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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have sat on her feet

232 replies

Toenailz · 11/09/2023 23:39

Tongue in cheek really, I feel perfectly reasonable. OH thinks I'm getting old, intolerant, and grumpy.

Got on the bus today with shopping bags in tow, they're heavy and I'm knackered (I have a disability that causes chronic exhaustion, but it's invisible). It's heaving busy in town/on bus, so I head to the back of the bus so we can fit some bags on our lap/feet out of people's way/the aisle.

One corner of the back seats is taken. The other corner has one, older teenage girl, taking up 4 seats with herself taking one seat, her handbag taking another, and her feet on the 2 seats in front of her, burying her head in her phone as if she can't see us. Didn't move her handbag or feet from the two seats, despite my obviously being right in front of her, so I just gave up and sat on her feet.

She removed them sharpish, probably because I'm quite fat.

Probably not helped by the inward trip earlier today, where having dodged one teenager's leg placed right into the aisle, I tripped over the next one's leg in aisle and went flying.

I couldn't be arsed asking her to move, because I was about 6 inches in front of her, my OH had sat in the seat next to her handbag, so there's no way she couldn't have known we were there (no headphones, either) so I thought, if you're going to pretend I'm not there, I'm going to pretend you're not. But ffs, I sat on a teenager. ON PURPOSE. Not a high point in my life.

OP posts:
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5
ditalini · 12/09/2023 11:00

Lol at "you assaulted her" 😂
I got on a very busy bus last year with bags in both hands so I needed to try and sit down before the bus drove off and I ended up on my arse. There was one seat that would have been free except it was occupied by a guy's shoulder bag which he'd draped across it. He was on his phone, studiously ignoring everyone

I asked him politely to move it which brought the response "I'M ON THE PHONE" and a hand shoved in front of my face. So I dumped it on his lap and sat down.

Cue him shouting into his phone "I'VE JUST BEEN ASSAULTED!" and then he insisted on moving because he "DIDN'T FEEL SAFE". So he stood in the aisle and ranted about me for the next however many stops. Water off a duck's back mate.

PiIlock · 12/09/2023 11:07

I suppose I could have carried on reversing - it would have been a gentle bump and she'd have learnt not to be a CF again.
But I didn't. I challenged her and told her that's not how car parks work and would she please move. She considered arguing but decided to move and I parked my car.

Telling off is challenging. Sitting on the spare seat is challenging (in a less tactful way).

Whichever way you do it, I think it's better than simply asking. The person learns nothing except people are too afraid to stand up to you.

Ellie1015 · 12/09/2023 11:07

So rude to take up one extra seat on a full bus or to have your feet on the seat at all.

No wonder you couldnt be bothered to speak to her.

willWillSmithsmith · 12/09/2023 11:08

yogasaurus · 11/09/2023 23:59

Well done, OP. Can’t stand awful teens like this.

Not all are teens. I had to tell a middle aged man off for putting his bare feet on the seats opposite.

People who put their feet on seats are telling you all you need to know about their characters.

Sparkl · 12/09/2023 11:13

You should have said
‘excuse me I need to sit down’

And then sure, if she didn’t move, then sit on her feet

You got the result you wanted but you didn’t exactly lead by example did you

And I 1000% guarantee that if it had been a man in his 30s you would not have done what you did

FTB2023 · 12/09/2023 11:15

PiIlock · 12/09/2023 11:07

I suppose I could have carried on reversing - it would have been a gentle bump and she'd have learnt not to be a CF again.
But I didn't. I challenged her and told her that's not how car parks work and would she please move. She considered arguing but decided to move and I parked my car.

Telling off is challenging. Sitting on the spare seat is challenging (in a less tactful way).

Whichever way you do it, I think it's better than simply asking. The person learns nothing except people are too afraid to stand up to you.

But you're defending direct action rather than advocating for reasonable challenge.

TheLongGloriesOfTheWinterMoon · 12/09/2023 11:17

Did the whole bus clap?

Coyoacan · 12/09/2023 11:20

There are some funny defenses for the teenagers behaviour being put up here

Itick8outof10boxes · 12/09/2023 11:21

I employ my "Please move your bags, I want to sit down." then if they refuse or ignore me they have to put up with the offending object dumped on their lap / table and a cold dead stare held on them for a few seconds.
Some people are actually known to apologise, get up and move away from me as a result works with either sex.

LarryStylinson · 12/09/2023 11:23

Toenailz · 11/09/2023 23:50

Several people, meaning there was no seats without an arse in it. We generally only go for seats that don't have an arse in it.

Feet however, are fair game.

Show quote history

I can't stop laughing. Are you taking friend applications? I like the cut of your jib.

willWillSmithsmith · 12/09/2023 11:25

Sparkl · 12/09/2023 11:13

You should have said
‘excuse me I need to sit down’

And then sure, if she didn’t move, then sit on her feet

You got the result you wanted but you didn’t exactly lead by example did you

And I 1000% guarantee that if it had been a man in his 30s you would not have done what you did

Yeah but you can say that about a lot of things. Would I have told the teenage girl to pick up her dog’s shit she was walking away from had it been a burley 6’ft 4 inch man with a menacing demeanour? No I most likely wouldn’t have done that but I did tell the teenage girl.

