "Respect boundaries".

carkerpartridge · 17/09/2023 11:46

Pumpkinpie1 There's a difference between being mean and setting acceptable boundaries. The mother has in her mind found a solution to her childcare dilemma and expects it to happen just because she thinks it's a great idea. She has gone about this in the wrong way.

Newestname002 · 17/09/2023 11:48

@SunSeaSand55

Have you spoken to your cheeky neighbour yet and put her right? 🌹

Aimee88wilson · 17/09/2023 13:09

I think to be honest she never asked for your son to be responsible for her child, she probably just thought it would be nice for him to walk to school with other children who go to the same school. I don't think it is cheeky at all.

It's sad in 2023 its uncool to walk to school with a year 7, maybe explain to your son he shouldn't care what others think of him. Who cares if anyone thought that was not cool. It's a shame kids today can't just say "so what if I'm walking with a year 7".

My son is in year 9 also and he walks to school with year 7's, 9 and 10, as they all live on same street. That's what kids do.

QuillBill · 17/09/2023 13:19

My son is in year 9 also and he walks to school with year 7's, 9 and 10, as they all live on same street. That's what kids do.

Sure, with people they know that they have made arrangements with themselves.

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/09/2023 13:48

SootyDog · 16/09/2023 13:29

*That’s a bit of a sweeping statement. None of these apply to us.

My 15 yo dd wasn’t ready to walk alone for the majority of the first term of year 7. I’m disabled I couldn’t prepare her… not that I see how as this was less than 5 minutes to the bus stop. Her friend used to come and collect her to hang out until they started secondary. But they went to different schools*.

I started preparing my dd in primary school by getting her to walk home as if she was by herself whilst I followed behind. Then in the summer term she walked alone.

In the summer holidays shepracticed the route until she was confident. First she w would just go to the bus stop and then come home. Then the next time she wailed get the bus and so on.

We also talked about what she would do if the bus didn't come or of she got lost.

She wouldn't have been ready to do it in year seven if I hadn't put the work in beforehand.

I didn't just look outside my front door for an older child and get him to take responsibility for my daughter.

I can imagine your post wasn’t meant to be hurtful. But that’s real salt on the wounds.

VeraMay · 17/09/2023 13:48

This is a difficult situation, but your son can be generous and speak with the younger lad, asking if he would like to walk to school with him until he has made friends of his own age.
The mum should have approached you explaining the situation and asked for help, unfortunately, society today is very insular and therefore, people don't know how to communicate.
Encourage your son to be friendly and helpful, as one day he might need help himself.

LolaSmiles · 17/09/2023 14:04

What’s hard about son walking this year 7 to school one time to show them the ropes? It’s not a life time commitment just a helping hand. We all need that once in a while.
Except that isn't what was asked.

Big difference between (for example) knocking on the door of a neighbour with older children and saying "Timmy is starting Year 7 next week and hasn't got anyone to walk with. Do you think your son/daughter might walk with him on the first day so he feels less alone and has someone there to show him the ropes?"

And

Neighbour grabbing another child from the street a few weeks into term and assuming she can push the older child into taking responsibility for her 11 year old because she doesn't want her child walking alone and doesn't want to keep paying a taxi.

The responsibility for the 11 year old getting to school is his parent(s).
Either they could have helped him get ready before starting Year 7, or they could have looked for a buddy for the first week and spoken to other parents, or they can make their own transport arrangements.

They don't get to decide it's another child's job to be a support human at their convenience.

There seems to be a mean girl atmosphere around this post
Women aren't mean for having boundaries and teaching their children to have boundaries.

Aimee88wilson · 17/09/2023 14:07

No it's just a friendly neighbourhood and everyone looks out for one another, regardless if they know them or not 🙂

Aimee88wilson · 17/09/2023 14:09

If you feel that way maybe pop over and have a conversation with your neighbour, I'm sure your be able to work it out 🙂

Gcsunnyside23 · 17/09/2023 14:33

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/09/2023 13:48

I can imagine your post wasn’t meant to be hurtful. But that’s real salt on the wounds.

Show quote history

What's salt in the wound about this response? It's a real life example of the prep others put in to get their child ready

SootyDog · 17/09/2023 15:45

I can imagine your post wasn’t meant to be hurtful. But that’s real salt on the wounds.

No. It wasn't meant to be hurtful.

That's what my dd did to make sure she could get to school.

How is it salt on the wound?

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 17/09/2023 19:41

The thing that cements this as being a CF for me, is that not only does OPs DS not know the y7 - he could be a nightmare. No road sense, or throws stones at cats, or whatever - but also the neighbour doesn't know OPs DS. Who I'm sure is absolutely lovely, but for all the neighbour knows he could be a smoking, abuse shouting, car keying bully who habitually shoplifts on the way to school!

She's not doing this 'for' her DS. She's doing it for herself to save the taxi fare. It's completely irresponsible to entrust her child's safety to some random kid.

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/09/2023 19:51

Gcsunnyside23 · 17/09/2023 14:33

What's salt in the wound about this response? It's a real life example of the prep others put in to get their child ready

Show quote history

I have lost out on doing so much with my dd due to very poor health, several major surgeries and disability. It is so painful for me. Twelve fucking years and she is 15 and no longer wants her mummy.

Quoting a disabled woman’s words then stating what they did when I clearly stated I couldn’t is terribly upsetting.

This is the tip of the iceberg of what I have not been able to do. Please have some empathy at my loss.

SootyDog · 17/09/2023 20:05

Quoting a disabled woman’s words then stating what they did when I clearly stated I couldn’t is terribly upsetting.

Confused You know nothing of my circumstances. Nothing.

I had no choice but to make sure my eleven year old was able to get to secondary school without help from me. I wasn't escorting her on these practise runs.

She had to do it herself in manageable chunks.

I wasn't posting to hurt your feelings. However, this is a talk forum. For talking and exchanging views and ideas.

I could equally say to you that it's an insult to me that you are posting to say that your daughter had a friend to help her acclimatise to the journey when my daughter didn't have that luxury.

Becca268 · 17/09/2023 23:13

Yes, let's show our children compassion towards other people. What is the world coming to if it's always all about ourselves. The year 9 does not have to be responsible but it shouldn't be skin off his nose to look out for a younger neighbour student.

Iamtheonwandlonely · 18/09/2023 06:57

All these "be kind " posts have obviously never dealt with a CF.
If you offen an inch they'll take a mile.
The op and her son probably would have allowed the child to tag along for the few weeks it took them to settle in.

But the CF asked and assumed.
You just know she's going to be a nightmare
Better off not starting cause it'll be harder to get out of the arrangement later.