To not want her coming in the house?

[Ogy]

My husbands ex wife, his older child's mum. AIBU to not want her just waltzing into our house?

A bit of background, she never used to so I don't know why it's suddenly started but it's irritating as hell. My stepdaughter is old enough to get any things together and walk to the car at the bottom of the garden or meet at the door but for some reason her mum has started just coming in and waiting for her inside the house. She'll ring DD rather than knock and then she'll just come in whilst SDD goes upstairs and gets the last of her things.

Due to SDDs age now, DH sometimes goes to work in the mornings rather than wait for her to be collected before going which means sometimes I'm here alone too with our DC. This isn't a woman who's been very friendly toward me either so I have no desire to make random small talk with her in my living room waiting for DSD.

Aibu to tell DH to speak to her and ask that she doesn't just come in especially when hes not here. She turned up early yesterday (not uncommon for her to be early or late) so I was just lay on the sofa in my nighty eating my breakfast when she waltzed in! I'm sick of it.

Contact is 2 nights on 2 off so it's not a tiny amount of time either.

Ok you can lock the door but what if your stepdaughter wants to invite her in? Work on get some kind of relationship with her for all your sakes.personally I’d killer with kindness…coffee, biscuits etc….

YANBU you can still 'be in each other lives' (you really don't need to be) with boundaries. It's disrespectful, it's not her house. Does she walk into peoples houses when she collects her child from friends? Unlikely. If you let her in that's your choice but for her to walk in is rude.

I don't know anyone who locks their door when they in it in the day. I also don't know anyone who just walks into other people's houses without being invited in.

Every house I’ve lived in, the front door has locked when you close it behind you-you don’t need to ‘do’ anything to make it happen.

If you don’t want her to just walk in, just change your lock to one like that.

I also don't know anyone who just walks into other people's houses without being invited in

You don't know the little girl in our rural village that kept wandering into strangers houses, or the bored teens who were emulating that TikTok twat by walking into random houses, or anyone who has committed opportunistic thievery by trying a few doors, then, luckily.

I also don't personally know anyone who has died in a car crash, but I still put my seatbelt on.

Is this true?

Exactly this. Keep door locked, open door, tell the woman DSD will be out shortly and she can wait in the car. Close door.

you DONT have to have an unpleasant woman in your home

and you DONT have to ask DH to sort this. You can sort this yourself- and as she’s been unpleasant in the past, it’s absolutely fine to be cool/cold with her.

I think you’d have a hell of a job persuading an insurance company to pay up if your door was unlocked.

Anyone who does this regularly (and things people who lock their doors are mad) should be checking the small print on their insurance policy!

PaulaZackMayo Yes, some insurers require evidence of forced entry before they will pay out. Unlocked or even wide open doors and windows will invalidate any claim of loss.

Of course not but do you leave them open all night because you shouldn't have to lock your door to prevent random people coming in and stealing stuff?

Just open it in such a way she can't get past, say she'll be down in a minute, close it and relock it.

What about something like this,is it a possibility? For £8 It's extra security and automatically locks when your DH leaves. She would do my nut in by walking in willy nilly.

That's interesting to know because I know loads of people who don't lock their doors.

My cousin had her car pinched because she left her car keys on the kitchen table. Someone walked in and took them. Luckily her insurance company paid up.

I shouldn't have to lock my door to prevent a random woman walking in my house should I?

You said your SD might be inviting her in. And she’s hardly a random woman.

Not necessarily if you are home/

my friend went to bed and left the door open for her husband. Someone came in took the car keys and stole the car. They were covered because she was home.

Agree with this. SIL used to be similar, she liked the control of walking in. I used to wait outside DSCs house when collecting them, I’d never have impinged in their mother’s territory (they split up 7 years before we met so no animosity, just a very sore ex-wife, with good reason). They’re in their 20s now so not an issue any more. Your house, your rules. DH needs to speak to her and you need to lock the door.

This happened to one of my family members and she was covered.

You need to get in control of the situation here op and that means making sure you're up and about around pick up time to ensure door is locked. Then you can open it yourself and either invite her in or say dsd will be coming out to the car in 5 minutes. But it's YOU in control. Repeat until the message is drummed in.

Some wet people in here drive me mad. So many limp individuals who can't get a grip. FGS woman, just lock your door.

Get your DH to speak to her. And tell DSD when she answers the phone to say I will be out in a moment.

I take it you don’t have chancers going round trying doorhandles where you live? It happens fairly often. I have a friend whose elderly in-laws live in a nice area yet were held at knife point by 1 of the 2 men that just walked in off the street, whilst the other went searching for money/valuables. They were absolutely traumatised.

She doesn't need her husband to speak to her. She should be capable of doing this herself.

I think thats quite rude, I don't even walk into families houses I always knock even my son's house it's common courtesy. Lock your door.

We changed our front door so you can’t open it from outside even if it’s not locked for the reason that several people do just walk in. Yes they might be our family members but it still pisses me off.

It’s not about OP’s capability, it’s about this being DH’s ex and therefore his responsibility to stop ex doing this.