To think that having a bbq on a Saturday afternoon is perfectly acceptable?

[fabmaccawhackythumbsaloft]

I live on a new build estate and a group of neighbours have for,ed a nice friendship group. On Saturday afternoon one of the group hosted a small bbq , planned from 3-9. There were 10 of us to begin with but people drifted off . We were sat around a table in the garden, the Alexa speaker on the doorstep playing the radio but not loudly as we were all chatting.

At 7pm a bloke appeared at the back gate to say he was trying to get his 1 year old to bed and would we turn the music off. We did but continued to sit in the garden .

At 8 pm a post appeared on the community Facebook page saying that people having bbqs were selfish and had no regard for parents trying to put their little,ones to bed in weather we were not equipped for and with no option to close their windows .

I responded simply saying peaceful enjoyment of your own garden is not prohibited, that yes they did have an option to close the windows and this was the first bbq my friends have had in the 2 years they've lived there , that we weren't exactly having a rave , that we all have or had children, that having kids doesnt give you autonomy to tell others what to do and that if they didn't want to hear other people living on an estate wasnt a good idea.
I also said we were planning on moving inside the house at 9pm
Then the insult's started. I did respond (I know I shouldn't have) saying perhaps if anyone had an issue they could come and knock on the door and discuss it like adults instead of being keyboard warriors.someone
Posted a copy of the councils nuisance noise policy ( which ironically showed night hours to be between 11pm and 7am ! ) this was 8 pm

More insults . Gifs with popcorn . Someone said " i suggest you blah blah blah blah blah .
I lost it . I said I suggest you fuck off before I turn the music back on

Today the whinging post had been removed

What the fuck is wrong with people ? It was a sedate afternoon bbq consisting of 10 people aged 35 ~ 50, not an all night rave !
Aibu ?

Everyone loves a good row on a village Facebook page, so I'm sure you kept everyone entertained for the evening.

You're right though, a bbq until 9pm is no biggie and should be expected in an estate setting when the weather is nice, the same as you'll hear shrieking kids playing in a blow up pool in this weather sting the day.

If your neighbour has been dealing with a whinging baby all day due to the heat and it won't settle I can understand him getting annoyed, but unless you had the music blaring and pissed people shouting and swearing then he was BU.

Good on you for standing your ground, often people like this rely on others wanting to avoid an argument to getting their own way.

You are not unreasonable about the BBQ. But maybe stay away from the local Facebook page, it sounds like it annoys you!

Oh well, if you have no immediate neighbours, sing away.

I don't think you should engage with the keyboard warrior via Facebook or even in person in future. If ever he does anything not OK and there is the option of calling the police or involving someone like the DVLA, then do it without hesitation.

I should highly doubt that they were actually cooking for 6 hours! It was 10 people, not 100!

I must have missed the post where @fabmaccawhackythumbsaloft said that the BBQ was smoky due to incorrect usage 🤔

3-9 is a standard time for a BBQ in my road. Of course the noise is frustrating for children who need to be in bed and anyone else who needs to sleep but it's inevitable at some point over the summer.

I think your neighbour was unreasonable. A BBQ every couple of years is totally different to people having them almost every night for months on end. He must have known that it's unlikely you'll be having any more BBQ this year.

@Lastchancechica forgot you have to invite everyone to everything what a ridiculous comment.

OP if you hadn’t said they had a 1 year old I’d have thought this was my dad. Moved to family sized home in a new estate and complains that there are families living there with too many children out playing! Although to be fair, he’d probably have joined your bbq!

Ten people sat around chatting is going to be nosier than you probably realise. It’s not an insignificant group number and people will project more to be heard and/or there’ll be multiple conversations going on.

Thats not to say YABU but I do think you’re grossly underestimating your impact.

As an aside I’ll be glad when all the bbq’s are packed away. People insist on having them right next to the house and it just doesn’t work in the UK where we’re all packed so tightly together. My neighbours regularly fill my house with visible smoke if I’m not quick enough to get the windows closed when they show off their grilling ‘skills’. Set them up at that end of the garden ffs.

Well I disagree. 3-9 is too long on a hot Saturday when everyone else wants to enjoy their homes and gardens without being subjected to peoples’ irritating chat and music. Go to a pub. Why were you getting involved in Facebook spats during your get together anyway?

Not all all unreasonable and just to add, the friendship group sounds lovely! It’s so nice you’ve been able to form that with your neighbours.

Sounds like you were within the reasonable ‘limit’, neighbour was probably just hot and frustrated which I get, but that’s no reason to prohibit you from a normal weekend activity. Hope you enjoyed it, him aside! Ignore people looking for reactions on Facebook -
I deleted mine!

the Alexa speaker on the doorstep playing the radio but not loudly as we were all chatting.

