To tell his partner we slept together?

[kuzmichtm]

Please be kind, I know I've made a mistake.

I have a 15 year old DS with my ex H, we split nearly 6 years ago and I got into another relationship, I have a 18 month old with him but we split when he was a couple months old as he was very abusive towards me. He doesn't have any involvement. My ex H has been helpful, he had DS1 living with him as there wasn't any space at my mums, he looked after DS2 on occasions.

He came over last night to bring DS1’s school bag, DS1 was out and my mum had my youngest. I invited him to have some drinks and he agreed and we ended up sleeping together.

He's been in a relationship for 3 years but I'm not sure where I should tell her or not.

WIBU?

No. And leave your ex alone romantically. He is not available.
(Nor is he the commitment type)
You both made a mistake worth forgetting.
Your kids don't need the blurry, messy lines and his partner doesn't need a gloating ex.
Your ex needs to stay focussed on what is best for his new relationship while keeping up his Dad responsibilities.

Be more proffessional - why is he staying over the minute you are not at your Mother's house? Develop self discipline and self respect.

You ate a right piece of work, aren't you?

No, absolutely not… think of your children first and foremost every time.

If you tell her you will lose your easy friendship and his support. He will hate you. It will impact on stability for your child. Don't do it. He has helped and supported you don't throw it in his face.

Do you want to be with him? If so tell him so he can decide to end this with her if he wants to be with you. But he may not choose you.

He is the one that cheated not the op, but you want to make yourself feel better for winning a prize like at a funfair?

You want to tell to absolve yourself of how you feel, does it really feel nice what you did? Was it worth it?

Yes tell her, she deserves to know what a total lying cheating shit he is. And you both deserve the absolute avalanche of consequences that will come with that due to your disgusting selfish behaviour. As you watch your poor child's life unravel, remember that you did that.

Mumsnet at its finest- hurt lady who has been cheated on and dares to say a bad word about other woman- its not her fault, totally the man's fault, he's the one with a commitment to her blah blah

Lady who has done the cheating- pages of hostility and rage directed against her.

Not saying which is right or wrong btw- just what a joke.

They're not comparable threads though.

On threads where a woman is hurting due to her husband cheating, I don't think anyone says a hurt woman should never say anything bad about the other woman.
Posters tend to remind the hurt woman that the actions of the other woman are irrelevant because whilst OW is responsible for her actions, the husband is 100% responsible for his actions and he is the one who made the decision to cheat.
People do this to try to prevent a hurt woman falling into the trap of "my Derrick is so wonderful, but the evil temptress at work led him astray".

On this thread there's a woman who has, let's be honest, engineered a situation where the chance of sleeping with her ex was a possibility, slept with her ex and now wants to know if she's right to consider throwing a grenade into everyone's life. Her ex husband is entirely responsible for HIS actions. The OP is responsible for hers.

If her ex husband has his own thread, he'd be getting a pasting.

If ex husband's new partner found out and posted a thread upset about it, people would probably say OP's actions were shitty but it's the ex/husband who made the decision to cheat.

Some of these comments are really unpleasant. Fwiw, I think the op engineered this situation and now wants to tell his partner so that she will leave him and he'll get back together with her. Shes not the first woman who's done this and won't be the last. Honestly though, cheating is not great but the response to it on these boards you would think it's akin to murder.

The depths of these comments thinking Op wants him back and gets him pissed to do so what a load of bollocks.

What makes you think posters reactions are akin to if it was murder? What specific bits?

This situation was put here to make people go

They are patently not as bad as each other. You're just minimising his actions and trying to shift blame to her.

So I'll happily take patronism over internalised misogyny thanks.

Please don't tell her.

You and your ex need to agree that it was a one off stupid mistake which will never be repeated

As others have said, if you tell her the repercussions for your ds could be horrendous. At the moment he has parents who are separated but are able to co-parent amicably. If you tell her then that will stop.

YABU why would you do that, any of it

https://open.spotify.com/track/3iLUy0E1Jk5ayKG34Xb9XA?si=0Q8p_CxKRNa4q3fcyj1O_w

@MorrisZapp 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Sounds like he’s a decent ex and helpful co-parent so I wouldn’t do a thing to scupper that. Keep shutum and don’t do it again.

So no response then as to why you think it's ok to have sex with someone you know has been in a relationship for 3 years? Can you not see how unpleasant this makes you look? Was it spite or revenge? I mean you clearly don't like her much otherwise you'd have kept your hands off her partner but what about him? Do you still have feelings for him or are you just out to mess his relationship up? Either way you don't come out of this looking too good. But then neither does he so perhaps you're as bad as each other.

They are both to blame, but we are responding to her so I have framed my answer accordingly. I think I have already explained this, just as I am reiterating that we are all allowed different opinions, that's rudimentary knowledge in regards to discussion.

And good for you, I support your right to be as patronising as you wish. You are bristling with self importance and it suits you.

I don't see what you will gain from saying anything, OP

Unless of course, you have an agenda, and want to split his relationship up and cause a rift for your kid

See, it will just create a whole lot of drama for one mistake.

Not self importance. Just a feminist. I can't abide misogyny. Insidious or blatant.

They aren't both to blame. He's married, the OP isn't. It's really not that difficult.

You sound nice

No it's not difficult, but you seem to find it so. I've said they are both to blame 3 TIMES now. Your lack of comprehension of other people's posts is bordering on the inane.

I can't be arsed replying anymore as you show so little comprehension.

You’re both disgusting.

leave his partner alone, it is his relationship and now it is his mess to deal with. It is not your job to start meddling

My lack of comprehension lol

What do you not understand about the fact that the blame lies with him as he is the married one?

Yes we can leave it. I have no time for misogyny and no wish to derail this further. Your type of attitude of holding women to a higher standard and minimising the actions of men contributes to everything negative we as females face and have to fight against. I'm genuinely sorry you aren't capable of seeing that. I would hate to feel that way about myself.

I won't engage further.

I don't understand this attitude of it's not her place to tell the partner or questioning her motive, what does it matter, he slept with her, he did it why shouldn't his partner know and why does it matter the motive for telling her?!

Despite what others have said I think she needs to know as it's bloody awful behaviour from both of you. You need to tell him that you will tell her if he doesn't. People saying move on from it are awful on here what is wrong with you all, he cheated on the poor woman she deserves to know!