To have walked out the car dealership after this blatant rudeness, perhaps sexism?

[Sorentolove]

DH and I went to upgrade our shared family car (I drive it 80% of the time) at the local dealership.

The car was purchased 4 years ago at another (same brand) dealership and we're coming to the end of the Lease.

It was purchased under his name, this one will be purchased under my name.

The appointment was made in his name.

We arrived slightly ahead of time and we're greeted pleasantly, offered coffees and waited for the staff member. Another pleasant staff member passed by and had a brief chat with us both.

Our fellow came up to us at the wait area introduced himself to my DH, shook his hand, and started talking about the car we'd expressed an interest in.

Rather taken aback at being ignored, I stood up, offered my hand and introduced myself as Mrs SLove.

He shook my hand and guided us to his desk where we talked for a couple of minutes about the car, then he said he'd get the keys and then show us the vehicle.

DH and I looked at each other and we saw we were on the same page that this branch did not deserve our money and we decided to leave.

I caught the manager's eye on the way out and explained our disappointment.

He was furious and tried to convince us to stay, even stopping us as we were driving off the car park. We were resolute though, and they lost a sale.

Wwbu?

Your thread title is misleading and you have changed what you are upset about. Likely, had the appointment been in your name, the salesperson would have concentrated on you, not your DH. That’s not sexism. So, on understanding that you have pivoted to the fact they were not courteous. Sadly, courteous or not, I just want the best deal so buy on that basis alone these days.

It was certainly rude of the salesman to ignore you. I doubt I’d have walked out right then, maybe one chance to redeem himself.

I remember several years ago getting a call for Mr LizzieRegina. I politely said he wasn’t home and asked if I could give him a message. The caller said he was from XYZ financial services and would like to discuss investing and retirement products and could I have Mr LizzieRegina call him back. I said oh no, I’m the one who manages the finances in our home, so you have a nice day now. click.

Oh the irony, on multiple levels.

😂😂 watch out OP - you'll be the 'talk of the office'

Newsflash - she doesn't care!! She bought her car elsewhere.

The sales man was rude - he didn't get his commission. End of.

Completely something over nothing. I have had experience the other way around!

Haven't read all comments but if that had been us, when greeted by the salesman DH would have said something like "nice to meet you, and this is my wife Daisychain" so that the salesman acknowledged me into the conversation. That could have taken away some of the awkwardness from it.

I think you cut off your nose to spite your face, but I do get the annoyance at blatant sexism in the motor industry, it's really 18th century.

I've been asked by a man on the sales forecourt whether I needed help getting my car into a tight parking space, - that really grated. It was lovely saying "no thanks" and reversing it in myself - what was worse, I had to wind down the window and ask him to kindly get out of the way as he was standing actually in the parking space flapping his arms around, like he was helping not

Common courtesy costs nothing.

Completely agree with this. Give the sales person the information - if he then ignores you and directs everything at DH then it’s an issue.

We did leave a car garage once without purchasing the car we wanted as when we sat down to actually purchase the car (DH, myself and DS who was a few months old but purchasing in my name) the salesman asked DH what industry he worked in, they had small talk about that and then the salesman turned to me and said “and you’re the childcare” 😂 fuck off mate 👍🏻

It was rude of him not to acknowledge you at the introductions, so I would have corrected that immediately by saying "And I'm Snowy, it'll be mainly me driving the car". If he continued to direct the conversation to DH after that, it would be very different than if he then started talking to both of us.

You did the right thing challenging this behaviour OP. It's irrelevant whose name the appointment was in. The salesperson should not have ignored you.

The way you've handled it was dramatic but then again it's only by realising they're losing sales that automotive may finally decide to trample on this kind of sexism through training and workplace culture improvements.

Why do we keep having tripe like this on MN?

I highly doubt manager was furious he had no choice but to act like this infront of two overly sensitive people. Let's face it someone else will stroll in next few days wanting to look at same car.

