To wonder if there’s a woman who hasn’t put up with unacceptable sexual harassment in the workplace?

[Ponderence]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-66775015

just reading this…..

and actually been thinking about this a lot recently. Have had 3 male bosses in my life. Was thinking that 2 have technically sexually harassed me (putting ice down my top, doing the tongue action between fingers, staring, inuendo comments- all while being ‘nice guys’) the one who didn’t Was seeing a lady in the office. Still work with the latest and to be honest I avoid bei nd alone with him cos I feel uncomfortable around him ( I’m in my 40s I’m not particularly worried about him but likewise I guess I should have to avoid a collleavue because I feel like I might be stared at)

these blokes are married with kids as I’m sure many of these ones are in the article.

are they all doing it? Is my husband sexually harassing people at work? Is theee a woman who hasn’t dealt with this sh*t?

m just realised my title makes it look like some sexual harassment might be acceptable. Obvs I don’t think that.

is the only way of avoiding it by not working with men?

wtf?

And this is the worst thing about it all isn’t it? And why it goes undetected and carries on. Hope you’ve recovered now x

I have, It usually happens when I'm leaving a job and moving onto something else.
When I left my first job I was a young teen. The bosses creepy much older son, found my address and kept showing up near my house.
When Ieft the NHS I gave a male colleague a hug goodbye. He took the opportunity to pinch my arse, I kicked him in the shin.
When I left another job I was taken out for a goodbye lunch, a male colleague stayed behind and tried to kiss me.

Sadly I think the poster is right because it’s predatory behaviour and if you don’t seem confident they will try it on. Women definitely shouldn’t have to teach men the boundaries. We should all be able to behave appropriately, or at least bring it up when we don’t behave appropriately.

Sadly with the latest boss I’m left thinking ‘have I done or said anything that makes him think that staring etc is ok?’ I think that’s the way we’re conditioned isn’t it? That men don’t have to take full responsibility for their actions etc?

Anyway I have had to set boundaries at this workplace because it seems my boss is all over the place in more ways than one so apparently I’m left having to set the tone for behaviour.

What is wrong with them?

I worked as an administrator in my late teens.
My boss who was in his 40's emailed me to ask me to book a room for our business trip to France.
He asked me to book a double room for the both of us. When I questioned it he stated that he would give me some time to think about it. I would be treated well if I agreed.
I had evidence of all this in emails but didn't do anything about it other than resign and ask for a month's pay, which they agreed to.

I definitely encountered a lot sexual harassment and two actual assaults from colleagues when I worked in retail and hospitality, and in my first two jobs in PR consultancies (more from clients than colleagues). Hasn't really been an issue for me personally since I moved into public sector/regulatory organisations in 2003 - and where I work now, I know that if it happens, it's dealt with very swiftly and firmly. But of course it is something that happens in all walks of life.

Never been sexually harassed by a colleague at work, although I will admit I am usually quite standoffish with most men in the workplace l, unless I get to know them well and become friends with them. Purely because in my first workplace out of uni when I was more friendly one guy took it as flirting, and I definitely wasn’t and was quite uncomfortable after.

However, I work in secondary schools and I have been sexually harassed in both schools i’ve worked in by students (1 in each school) and had another student ask a male member of staff to get my number, which the staff member found funny. And in both cases of sexual harassment (explicit sexual comments, like asking me if I’d have sex with them when they turned 16) when I reported it to the male heads of behaviour I got a ‘boys will be boys’ response and that they’d ‘have a chat with them’. I wasn’t the only female member of staff to have that experience, I chose not to return after maternity leave. From others I know working in secondaries I think it’s pretty common behaviour and quite often brushed off, particularly when there’s male teachers in charge. Which all explains how they grow up to sexually harass women in the workplace really.

My mother is one.
i remember her telling me when I was a teenager that women are exaggerating usually as it’s never happened to her.
Mind you, she also told me that women who’ve had miscarriages have done something wrong as she’s never had one.

I’ve been sexually assaulted and harassed more times at work than I can even count now. I am so depressed about the lives of my fellow women and what we go through.

Sadly I think the poster is right because it’s predatory behaviour and if you don’t seem confident they will try it on So it’s the woman’s fault, is it?

Never been sexually harassed at work , but have had awful experiences - I’m a POC and actually have usually worked in workplaces were white women were the majority and I got harassed by them but racially not sexually .

It’s sad and pains me to say but most of my positive experiences in work have actually been with male bosses.

Nope, never that I can recall! I've always been fortunate enough to work in non-pervy offices.

It's rife in some industries though and I've got friends who have some horrible stories so I'm certainly not saying it doesn't go on!

When I was much younger and women were rarer in my job yes I got comments about my body and my private life. But I would tell them to shut up or I'd report it. Nowadays not so much, because I'm middle aged and therefore invisible 😆. Our policies & procedures have toughened up but the execution of dealing with a complaint is still a lot to be desired. You have to have proof, hurty words don't cut it, and the panels can be male-heavy, instead of 50/50.

