Ex wants to install antenna to use Internet from my property

[Wifispy]

My ex reluctantly left a few months ago as he was emotionally abusive and controlling, and hurt the children more than once. He rents a shared property around the corner and over the road (bit too close for comfort, but at least he's not in the house).

I was concerned he had access to my phone somehow, he knew things I'd talked about in private etc and he's extremely tech savvy (part of his job). So I bought a new phone and haven't connected it to the house WiFi, which he still pays for. Now he wants to install an antenna on the outside of my house so he can access the WiFi at his new place. He needs a good connection for wfh, and says the Internet at his new place is rubbish (we have the fastest you can get here). He won't ask his landlord about upgrading or moving his contract over there, claiming it would require the house to be rewired.

AIBU to think he wants access to spy on me somehow or am I being paranoid? When I asked him who the internet was with the other month he claimed he couldn't remember, and I don't have the password to access it (my laptop and the TV etc are already connected so I only ever ask for it if I have a guest who wants to connect, and he never tells me).

Yea something dodgy is up. Tell him no

Definitely not. I’d also unplug the router and install my own wifi.

Firstly, no.

Secondly look up how to change your wifi router password, or speak to your provider and say you are concerned an ex has access to your home network.

Trust your instincts and protect your space.

It's not normal is it? I've arranged for a different provider from next week. I haven't told him yet, I will admit I'm scared of his reaction.

I pay £22pm for superfast broadband. If he says he will stop it set it up in your name

This is really scary OP.

Do you have a hive? Or an Alexa? Anything like that? I'd immediately disconnect them.

Well done. It's none of his fucking business.

wouldnt be happening, he can sort it out with the landlord

i would also be unplugging the router in your house and obtaining another service through another provider

Funny you should say that, he brought an Alexa round not long after he'd moved out, said it was a 'gift from work'. That got unplugged straight away.

Well done for changing the broadband. He's talking complete shite about his WiFi so you're sensible to be changing yours. Don't give him the password.

Can the password on your WiFi he is stalking you

Don't let him do anything of the sort.

Tell him no.
If you are out of contract with your ISP and don't need super fast internet then downgrade your speed as it will save you money. Make sure that you own the account and pay so he can't call them up and find out passwords etc
When you get a new contract, make sure that you change your password from the default so he can't access your wifi. Are your kids seeing him? Make sure that any devices that they take don't have your wifi password saved on them so he can copy the details.
It will be easier to say no if he's not paying any more.

Really good point about making sure none of the kids devices have the new password. I'll deffo change it from the default.

Well done make sure you change all your password Amazon, emails etc on a friends WiFi and check the mobile number they are linked to for reset and emails

Absolutely not.

It likey breaches the terms of his ISP to use it at an additional address.

Anyway once you set up a connection in your own name, tell him.

Oh and did you get his request in writing? If not next time try to get any of his "weird" requests through email or at least SMS.

Yes we have a long Whatsapp about it, me saying I'm not comfortable with it him outlining why it's the most sensible course of action and saying 'wait, you don't think I'm doing this to spy on you or something do you?' I have never mentioned spying to him, he doesn't even know I changed my phone!

Also as someone who has studied computer networking at university, can I just also say his reasoning is bullshit. A wired connection will ALWAYS be faster than a wireless connection over distances like that, and the wireless connection will be subject to more interference over a distance of several houses. Even if you have fibre optic, he wouldn't get fibre optic speeds from using some sort of antenna from your broadband to his house which is at least a few houses away from you and on the other side of the road! He just wouldn't get functional high-speed WiFi from that for things like streaming.

Whatever he wants this for, it's not to get himself online.

Tell him if he's having internet problems to get mobile internet from Three for £9.99 a month.

If you haven't already, I'd buy yourself a new landline handset just in case he's messed with that as well, and when you get time, have a thorough search of the house for any cameras, weird devices, etc since he's commented on your private conversations.

That’s all beyond creepy. It’s pretty clear he still wants access to you via the internet.

Absolutely hard no to the antenna - if he can’t get a wired/cabled connection then he can look into a sim router with a data sim, can’t he?

Definitely change your connection - new router, new company, new account, the whole works. Tell the company there’s a domestic abuse issue so your ex can’t pull any stunts like “happening” to chat to the installer and tricking the password out of them. Make sure your passwords are nothing he can guess - no pet names etc.

If and when he doesn’t like it, tough tits. If he kicks off, call the police.

This is exactly what I thought, that wired would always be faster! He claims they only have WiFi at his, which can't be right?

I did get so paranoid at one point that I checked some of the light fittings. He'd dismantled two LED light bulbs at one point and it got me worried.

(think about it logically, if WiFi was good enough to work like this, Virgin Fibre Optic wouldn't need to spend millions drilling massive cables up and down the road and into your home to put fast internet into people's houses, they could just put up antennas at the top and bottom of every street)

He claims they only have WiFi at his, which can't be right?
If the WiFi is connected to the internet and isn't on fibre optic broadband, it is connected with a DSL cable. He could just put in a cable splitter and connect directly to the DSL and run the cable up to his room, and leave everyone else to use the router.

All very good points. It's so good to have a reality check, it's scary how they can get inside your head and convince you that black is white.

and when you get time, have a thorough search of the house for any cameras, weird devices, etc since he's commented on your private conversations.

Be careful of new things the children have, too - there are soft toys with cameras embedded which are designed to check up on childcare, but could be used for nefarious purposes.

I did get so paranoid at one point that I checked some of the light fittings. He'd dismantled two LED light bulbs at one point and it got me worried.

I don't know about you being paranoid. If I were you I'd check all of them.