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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that having a bbq on a Saturday afternoon is perfectly acceptable?

355 replies

fabmaccawhackythumbsaloft · 11/09/2023 02:51

I live on a new build estate and a group of neighbours have for,ed a nice friendship group. On Saturday afternoon one of the group hosted a small bbq , planned from 3-9. There were 10 of us to begin with but people drifted off . We were sat around a table in the garden, the Alexa speaker on the doorstep playing the radio but not loudly as we were all chatting.

At 7pm a bloke appeared at the back gate to say he was trying to get his 1 year old to bed and would we turn the music off. We did but continued to sit in the garden .

At 8 pm a post appeared on the community Facebook page saying that people having bbqs were selfish and had no regard for parents trying to put their little,ones to bed in weather we were not equipped for and with no option to close their windows .

I responded simply saying peaceful enjoyment of your own garden is not prohibited, that yes they did have an option to close the windows and this was the first bbq my friends have had in the 2 years they've lived there , that we weren't exactly having a rave , that we all have or had children, that having kids doesnt give you autonomy to tell others what to do and that if they didn't want to hear other people living on an estate wasnt a good idea.
I also said we were planning on moving inside the house at 9pm
Then the insult's started. I did respond (I know I shouldn't have) saying perhaps if anyone had an issue they could come and knock on the door and discuss it like adults instead of being keyboard warriors.someone
Posted a copy of the councils nuisance noise policy ( which ironically showed night hours to be between 11pm and 7am ! ) this was 8 pm

More insults . Gifs with popcorn . Someone said " i suggest you blah blah blah blah blah .
I lost it . I said I suggest you fuck off before I turn the music back on

Today the whinging post had been removed BlushGrin

What the fuck is wrong with people ? It was a sedate afternoon bbq consisting of 10 people aged 35 ~ 50, not an all night rave !
Aibu ?

OP posts:
MrsPoliportsGoose · 11/09/2023 02:55

This weather is making everyone tetchy and stressed. If they've deleted the post I think they probably thought better of it and were likely a bit embarrassed. I wouldn't worry too much about it, you were being perfectly normal. I perhaps wouldn't have resorted to swearing on FB but it's done now and it's all been deleted anyway.

Original poster
fabmaccawhackythumbsaloft · 11/09/2023 02:57

What makes me laugh is today all I've heard is screaming kids

I was soooooo tempted to post my own counter whinge but resisted !

OP posts:
Devilsmommy · 11/09/2023 02:57

No you're not bu. My little one goes to bed at 6ish and for the past month or so there have been quite a few parties where the music was actually loud. I would never dream of complaining about it at that time because it's just one of those things, loud music is allowed until 10/11pm so just because I've had a baby, doesn't mean everyone else has to stop having fun. I also live opposite a pub so not sure complaining is reasonable 🤣 you weren't in the wrong at all

Hungryfrogs23 · 11/09/2023 02:59

Can I vote both?
YABU for getting dragged into swearing and insults on fb.
YANBU for wanting to enjoy your garden.

But as a parent whose sleep cumulatively is still in single figures over this last 3 days because of the heat, I feel their pain. It is bloody exhausting and I'm guessing they were probably at the point where desperation had kicked in to try to get their kid to sleep.

I think overall, maybe a little more understanding and tolerance was needed from both sides.

JanglingJack · 11/09/2023 02:59

My daughter was 18 months and constantly popping her head up through the window as neighbours were very social at the weekends.
I did have to ask that their young children ignore her and stop calling and waving to her!

She conked out eventually.

YANBU.

BeeEyeEnGeeOh · 11/09/2023 03:00

Were you drinking? Especially if you had been you might have been noisier than you realised even with music off. I think you could have moved inside and been a lot more polite about it

JanglingJack · 11/09/2023 03:03

BeeEyeEnGeeOh · 11/09/2023 03:00

Were you drinking? Especially if you had been you might have been noisier than you realised even with music off. I think you could have moved inside and been a lot more polite about it

At 7pm?

Original poster
fabmaccawhackythumbsaloft · 11/09/2023 03:03

We had a few DRINKS with the food but we weren't loud , and we moved inside at 9 , way earlier than we had to, plus we had turned the speaker off at 7. By 8 there were only a few of us left , we were sitting round a table discussing having a New Year's Eve party and hiring a villa in Marbella for our next summer party

We're not not being loud or Leary .

