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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have walked out the car dealership after this blatant rudeness, perhaps sexism?

719 replies

Sorentolove · 09/09/2023 23:05

DH and I went to upgrade our shared family car (I drive it 80% of the time) at the local dealership.

The car was purchased 4 years ago at another (same brand) dealership and we're coming to the end of the Lease.

It was purchased under his name, this one will be purchased under my name.

The appointment was made in his name.

We arrived slightly ahead of time and we're greeted pleasantly, offered coffees and waited for the staff member. Another pleasant staff member passed by and had a brief chat with us both.

Our fellow came up to us at the wait area introduced himself to my DH, shook his hand, and started talking about the car we'd expressed an interest in.

Rather taken aback at being ignored, I stood up, offered my hand and introduced myself as Mrs SLove.

He shook my hand and guided us to his desk where we talked for a couple of minutes about the car, then he said he'd get the keys and then show us the vehicle.

DH and I looked at each other and we saw we were on the same page that this branch did not deserve our money and we decided to leave.

I caught the manager's eye on the way out and explained our disappointment.

He was furious and tried to convince us to stay, even stopping us as we were driving off the car park. We were resolute though, and they lost a sale.

Wwbu?

OP posts:
sunglassesonthetable · 10/09/2023 19:15

We just don't agree that op sitting like a lump whilst her dh stood up and introduced himself leading to the salesman not intuiting who she was, equals bad service.

Nah lots of talk about " the lease"

( remember @HarrietJet "why the face!")
Sitting " like a lump" wasn't mentioned then.

Did you sit like a lump @Sorentolove

Or was the Salesman like a plank

" only one name on the appointment, only one name on the appointment "

That's the other train of thought😆

HarrietJet · 10/09/2023 19:21

sunglassesonthetable · 10/09/2023 19:15

We just don't agree that op sitting like a lump whilst her dh stood up and introduced himself leading to the salesman not intuiting who she was, equals bad service.

Nah lots of talk about " the lease"

( remember @HarrietJet "why the face!")
Sitting " like a lump" wasn't mentioned then.

Did you sit like a lump @Sorentolove

Or was the Salesman like a plank

" only one name on the appointment, only one name on the appointment "

That's the other train of thought😆

Are you drunk, by any chance, or do you always make this much that is, not much at all sense?
What a very weird post.

ZeldaFighter · 10/09/2023 19:24

The salesman was ignorant and rude in my opinion. I have sadly met plenty of men who don't think women are worth wasting their breath on. They generally don't get my custom. It's not the individual situation, it's that some men think women are beneath their notice.

However, I'm not as brave or I'm more mean than the op. I usually listen to their spiel/waste their time, then tell husband afterwards that I will happily buy the product, just never from that person.

sunglassesonthetable · 10/09/2023 19:25

Are you drunk, by any chance, or do you always make this much that is, not much at all sense?
What a very weird post.

Not drunk.

No but keep on with the snarks.

sunglassesonthetable · 10/09/2023 19:29

We've had

get a hobby
I'm banging on
Am I drunk?

Is this cos I'm disagreeing with you? 😉

2jacqi · 10/09/2023 19:42

I have walked out of garages due to this treatment too! I have been asked to bring my husband back to sign the documents! I said this is my car and not his and I am paying for it, not him, but if you dont want to sell a brand new car to me because I am alone then so be it! just go elsewhere!! I just drove to the very next garage and ordered my car from there!! first garage's loss. Not every woman needs a man!! my hubby was playing sport!

GodDammitCecil · 10/09/2023 19:51

Deathbyfluffy · 10/09/2023 11:56

There’s nothing patriarchal about introducing yourself by your surname ffs.
Get a grip, it’s perfectly normal 🙄

Show quote history

Yes, there is if you’re trying to make a point about sexism - and then introduce yourself as Mrs Husband’s Surname.

She’s free to take her husband’s name (I have). She’s even free to refer to herself as Mrs Husband’s Surname, instead of just her own name (beyond pompous IMO, but she’s free to).

Doing it in this scenario loses her every inch of moral high ground.

Get a clue.

FiddleLeaf · 10/09/2023 20:09

What a reach to say she can’t be upset or ‘loses the moral high ground’ by giving her name. Whether it came from her husband or father makes no difference.

HarrietJet · 10/09/2023 20:21

FiddleLeaf · 10/09/2023 20:09

What a reach to say she can’t be upset or ‘loses the moral high ground’ by giving her name. Whether it came from her husband or father makes no difference.

Edited

She prefaced it with Mrs. Not Jenny or Mabel or whatever her name is.
I mean op could be in her sixties/seventies, she hasn't said; but it's a strange way for a younger people to introduce themselves.

ParentingSolo · 10/09/2023 20:37

sunglassesonthetable · 10/09/2023 19:15

We just don't agree that op sitting like a lump whilst her dh stood up and introduced himself leading to the salesman not intuiting who she was, equals bad service.

Nah lots of talk about " the lease"

( remember @HarrietJet "why the face!")
Sitting " like a lump" wasn't mentioned then.

Did you sit like a lump @Sorentolove

Or was the Salesman like a plank

" only one name on the appointment, only one name on the appointment "

That's the other train of thought😆

Do you want to try re-typing this? I've read it 3 times and still have no idea what you're trying to say?

GodDammitCecil · 10/09/2023 20:37

HarrietJet · 10/09/2023 20:21

She prefaced it with Mrs. Not Jenny or Mabel or whatever her name is.
I mean op could be in her sixties/seventies, she hasn't said; but it's a strange way for a younger people to introduce themselves.

Show quote history

Exactly - I can’t work out if people are being deliberately obtuse, or just quite dense.