My toes are curling thinking of you walking out making a huge scene.

This is the sort of thing that goes under daily life annoyance for me. But unless there was more to it, I couldn't be arsed to make a point or inconvenience myself over it. I would assume it's habitual for him rather than personal to me. Not great , but let's just get the car sorted. But PP have made a point that he could ve thought husband was the customer but really I'd of thought in chit chat salespeople would check out is it a family car etc .

There is no proof that the salesperson was sexist, but he was certainly rude and lacking in social/professional skills to ignore one of you, in this instance you. As pp's have said, it was probably because the appointment was in your husband's name. He made a mistake. He is human. And I would have given him another chance. What you did comes across to me as a bit precious.

You know sexism when you see it. Car showrooms are notorious for it - even when the car is for you, and your husband is just along for the ride (as with me when we bought a car just for me in the past). Threads like this where people argue with the obvious are weird. Especially the “Mrs xxx” bit. Given that is your honorific and surname.

I’m glad you said. Perhaps the salesman will reflect on your feedback. Or, more likely, he’ll put it down to your time of the month…

I understand but think it's as over reaction.
You didn't seem to even make a stab at starting to put him right.

I booked a double glazing company a few weeks ago. I met him at the door. I explained what was required and discussed building work. My husband sauntered up the garden said hello. He asked my husband his name , shook his hand and from that point only spoke to him and addressed the quote to him😡 I didn't go with their quote obviously but it's infuriating.

Having worked in sales I can see why he honed in on the person who
booked the appt
owned the car
and thought was buying the new car

not great and a touch rude but more because he was focusing on the decision maker not because you are a woman

This thread has made me think about how gross shaking hands with people actually is. He might have just picked his nose or scratched his balls.

Sorry - not helpful.

So you were annoyed that he shook hands with your husband, after the appointment and the previous car was in his name, and introduced yourself as an extension of your husband. And sue to that one oversight (potentially the only one) you both stropped out. Nice.

YABVU

I have to meet and greet many couples and singles in my line of work. Especially in the name of EDI, I would not assume a woman sitting by the man I knew I was to meet had anything to do with him. Imagine how mortifying it would have been to be referred to as Mrs SLove and you were just a female waiting to try a car?

He knew he was meeting DH, he greeted DH, you corrected him, the meeting progressed.

I'd think you were absolutely barking if you then walked out in a huff. Our feelings are also our responsibility, not just the world around us interacting with us; you could have said, 'I am upset you didn't greet me at the same time as my DH as I am part of this sale too.', and the sales person could have then apologised appropriately and moved on. But to stomp out without giving him recourse is VVU.

That isn’t correct, the garage would have taken copies of ID, and in many cases a bank statement. As Mrs does not match the customers ID check, that would prevent authorisation because Mrs Carbuyer hasn’t supplied any ID, proof of income etc.

Dear me a bit too over sensitive I think. My husband and I go and buy cars together and find the staff perfectly pleasant!

It was rude to ignore you but after you introduced yourself you didn’t then give him another chance?
Why didn’t you see how it went as he showed you the car?

Hi, I realise the appointment was under my husband's name, but this car will be for me.

Non issue.

He was a little rude in not acknowledging you at once perhaps, but you escalated from 1 to 10 for utterly no reason. Are you always this touchy?

I dislike sexist attitudes from salespeople and contractors. That's why, when we are making big purchases, I make the appointments in my name not DHs. I have even been known to buy my own cars without him even being present. You could try that.

a few years ago a builder came round and we agreed terms and a start date for a large household project. As he was leaving he hesitated and said 'Don't you want to discuss this with your husband first?' I don't blame him. As an ex sales person myself I know it's essential to ensure you are dealing with the 'decision making unit' which could be either partner or both of them. He wasn't to know that in our household the final decision in anything like that is always mine. As it was, I told him I didn't want to trouble DH's pretty little head about something like that and the project went ahead as agreed.