OP posts:
Original poster
fabmaccawhackythumbsaloft · 11/09/2023 03:06

BeeEyeEnGeeOh · 11/09/2023 03:00

Were you drinking? Especially if you had been you might have been noisier than you realised even with music off. I think you could have moved inside and been a lot more polite about it

Why should I remain polite when people were throwing insults at me while hiding behind a keyboard

Our fb page is nothing but a whingfest, moaning people about noisy motorbikes, people not wearing tops in their own house but being visible through a window , and now an afternoon bbq for a group of middle aged men and women

It's ridiculous.

OP posts:
pizzaHeart · 11/09/2023 03:08

You were wrong to swear. Otherwise you were ok. And I don’t like BBQs much especially in this weather.

Original poster
fabmaccawhackythumbsaloft · 11/09/2023 03:11

What I REALLY wanted to say is wait till your little ones are 14 with their tracksuit bottoms around their arse hanging out on the green ,and then I'll complain

But I didn't . All I could hear today was kids screaming because they were playing outside , as they should be in this nice weather! I wouldn't dream of complaining because when you live in close proximity to other people you are going to hear life !

OP posts:
Original poster
fabmaccawhackythumbsaloft · 11/09/2023 03:12

pizzaHeart · 11/09/2023 03:08

You were wrong to swear. Otherwise you were ok. And I don’t like BBQs much especially in this weather.

I know I shouldn't have bitten but I'd been sworn at and insulted y this point and it was annoying me that I'd said just come and speak to us , no takers . Funnily enough.

OP posts:
Aliceinunderland · 11/09/2023 03:17

You sound like someone I'd like to be friends with 😂 people are acting very strange lately, maybe its the heat. My mum's neighbour came storming over to my car parked two doors down and on the opposite side of the road to shout at me for having my engine running. I'd only just pulled up and she was gathering her bags to get out of the car. Your neighbour is an entitled prick.

MereDintofPandiculation · 11/09/2023 03:23

I responded simply saying peaceful enjoyment of your own garden is not prohibited, Leaving aside how “peaceful” 10 adults round a BBQ with music playing actually is, your “peaceful enjoyment” of your garden precludes your neighbours peacefully enjoying theirs for the duration. While you were not wrong to host an event, I think you could recognise that it wasn’t exactly enhancing life for the neighbours outside your friendship group. and that if they didn't want to hear other people living on an estate wasnt a good idea Oh, this is trotted out by everyone who wants to inflict their noise on their neighbours. How about “if you want to make noise that carries beyond your boundaries, living on an estate isn’t a good idea”? Realistically, most people, the noise makers as well as the ones that prefer quiet, have no economic choice but to live in close proximity to others.

AnneNotEmily · 11/09/2023 03:26

Your neighbour was wrong but probably frustrated and exhausted as suspect neither they or their child have been sleeping well in the heat. I’ve been there too this week.

You should have ignored Facebook, you were outside with your friends and it doesn’t sound like you were doing anything wrong but are you sure you weren’t egging each other on with the aggressive replies and maybe being louder and shoutier than you realise?

Original poster
fabmaccawhackythumbsaloft · 11/09/2023 03:33

One of us are loud or shouty , and no one was drunk

I could totally understand it if we'd been out at midnight. Where I used to live our old neighbours had a penchant for a knees up every weekend , one weekend I was up for work at 5 and at 3am they had all the windows open whilst doing drunk karaoke

I nipped round to say I was up at 5 and could they possibly gone it down a tad

They said yes and then carried on exactly as before . There wasn't much I could do about it . My kids were little then .

Our little afternoon bbq was nothing raucous. First time in 2 years living here and nothing else planned .

OP posts:
Original poster
fabmaccawhackythumbsaloft · 11/09/2023 03:33

*none of us that should say

OP posts:
ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 11/09/2023 03:36

fabmaccawhackythumbsaloft · 11/09/2023 02:57

What makes me laugh is today all I've heard is screaming kids

I was soooooo tempted to post my own counter whinge but resisted !

Exactly this. Parents of young children always think their noise is sacrosanct but everyone else needs to walk on bloody eggshells.