My husband doesn't understand why I get so het up by my colleagues who weren't able to get sanctions against their abuser. He thinks it's just a laugh, or banter.

I've not experienced sexual harassment but discrimination or stupid comments - yes. Described as aggressive when a man would be described as assertive. Emotional rather than passionate. Told to calm down when expressing an opinion etc. The more senior I've got the less it happens - but I'm more practiced at playing the game as well.

One bloke asked me in front of lots of people what happened to my children when i was in the office so early. I just looked at him blankly and reminded him that they have 2 parents and then changed the subject. Still get that sort of thing quite a lot. Very frustrating!

It’s definitely not the victims fault but in a former job a colleague who was ten years my senior did tell me something our line manager said. Basically he had told her a story involving details of a yoga class turning into group masturbation. I pointed it out that was sexual harassment - the way he had done it he had clearly told her the story to make her feel uncomfortable.

I encouraged her to report him after speaking with HR on her behalf and he was suspended while under investigation but her grievance wasn’t upheld unfortunately. I left a couple of weeks after so can’t remember exactly how it all played out.

The colleague did say to me a few times,” the manager would have never tried that with you” and what she said was actually was true.

I disliked him from the outset as he was very incompetent and as we were working with vulnerable families and young people I didn’t have any time for his laziness and incompetence. So I was fairly frosty from the beginning and while he charmed the others he knew I wasn’t convinced and definitely moved differently around me. He went between trying to impress me and trying to come down harder on me a i rejected his attempts to be jovial or friendly in our line management meetings.

He targeted that woman because He is a predatory creep who wanted to harass someone who was less likely to realise it was harassment. It was most definitely not her fault but he definitely picked his victim so to speak.

I spent many months after that incident trying to make my friend understand it wasn’t her “fault” for being friendly to him. She waa quite badly affected by the whole thing including how HR had failed to fire him and said shw wished she could come off as “strong” as I did to avoid this.

She is who she is and he had no right to target her or anyone else.

I work in a school now and most of the staff are female so I've never experienced sexual harassment there but it was awful in my previous career (about 10 years ago). My manager used to ask my bra size, ask about my sex life, tell me about his sex life when I just wanted to get on with my job. Looking back it was awful and secondary school too (early 00s) and was the norm for boys just to grab our boobs. I actually totally forgot about that until recently because it felt so normal at the time.

I don’t think I said it’s the woman’s fault did I? I meant that it’s predatory behaviour so maybe more likely to choose people who appear less confident as they think they won’t speak up/ object? That doesn’t make it the woman’s fault.

I have never experienced sexual harassment at work.

Outside work, quite a lot..

Came to say this.

Ugly woman here too, so men don’t even see me.

The only things I can think of are the times when (at work) I’ve veen told to lose weight because no man wants a fatso and I’ve veen bullied by the fact that I’ve ’never had a man’.
But I don’t think thise counts as harrasment.

I've always worked in male dominated workplaces and was never sexually harassed at work, nor have I witnessed sexual harassment. I guess I've been lucky.

I'm almost 50 years of working, mostly office based, I've never experienced any sexual harassment of any kind.

That’s horrendous. I hope you reported it. Seems to be a very hostile and unprofessional environment- don’t think I’ve witnessed anything like that in any workplace even when I was a teen.

I was harassed (unwanted sexual comments/touching) by my guitar teacher. By tutors at university. By men in every workplace I've ever worked in.

I didn't work in male dominated places. But was harassed by colleagues and some parents - what's the difference between banter and harassment?

A headteacher (senior colleague) told me that my 'tits looked nice in that top'.

I once told a friend (nurse) that a consultant who examined me (was waiting for a hysterectomy) internally, told me to cough to see if I required vaginal or abdominal surgery. She told me I'd been assaulted.

I have experienced it, when I was young working in McDonalds, where men openly talked about my body. Then when I was in a professional job, but male dominated industry, we had a client night out and one of them put his hand on my bum. I told me boss and he said "He's our biggest paying client, you have to let him!". Fucking twat, I'm still angry! Should have done something about it but didn't want to be difficult.

And NONE of that was my fault @ComtesseDeSpair I'm confident and professional, some men are just arseholes. Classic victim blaming ignorance.

Not since I was a teenager working part time in a shop. Old men running their fingers up your leg while on a ladder….I used to kick them. A milkman grabbed my breast while I was filling the fridge, so I turned around and punched him in the face and my boss banned him. I’m very blunt and have quick answers so usually can cut anything off immediately.

I don't think it's a woman's fault, I think the sort of man who would behave inappropriately preys on the more vulnerable, and will leave alone those of us who very clearly take no shit.

That is a criticism of some men. NOT some women.