To think that having a bbq on a Saturday afternoon is perfectly acceptable?

[fabmaccawhackythumbsaloft]

I live on a new build estate and a group of neighbours have for,ed a nice friendship group. On Saturday afternoon one of the group hosted a small bbq , planned from 3-9. There were 10 of us to begin with but people drifted off . We were sat around a table in the garden, the Alexa speaker on the doorstep playing the radio but not loudly as we were all chatting.

At 7pm a bloke appeared at the back gate to say he was trying to get his 1 year old to bed and would we turn the music off. We did but continued to sit in the garden .

At 8 pm a post appeared on the community Facebook page saying that people having bbqs were selfish and had no regard for parents trying to put their little,ones to bed in weather we were not equipped for and with no option to close their windows .

I responded simply saying peaceful enjoyment of your own garden is not prohibited, that yes they did have an option to close the windows and this was the first bbq my friends have had in the 2 years they've lived there , that we weren't exactly having a rave , that we all have or had children, that having kids doesnt give you autonomy to tell others what to do and that if they didn't want to hear other people living on an estate wasnt a good idea.
I also said we were planning on moving inside the house at 9pm
Then the insult's started. I did respond (I know I shouldn't have) saying perhaps if anyone had an issue they could come and knock on the door and discuss it like adults instead of being keyboard warriors.someone
Posted a copy of the councils nuisance noise policy ( which ironically showed night hours to be between 11pm and 7am ! ) this was 8 pm

More insults . Gifs with popcorn . Someone said " i suggest you blah blah blah blah blah .
I lost it . I said I suggest you fuck off before I turn the music back on

Today the whinging post had been removed

What the fuck is wrong with people ? It was a sedate afternoon bbq consisting of 10 people aged 35 ~ 50, not an all night rave !
Aibu ?

facebook community has a lot to answer for

Move inside at 7pm?
Hell no

Why should OP and her friends have had to do this?

It was roasting hot all weekend, the whole point of being outside and having a BBQ/gathering

You're not wrong about having the BBQ and normal BBQ noises, but 6 hours of the radio outside is a bit much, IMO. Even if I didn't like it, I'd tolerate the BBQ but 6 hours of radio would make me think you're inconsiderate.

And enjoy this weather while it lasts!

It'll be pissing down with rain by next weekend and garden drinks al fresco and BBQs will be all but a distant memory

I would advise never to get into any sort of discussion of rights and wrongs on Facebook, it never goes well for people and you've probably made yourself look a bit of an arse.

It sounds like you were not being unreasonable, you turned off the music. New builds are on top of each other and sometimes it is hot. I would have just moved my kids to my room on the other side of the house or something at 7 pm because that is incredibly early to be moaaning about noise.

No issues with barbecues but other people's music drifting into your garden is annoying - you can find yourself in the middle of several gardens where music is being played, hearing a cacophony.

I live in a very hot place, where anything under about 25C is cold and the cardigans come out!

Heat, if you’re not used to it, can be exhausting. Add alcohol to that and it’s worse. When you drink in the heat, you should make sure that you’re having enough water.

Homes in the UK, especially when they’re not single storey, are a nightmare, because you don’t have aircon, it’s well insulated, heat rises so the bedrooms which are upstairs are unliveable I should imagine, and even with the windows open, I should think that it’s not really cooling the well insulated house down.

Personally, I wouldn’t have a BBQ if it’s over 30 (and we aren’t allowed to have them anyway, once the temps reach 30+ because of the fire risk) as that just raises the local temperature even more, so people sitting in the garden may find it even hotter (and yes, we entertain, but use fans for cooling whilst cooking, but this year, we’ve just had aircon installed and solar panels).

I don’t think you did anything wrong, sounds like everyone is just over the heat, not getting any relief, and tempers are fraying. I think that some jealousy at not being invited might also be in play, although they were free to host their own BBQ!

I don’t know who these kids are that require perfect silence in order to sleep, but their parents should’ve knocked that sh!t on the head when they were babies. Unless the parents also go to bed at 7pm due to not being able to do anything except read or write letters……

I don’t like BBQ’s that much, even though when permitted to, we have them as I want to be as far away as possible from any extra heat sources when it’s 40+, as regularly happens where I live. But yeah, we’ve hosted and been outside with guitars playing, singing etc., and the next thing you know, it’s 1am 🫣

Loud music, loud voices, stinky smoke from a bbq and a foul mouth on Facebook following the news that a 1 year old among others couldn't sleep because of you.

