Ex wants to install antenna to use Internet from my property

[Wifispy]

My ex reluctantly left a few months ago as he was emotionally abusive and controlling, and hurt the children more than once. He rents a shared property around the corner and over the road (bit too close for comfort, but at least he's not in the house).

I was concerned he had access to my phone somehow, he knew things I'd talked about in private etc and he's extremely tech savvy (part of his job). So I bought a new phone and haven't connected it to the house WiFi, which he still pays for. Now he wants to install an antenna on the outside of my house so he can access the WiFi at his new place. He needs a good connection for wfh, and says the Internet at his new place is rubbish (we have the fastest you can get here). He won't ask his landlord about upgrading or moving his contract over there, claiming it would require the house to be rewired.

AIBU to think he wants access to spy on me somehow or am I being paranoid? When I asked him who the internet was with the other month he claimed he couldn't remember, and I don't have the password to access it (my laptop and the TV etc are already connected so I only ever ask for it if I have a guest who wants to connect, and he never tells me).

He came in the house? Have you hidden the router and anything with the new password on?

You need to be really on top of your game here OP. Get a router that you can set up a guest network to - this way you can put all your kids devices that leave the house on a different network to your own and internal home stuff.. or he will be able to access the password when they take their tablets etc over to his house. You can also get a hidden camera detector for about £20 and scan it over all light fittings etc - anything giving off wireless will emit a detectable radiation. If you find any evidence the take it to the police with a restraining order request

Yep, password changed and all router information taken off the router. Can set up a guest network too thankfully.

Will definitely check out the hidden camera detector

You really need to move , otherwise you will never have any peace .

If you can't move you really need to set some boundaries in place.
Hes still controlling you. You've said you're scared of his reactions. He's in your home interrogating you.
He doesn't get to do that anymore, but you are allowing it. It's in your control to finally put a stop to it.

Honey you deserve safe boundaries.

I sent my ex something along these lines.

‘Ex, as our separation progresses, it’s best to be clear about arrangements. The children are old enough to say their goodbyes on the doorstep, so from now on I will not be coming into your home and expect the same courtesy in return from you. This will be positive for all of us, first and foremost the children.’

He HATED it but it made a huge difference for me and the kids.

Unlikely but be aware of air tags.
https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2022/sep/05/i-didnt-want-it-anywhere-near-me-how-the-apple-airtag-became-a-gift-to-stalkers

please put some boundaries in place. The message up thread is good. Ignore the barrage of texts that may come your way. I know it feels like you need to explain yourself - but you really do NOT.

Thanks everyone, I need to hold firm, and yes, get some boundaries in place. I also need to stop doubting my decisions based on what he says, and learn to trust myself completely again.

Did he explain how he knew you had changed the Internet?

I hope your calm but immediate response was, 'How could you possibly know I've changed my internet provider in my home?'

Can you ask the police for advice? Tell them it's not been an amicable, split, he keeps entering your home when you don't want him to, you're afraid of him, and you have reason to believe he was spying on you via your internet provider and you're worried there are hidden cameras in your home.

Tell him after his behaviour today he is no longer welcome to come in the house, that he says goodbye outside the pavement.

Get a door chain and use it.

I think you should think about moving, but when you say barrage of messages your only response to these is How did you know I’ve changed internet? Repeat. But how exactly did you know this? Repeat You haven’t answered my question. Nothing else at all in your replies