Ignore them and carry on.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 11/09/2023 03:38

MereDintofPandiculation · 11/09/2023 03:23

I responded simply saying peaceful enjoyment of your own garden is not prohibited, Leaving aside how “peaceful” 10 adults round a BBQ with music playing actually is, your “peaceful enjoyment” of your garden precludes your neighbours peacefully enjoying theirs for the duration. While you were not wrong to host an event, I think you could recognise that it wasn’t exactly enhancing life for the neighbours outside your friendship group. and that if they didn't want to hear other people living on an estate wasnt a good idea Oh, this is trotted out by everyone who wants to inflict their noise on their neighbours. How about “if you want to make noise that carries beyond your boundaries, living on an estate isn’t a good idea”? Realistically, most people, the noise makers as well as the ones that prefer quiet, have no economic choice but to live in close proximity to others.

Do the parents ever consider others when their offspring are screaming, shrieking and screaming? Or running around in flats heedless of those living beneath them?

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 11/09/2023 03:41

Hungryfrogs23 · 11/09/2023 02:59

Can I vote both?
YABU for getting dragged into swearing and insults on fb.
YANBU for wanting to enjoy your garden.

But as a parent whose sleep cumulatively is still in single figures over this last 3 days because of the heat, I feel their pain. It is bloody exhausting and I'm guessing they were probably at the point where desperation had kicked in to try to get their kid to sleep.

I think overall, maybe a little more understanding and tolerance was needed from both sides.

I mean, really, that is their problem.

People aren't required to curb normal weekend socializing because some nearby parent might be tired or frustrated.

user1492757084 · 11/09/2023 03:42

Your neighbours need to invest in air conditioning and fans in the bedrooms. And block outblinds and earplugs. These will be useful for decades to come.

WoollyRosebud · 11/09/2023 03:50

JanglingJack · 11/09/2023 02:59

My daughter was 18 months and constantly popping her head up through the window as neighbours were very social at the weekends.
I did have to ask that their young children ignore her and stop calling and waving to her!

She conked out eventually.

YANBU.

Our neighbours daughter used to do that when we were sitting in the garden. Didn’t worry us, we used to wave and call up goodnight to her.

My NDNs had a bbq yesterday afternoon. I was unaware of it as was having a siesta with the window open. Your miserable neighbours need to get a grip OP

Bunnycat101 · 11/09/2023 04:01

You’re not unreasonable to have a bbq but I suspect the music carried and was probably more annoying than you expected. It can be really tricky when windows are open because of the heat to find the right balance. Eg the other night my 4yo was woken up by our next door neighbours in the garden. The kids were just playing but the noise was just carrying much more than normal and suspect mine was just a bit hot and bothered so more sensitive to it

Wind direction can make a big difference as well. I went to an event at our school in the summer on another hot day and it didn’t feel loud when I was there but on the walk home the music was properly banging and could be heard ridiculously loudly a mile away. There were lots of complaints that night- If we hadn’t left a bit early we wouldn’t have had a clue how loud it actually was for others.

Brightandshining · 11/09/2023 04:02

YANBU
Some people are so uptight I honestly do not know how they function day to day.
Nowt wrong with sitting in your garden having a BBQ at 7pm on a weekend.
And I say this as a pregnant nightshift worker with 2 young kids.
If I want to sleep I shut my window and wear earplugs.

daisychain01 · 11/09/2023 04:14

fabmaccawhackythumbsaloft · 11/09/2023 03:12

I know I shouldn't have bitten but I'd been sworn at and insulted y this point and it was annoying me that I'd said just come and speak to us , no takers . Funnily enough.

Show quote history

I responded simply saying peaceful enjoyment of your own garden is not prohibited, that yes they did have an option to close the windows and this was the first bbq my friends have had in the 2 years they've lived there , that we weren't exactly having a rave , that we all have or had children, that having kids doesnt give you autonomy to tell others what to do and that if they didn't want to hear other people living on an estate wasnt a good idea.
I also said we were planning on moving inside the house at 9pm
Then the insult's started. I did respond (I know I shouldn't have) saying perhaps if anyone had an issue they could come and knock on the door and discuss it like adults instead of being keyboard warriors.

More insults . Gifs with popcorn . Someone said " i suggest you blah blah blah blah blah
I lost it . I said I suggest you fuck off before I turn the music back on If you hadn't been a dog with a bone on Fakebook, you wouldn't have been sworn at.

You need to step away from Facebook. Even if you were correct in what you said, you lost the moral high ground by ranting on there and not knowing when to stop.