Yab so u I don't know where to start.

You were far louder than you realise.

Glad you're not my neighbour

There's nothing wrong with a barbecue, other peoples noise can be annoying though.
Getting involved in a Facebook spat is really embarrassing though. I'd be mortified if someone I'd invited round did that.

Singing outside till 1am? Glad you're not my neighbour.

Two sides to every story

Not that early why should they not be able to enjoy the garden on a stifling hot early evening.

My DC school has a very popular music festival every 2 years. Iirc it finishes at 10pm. The first one after covid someone posted on the local fb page at around 8pm that it was too noisy to get their toddlers to sleep.
If I was at a BBQ though I think I would have ignored the whinging. I think it was quite considerate to go indoors at 9pm

Well you all sound like a bunch of children trading insults on the playground. Perhaps it’s time to stay off Facebook when drinking. Nothing wrong with a quiet bbq in the garden.

I don’t mind people being loud but there’s something very irritating about music drifting over.

The OP's post is where the sense of entitlement is exemplified.

A smoky, burnt fat-smelling barbecue for 6 hours with an accompaniment of noisy chatting and alexa radio playing on the doorstep which no-one is listening to.

Spare a thought for people who might want a bit of respite from it.

A shorter meet up with no alexa, some pre-warning for the immediate neighbours, eliminate the smoke by doing the barbecue cooking correctly, and certainly no facebook swearing and ranting would have been more grown up and considerate.

How will you get on with your neighbours after this?

YABVU

BBQ as you described sounds fine. I think getting involved on FB was a bad idea - ignoring it would have annoyed them more. It’s a weekend, why are they so obsessed with their kids sleeping early

that is true. But you only get to ask them to STFU and go inside or whatever at around 11pm not at 7 because you have a kid (PFB?)

I agree that in swearing back you lost moral high ground, but meh.

In your shoes i wouldn't have sworn, but i would have made a complaining post about any tiny noise from anyone but especially small kids, that occurs before 8am and after 7pm. For weeks. Because I'm petty.

I do remember when my DD was little and it was boiling but I couldn’t open the window as the neighbours would be out in the garden talking loudly (alcohol makes you talk louder and when there’s music playing you talk louder still).

But it’s just a part of life and as long as it’s not going on until late or having booming musics then you did nothing wrong (apart from the slagging match on FB which painted you in a bad light).

Your friend actually seemed pretty considerate of her neighbours, especially if this is a rare thing.

Why does everything end up on social media. It’s as if people try to control others by threatening to plasterer stuff over social media if they don’t get their own way.

As an exhausted parent of a little one, i can understand his desperation.

However, you are entitled to a bbq!

That being said, as we’re all making noise during legal hours, we then don’t expect a complaint from adult neighbours if we let our kids into the garden anytime between 7 and 9 the next morning.

We all have to accept that we have different lifestyles and schedules.

Sorry, I'm totally missing the point, but do you even still have to open windows in new builds to get fresh air in? Not familiar with UK building regulations as I'm in another European country, but don't new builds normally have some sort of mandatory controlled ventilation now (needed due to improved airtightness)? We've visited quite a few new builds recently while planning our own house and even the cheaper ones all had MVHR. On a hot day you would switch off the controlled ventilation during the day and back on in the evening to get cooler air in. No more neighbour noise issues either thanks to triple glazing!

Why the hell should we have to invite some bloke we don't know ?

He looked like a fun sponge anyway and I doubt very much if we'd asked him in he'd have said ok then pass me a beer with a cheery smile

This friendship group started because one of the neighbours did put on the group that she wanted to meet others on the estate and had a cheese and wine night with anyone invited , so I. Sure had he wanted to he'd have replied to that and turned up

Now we just continue to meet up every few weeks and either go out out or have a cheese and wine night or in this case a bbq.

The whole estate was subject of an open invite the first time we met

Don't worry, I didn’t have immediate neighbours and we generally weren’t raucous singing, it was 1 person, who was a member of a pop group, so not screechy noise and bad karaoke.

My point was, it’s easy to get carried away and not realise how much noise you’re making! Also, every house is detached where I live now, and when you’re inside with the doors and windows shut (way, way too hot to open them, until about midnight, due to daytime heat, as it’s only about 30C at midnight), you can’t hear any outside noise, especially if you have shutters on your windows, which most people do, to keep the heat out. No double glazing sadly! That’s the only thing I miss about the U.K!