To wonder if there’s a woman who hasn’t put up with unacceptable sexual harassment in the workplace?

[Ponderence]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-66775015

just reading this…..

and actually been thinking about this a lot recently. Have had 3 male bosses in my life. Was thinking that 2 have technically sexually harassed me (putting ice down my top, doing the tongue action between fingers, staring, inuendo comments- all while being ‘nice guys’) the one who didn’t Was seeing a lady in the office. Still work with the latest and to be honest I avoid bei nd alone with him cos I feel uncomfortable around him ( I’m in my 40s I’m not particularly worried about him but likewise I guess I should have to avoid a collleavue because I feel like I might be stared at)

these blokes are married with kids as I’m sure many of these ones are in the article.

are they all doing it? Is my husband sexually harassing people at work? Is theee a woman who hasn’t dealt with this sh*t?

m just realised my title makes it look like some sexual harassment might be acceptable. Obvs I don’t think that.

is the only way of avoiding it by not working with men?

wtf?

I am 25 years in a male dominated industry (software) and have never encountered SH. Sexism - yes (mainly comments about having a "year's holiday" when I had ML or about being a part-timer - dropped down to PT after having a disabled DC) but never anything even remotely in the SH arena.

** and yes I have always challenged each and every remark.

Never at work in 30+ years and a variety of jobs.

School days as a child and holidays have been the most risky times for me - oh and a doctor many years ago.

No I definitely suffered it in 1990! But I think in 1990 that kind of thing just wasn't talked about

I haven't, never even anything close.
That doesn't negate the fact that others have though.

Why must there be something the matter with you not to have been sexually assaulted?

These abusers are also supported by the tribunal system, and especially if women can’t afford legal counsel.

Employers generally have insurance and will employment bully boy tactics via some unscrupulous barrister, who has no qualms in gaslighting and perpetuating the abuse.

In my view, having to go through the judicial system as a victim in the UK is at best like watching an absurd pantomime, and at the other end of the scale being exposed to a toxic cesspit of bias and misogyny.

…and no the workplace has no place for sexual jokes.

Since my very first job back when I was 22 I haven't had to suffer this. That instance was an older guy who massaged my shoulders when I was sat at my desk. I complained to my male boss who told him to stop and it never happened again. He didn't last in the job long afterwards.

I've worked for 24 years since then and not been sexually harassed since then. In my previous job one of the younger ladies complained about a male colleague being suggestive and creepy towards her and we looked into it and dismissed him.

Ours is a pretty small industry and I am now very senior and would 100% not stand for this if directed at me or any of my colleagues. However I work in Pharma and it's a fairly female heavy environment which probably also helps.

Sexual harassment is about power and control not attractiveness.

Me neither.

I agree that boundaries and confidence help. It's how you carry yourself. I'm very small but learned from male relatives how to walk tall and speak confidently. I know I have it in me to react strongly and assertively to any sort of harassment, and it probably comes across.

This isn't victim-blaming. We all know that bullies and creeps pick on those who they think will put up with it. When women find ways to boost their own confidence, they find it easier to push back against this crap.

Literally every place I've worked. It's relentless sometimes. Might depend on job type. Mine is quite public facing and most of the harassment is by "clients" but a lot is also by coworkers. And I work somewhere you'll all have heard of too...

I spent most of my working life in the female dominated workplace of the primary school where it never happened. Before that I worked in offices for 8 years and it happened a lot. I thought things might have changed since the 70s but it appears to have got worse.

Agree. I’m overweight, 40s, messy hair. But I am friendly and helpful at work. I think people mistake this/ use it as a vulnerability. But yeah once I’ve got whiff of any wrong doing I’m done. So yeah these men that have tried it probably won’t continue to do so. They’re just gross people. I feel really sorry for the current ones wife. He has a team of hybrid workers- there’s been very little effort (despite corporate push for) to get back to the office. Tbh I think I know why- think he’s been tapping up various team members in weird ways while keeping everyone separate so they can’t compare notes 🤷‍♀️ but maybe that’s my mind going in overdrive.

In my workplace, no. I've been in the IT industry for 24 years, in UK and Oz and its never happened.

I don't encounter sexism here either (I possibly have in previous companies - I can't remember - but I've been where I am now for 13 years and whilst its mainly male employees, we have female developers and software testers in the office and our finance and admin are female)

When I was at Uni doing my engineering degree, yes. When I was in my year out on placement, yes. Many times outside of work, yes. But not in my workplace. Thankfully.

Funnily enough, the only instances (not in the workplace, so not relevant to the thread) I had in my life of cat calling/ street harassment etc. happened during the brief spout in my teens when I was skinny and used to go a long way to take care of myself. Also aneddotically, the people who told me workplace stories in person are all stereotypically good looking.

Sexual harassment isn't predominantly about power and control, it's about dirty bastards who want to bring sex into everything to get a sexual thrill.

I work on construction sites, and harassment is RIFE. I’ve been propositioned with hotels or ‘quickies’ god knows how many times, I’ve been followed home, I’ve been text obscene messages at 2am, walked in on using the toilets because the men can use ‘whatever toilet they want’, stared at, leered at, wolf whistled at, the list goes on.

I’ve never been sexually harassed at work in the 25ish years working (including teenage part time jobs). I’m sorry to hear so many have

Boundaries and confidence?? Ok so blame the woman ffs!
I have very firm boundaries and I'm confident and certainly no walkover. I was verbally sexually harassed once by a senior male colleague. After my response to him, he stayed away. But my clear confidence and boundaries certainly did not stop him in the first instance.

Me.

I agree. I think it's a huge generalisation to say that it's got nothing to do with attractiveness.

When I was in my late teens/early 20s with an hourglass figure and great hair and skin, I was harassed all the time. As in virtually every day. In my 30s, I got harassed sometimes, most often when I was dressed up. Now that I'm in my 40s, it's rare

Ps I would add that I am slim and reasonably attractive, though not a stunner by any means. I’m only adding for those that say only the pretty ones get harassed as I’m not sure that’s right

I’m early 50’s and never been sexually harassed in the work place. Outside of the workplace yes mainly I remember when I was 16/17 workmen on building sites walking to college.

Agree with you, I think you would find it hard to find a woman that hasn't been sexually harassed at some point in her life.

I am in my 40s now but as a teen I think back to working in the hospitality industry and it was rife. Also when I think back to my friends they also experienced it and they worked in a variety of industries. I think though as a teenage girl, an older man being interested in you is something you were made to feel grateful for, or certainly was in the 90s. I think about it now and cringe at the dirty pervs!

I’ve had an ex-colleague cross the line verbally, but the whole place was a fraudulent cess pit and I left quickly.
Every direct male manager has been appropriate with me. I have witnessed one higher up harass his junior, but that has stopped as they’ve both got older. She rode it out.
No doubt that it happens in many other places.
I haven’t watched Grays Anatomy, Scrubs, ER etc but do hospital dramas ever cover colleague sexual abuse?

One senior manager once put his tongue in my mouth during a ‘quick kiss for Christmas’. He was in his fifties and I was in my twenties. It was the office party and I had to laugh it off with everyone laughing around me 🤮.
Numerous sexual comments, one man looking up my skirt from behind whilst I was shredding. Took a manager to tribunal for inappropriate comments.
I have always made sure that I don’t make any sexual innuendos at work but seems like some see it as a challenge ie comments ‘don’t be frigid’.