ActDottie · 12/09/2023 11:25

I probably would’ve asked her to move first but it sounds like you made it pretty obvious you wanted to sit down and she didn’t move

Itick8outof10boxes · 12/09/2023 11:26

ditalini · 12/09/2023 11:00

Lol at "you assaulted her" 😂
I got on a very busy bus last year with bags in both hands so I needed to try and sit down before the bus drove off and I ended up on my arse. There was one seat that would have been free except it was occupied by a guy's shoulder bag which he'd draped across it. He was on his phone, studiously ignoring everyone

I asked him politely to move it which brought the response "I'M ON THE PHONE" and a hand shoved in front of my face. So I dumped it on his lap and sat down.

Cue him shouting into his phone "I'VE JUST BEEN ASSAULTED!" and then he insisted on moving because he "DIDN'T FEEL SAFE". So he stood in the aisle and ranted about me for the next however many stops. Water off a duck's back mate.

My response to that would be "If you think you've been assaulted call the police, or shall I call them for you?" What a wimpy dick wipe.

JudgeJ · 12/09/2023 11:27

Cappucino23 · 12/09/2023 10:34

Learn to drive

Idiot's day out it seems!

ItsNotRocketSalad · 12/09/2023 11:28

Seems a bit "and then everyone clapped" but if it happened, you lost any moral high ground by not asking her to move first.

JesusMaryAndJosephAndTheWeeDon · 12/09/2023 11:29

She deserved it

Feet on seats on public transport makes me so cross.

You perhaps should have warned her, but she was basically hoping that you would be too meek to challenge her.

SirenSays · 12/09/2023 11:30

That's definitely one way to achieve results I suppose. I'd have told her to move rather than sit on filthy shoes or risk kicking myself up the arse, but hey we're all different.

BeginningToLookALotLike · 12/09/2023 11:30

Oh come on, if she can travel on her own on a bus at this age she should know better than to put her feet on the seats.

Comtesse · 12/09/2023 11:39

Checkcurtains · 12/09/2023 10:39

She was rude but you assaulted her so you really can't take the moral high ground here OP

How hard is it to ask someone to move? Seriously

Haha “assault” yeah sure

Itwasntmeguv · 12/09/2023 11:40

smilesup · 11/09/2023 23:54

I'm a mardy arse and would have done it and told her to move her bag. Rude entitled so and so.
I live with 3 teenagers and they can be the most self absorbed gits. They need a kick up the bum (or squashed feet) now and again.

You're a mardy arse? Are you from the Midlands by any chance? 😁

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 12/09/2023 11:41

I'd have have said 'Can I sit there?" and pointed to handbag or feet. People generally move if asked directly.

Gjendefloooo · 12/09/2023 11:41

I'd have just asked her politely to move her feet and her bag as you and others wanted to sit down. If she hadn't moved when asked then I'd just have moved the bag myself or made to sit on her feet at that point.
I mean, yeah, it's funny and all and well done to you for just sitting on her feet, but I don't get why society has come so far that we can't just politely ask people to move their feet/bags so we can sit down. And also why people think it's ok to sit with their feet up and bags on seats in the first place.

Skogrammy · 12/09/2023 11:42

You must of been dragged up… all you had to say was can you move your feet please. So bloody rude.

Brefugee · 12/09/2023 11:43

Ghosttofu99 · 12/09/2023 00:03

Its rude that she had her feet on the seat but you will never know if she would have moved them and apologise if you had just said ‘hey can you move your feet.’ Was she 19 or 13? You can’t assume she was ignoring you just because she didn’t look at you. How do you know she doesn’t also have a hidden disability that makes it hard to quickly perceive disgruntled adults heading towards her. Doubt you would have done the same to an adult man. Best case scenario a rude person sat on another rude person except one was an adult and should have known better.

it's a bus. Full of teenagers and others (so going home time?) and it is clear that if you travel on a bus you don't take up 4 seats for one person. You certainly don't put your bloody feet on one. And you put your bag on your lap.

I commute by train. There are usually enough seats, but so often some chap (sometimes a woman, but usually a chap) has bag on one, feet on another (arse on another) pretending to be asleep. I always dump their bag on their lap and they usually move their feet at that point. And then 2 other people sit down.

It is inexcusable to use public transport and take up more than one seat. (putting your bag on the seat next to you is ok if you immediately move it on seeing people getting on.

Itwasntmeguv · 12/09/2023 11:44

I'm menopausal - and the main symptom seems to be a complete change of personality from quite a nice, calm, tolerant middle-aged lady to an angry, pearl-clutching, stressed, obnoxious old twat.

So the former me would have meekly asked if she would mind terribly moving her feet. The new me would have tutted loudly and physically shoved her feet out of the way and plonked myself down. If that didn't work, yes - I'd have happily sat on them too, OP!