I suspect this was the problem as much as the bbq, radio or music played outside travels even if you think it's not loud. If it's loud enough for you to hear whilst chatting and not sat immediately next to it it's loud enough that you're inflicting it on all your neighbours too.

Actually barbecues annoy me! They were unknown when I was a kid, people didn't decide at the merest hint of fine weather to cook food outdoors, I've sat outside some evenings and all I can smell are several different people cooking/burning various types of meat, if i go indoors the smell comes in through open windows, everyone is cooking at different times and for extended hours so the smell goes on forever. I don't complain because I know that the response will be that I am a miserable so-and so , but I long for the days when people didn't get the barbie out and just sat in their garden/back yard.

I hate people playing music outside - it's always shit music, it always carries further than they think, and it encourages people to talk louder than they normally would. It's awful.

But you turned the music off, which I think is really considerate behaviour!

If it's a new build, another factor might have been that new builds tend to be built facing different directions rather than in a uniform line up, and this causes problems where bedrooms overlook gardens. Also, the layout might have created an amplifying effect - a friend's house has this, the walls and houses around a neighbour's garden make noise much louder, which goes straight into one of her bedrooms. There's nothing anyone can do about it, it's just a design flaw of the build layout.

Ultimately though, I think being a good neighbour means getting to know your neighbours enough so you know if someone is on their knees due to sleep deprivation, or if you're living next to a pensioner with impaired hearing, and living accordingly with a bit of give and take, rather than taking to sm saying who has the greater entitlement.

You weren’t, imo, being unreasonable at all. 3-9 is totally normal on a weekend day for a bbq for a small group. Doesn’t sound like anything out of the ordinary was going on at all!
I guess he was probably having a tough time with his toddler who was overly warm anyway and it all just got a bit stressful for him!
I wouldn’t have responded on Facebook, having already said what I needed to in person, but it’s hard to blame you for getting heated when you’re being insulted etc. Bet the members of the group loved it, a Facebook argument is better than a soap opera 🤣

you lost the moral high ground by ranting on there and not knowing when to stop.

Absolutely. What were you thinking? My local FB page is equally moany. Which is why it's insane to respond on it because everyone's going to ride with the neighbour anyway, and you just come across as even more unreasonable.

You weren't identified, so dignified silence, for goodness sake..

You did nothing wrong. They took it to fb, not you and it sounds like you handed him his arse! There's no moral high ground to be had by not saying your piece - you'd just be raging this morning. Instead you got it all there and made it clear that your behaviour is perfectly legal and him having a baby does not mean everyone else has to curtail their freedoms to raise it!

It's true about the screaming kids in the daytime too. People generally put up with noisy play and don't complain because this is normal for children and there has to be a bit of tolerance of normal life activities.

The cooking was all over by 5 pm . Bbq closed lid so no smoke.

The two direct neighbours at both sides came round for a drink and a bite to eat , and one of them has an 8 month old . She went home to put him to bed at about 6.30 pm

I know I should have stopped after my first comment but people were just being so childish and insulting I thought oh sod it

And I really do t care how I get on with them in future , they aren't my friend or my issue

One person did comment saying the people on there were being ridiculous and where was her invite ! and I replied saying come over you'd be more than welcome ,

It really was a sedate friendly affair , no one was being rowdy , everyone there has kids themselves so not exactly party animals

Personally, I would have knocked and told the neighbours first.

One because Saturday is a great day for drying your washing and two it's just courtesy, but that's just me. Each to their own.

My neighbours, one in particular has a barbecue every single day when it's warm and he has no idea how to barbecue, in that it smokes really badly. They never tell us they're doing it but we'd never knock and tell them it's antisocial, I just shut my doors till the smoke has gone and I fetch my washing in. We're still friendly.

This weekend there has been some amount of moaning on local fb groups!! I think this weather and the super moon has brought the crazies out.... OP of course YANBU it's your garden you paid for it so do what you like

Why should I remain polite when people were throwing insults at me while hiding behind a keyboard

Because (to quote Michelle Obama) 'when they go low, we go high'.

You were fine to have a BBQ at the hours you say. You would have been fine to be noisier than you say you were at those times. But to get drawn into a Facebook spat was childish. The minute you did that you sank to their level.

So you stopped eating at 5 but were still drinking hours later?
Oh, dear.
Estate life at its finest.

New build estates - houses packed on top of each other, tiny gardens. In an ideal world everyone would be considerate and not make noise outside in the evenings when living so close to other people, knowing their will be a lot of families with young children trying to sleep. In reality most people are selfish which is why I would never choose to live somewhere like that.

Wtf is this meant to mean 😭😂

Are you kidding me?

I said the cooking was over by then , it was plated up and people helped the,selves all night

I took one bottle of wine and one bottle of fizzy water , to last from 3 till 9
Yeah we're crazy we are