I am giving them benefit of the doubt and assuming the former - this is AIBU after all.

sunglassesonthetable · 10/09/2023 20:50

Do you want to try re-typing this? I've read it 3 times and still have no idea what you're trying to say?

it was apparently

"but it's a lease! "

or it was

" but he made the appointment! "

And then actually it seems it's

OP " sitting like a lump" and not getting up.

Tbh I'd be pissed off being described like that to further someone's argument, but hey it's OPs call.

sunglassesonthetable · 10/09/2023 20:55

What a reach to say she can’t be upset or ‘loses the moral high ground’ by giving her name. Whether it came from her husband or father makes no difference.

That's what I thought. 🤔

You can be pissed off with bad service regardless.

Walkaround · 10/09/2023 20:56

Which bit of shaking her hand, talking with her and her dh together about the car and then saying he will go and get the keys to show them the car is poor service, though?

Walkaround · 10/09/2023 20:58

“He shook my hand and guided us to his desk where we talked for a couple of minutes about the car, then he said he'd get the keys and then show us the vehicle.”

Why is this poor service?

Goldenbear · 10/09/2023 21:42

sunglassesonthetable · 10/09/2023 16:55

Manger to car salesman after Mr&MrsOP have driven off

WTAF?

Salesman

But he made the appointment!

😂

CallumDansTransitVan · 10/09/2023 22:13

sandyhappypeople · 10/09/2023 18:30

It would be interesting to get your opinion on this if you wouldn’t mind?

if you were expecting a customer, previous customer to the garage, and it this meeting was booked under his name, when you approach them in the waiting room and the man stands up to greet you, you obviously shake hands and introduce yourself, if there was a woman sat down next to/behind him, would you offer your hand to her to shake?

Op seems to be annoyed that he didn’t offer his hand or greet her specifically, him and hubby just got caught up chatting about the car straight away.

he spoke to them as equals throughout the rest of the exchange once he knew who she was, she had no complaint about that, it was the few seconds when he came over.

I personally think hubby should have introduced her as he greeted salesman, or she should have stood up at the same time, what do you think?

Show quote history

It does seem to be a bit of a mountain out of a molehill to be fair.

Hubby could of done the introduction, salesman could of maybe been more proactive in including OP. OP, seems to have found fault from very little in the description.

Reading the original post again, if it was me I'd be relieved to have dodged a bullet if I'm honest. Sounds like any post sales issues would be dramatic too.

Incidentally, I have refused to sell cars to people in the past if it appears their expectations are larger than their wallet.

Goldenbear · 10/09/2023 22:25

sunglassesonthetable · 10/09/2023 19:29

We've had

get a hobby
I'm banging on
Am I drunk?

Is this cos I'm disagreeing with you? 😉

I think it is because you are not a conformist Robot and you have dared to have an opinion of your own that has invited the insults!

Hellsbellsandspidersankles · 10/09/2023 22:33

Goldenbear · 10/09/2023 22:25

I think it is because you are not a conformist Robot and you have dared to have an opinion of your own that has invited the insults!

Show quote history

Everyone on the thread has an opinion of their own, don’t be bloody ridiculous.

Goldenbear · 10/09/2023 22:36

GodDammitCecil · 10/09/2023 19:51

Yes, there is if you’re trying to make a point about sexism - and then introduce yourself as Mrs Husband’s Surname.

She’s free to take her husband’s name (I have). She’s even free to refer to herself as Mrs Husband’s Surname, instead of just her own name (beyond pompous IMO, but she’s free to).

Doing it in this scenario loses her every inch of moral high ground.

Get a clue.

Show quote history

What a bizarre way to look at it - the woman has no right to be respected as she has used her married name.

Hellsbellsandspidersankles · 10/09/2023 22:39

That is indeed a bizarre way to look at it, @Goldenbear
Why not read the post properly as it doesn’t say what you’ve just claimed it does?

HarrietJet · 10/09/2023 22:40

Goldenbear · 10/09/2023 22:36

What a bizarre way to look at it - the woman has no right to be respected as she has used her married name.

Show quote history

I think you've completely misunderstood. Again.

Goldenbear · 10/09/2023 22:58

HarrietJet · 10/09/2023 22:40

I think you've completely misunderstood. Again.

Show quote history

That's exactly what is being described, using or not using your Married surname is not a moral absolute in an way whatsoever. The OP can refer to herself however she likes and this should have no bearing on whether the car salesman acknowledged her, what is an absolute is that he was rude in not doing so!

Goldenbear · 10/09/2023 23:10

Hellsbellsandspidersankles · 10/09/2023 22:39

That is indeed a bizarre way to look at it, @Goldenbear
Why not read the post properly as it doesn’t say what you’ve just claimed it does?

I don't need to re-read a really basic argument more than once thanks! Jeez, the, 'my husband is a feminist' brigade, arguing for all these Edwardian introductions of women by their husbands, need to understand that they didn't invent the concept of inequality. I don't agree with you- get over it! I certainly don't want my husband introducing me in person thanks and it doesn't panic me if he forgets to use both our names for booking an appointment where I will come along.

Hellsbellsandspidersankles · 10/09/2023 23:16

Goldenbear · 10/09/2023 23:10

I don't need to re-read a really basic argument more than once thanks! Jeez, the, 'my husband is a feminist' brigade, arguing for all these Edwardian introductions of women by their husbands, need to understand that they didn't invent the concept of inequality. I don't agree with you- get over it! I certainly don't want my husband introducing me in person thanks and it doesn't panic me if he forgets to use both our names for booking an appointment where I will come along.

Show quote history

I don't need to re-read a really basic argument more than once thanks!
Oh, you really do 😂
Because you’re still not getting it.