To have walked out the car dealership after this blatant rudeness, perhaps sexism?

[Sorentolove]

DH and I went to upgrade our shared family car (I drive it 80% of the time) at the local dealership.

The car was purchased 4 years ago at another (same brand) dealership and we're coming to the end of the Lease.

It was purchased under his name, this one will be purchased under my name.

The appointment was made in his name.

We arrived slightly ahead of time and we're greeted pleasantly, offered coffees and waited for the staff member. Another pleasant staff member passed by and had a brief chat with us both.

Our fellow came up to us at the wait area introduced himself to my DH, shook his hand, and started talking about the car we'd expressed an interest in.

Rather taken aback at being ignored, I stood up, offered my hand and introduced myself as Mrs SLove.

He shook my hand and guided us to his desk where we talked for a couple of minutes about the car, then he said he'd get the keys and then show us the vehicle.

DH and I looked at each other and we saw we were on the same page that this branch did not deserve our money and we decided to leave.

I caught the manager's eye on the way out and explained our disappointment.

He was furious and tried to convince us to stay, even stopping us as we were driving off the car park. We were resolute though, and they lost a sale.

Wwbu?

I have never booked an appointment for my dh in my name and have never booked an appointment intended for both of us in only my name. Why would Why not make it clear who the appointment is for? And why should I assume my assumptions are more reasonable then someone else’s? If someone makes a mistake about the number of people attending an appointment because I only mentioned one of us, I don’t automatically blame them for the assumption. If, on the other hand, they continue to behave as though only one of us is supposed to be there, then I take offence.

Because the whole debacle hinges on her dh making the appointment in his own name, and failing to introduce (or even acknowledge) his wife when shaking hands with the salesman.

Have you asked the OP "why he made the appointment and not her?".
If this is so important.

Making the Dealership appointment would literally be filed as inconsequential admin in my house. There would be no making sure everyone was itemised and written down ( unless specifically asked ).

Because the whole debacle hinges on her dh making the appointment in his own name, and failing to introduce (or even acknowledge) his wife when shaking hands with the salesman.m

Don't think it does hinge on that.

I think it hinges on a useless salesperson.

Only one name on the appointments screen. Can't compute.
Can't compute.

No salesman worth their salt wouldn't have greeted both members of a family.

Why he made the appointment and not her? Now that is sexist too.
Why should the OP have made the appointment? Why is it up to the woman to do the “inconsequential admin” in your home?

Why he made the appointment and not her? Now that is sexist too.
Why should the OP have made the appointment? Why is it up to the woman to do the “inconsequential admin” in your home

Omg. We share the inconsequential admin. Which is my point.

We consider it inconsequential.

We're both going to see the car but who picks up the phone to make the appointment is neither here nor there within our partnership.

Why should the OP have made the appointment?

🤦‍♀️
Literally don't care.

Why is it up to the woman to do the “inconsequential admin” in your home?

I don't. 🤦‍♀️

Taking assumptions of sexism out of it, some people assume no car salesroom ever has more than one person waiting in its waiting room unless they are a couple and that the salesperson should have noticed body language going on between the OP and her partner to demonstrate they were together. Other people think that if you have booked an appointment in only one name, mistakes about the number of people expecting to join the meeting can happen.

Manger to car salesman after Mr&MrsOP have driven off

WTAF?

Salesman

But he made the appointment!

At a dealer in Gatwick I was selling my deceased relative's car. I made the appointment, I introduced myself (Ms), I explained the situation, I said the price I was looking for. He only looked and talked to DP. DP kept deflecting the questions to me but it didn't make any difference! It was only when he went to make the cheque out in what he thought was DP's name I said it's MY car, I'd like the cheque in MY name and we had a little chat on how to talk to women in future. I like to think it made a difference but probably not!

Same here, which is why I am wondering why you think OP should have made the appointment?

Making the Dealership appointment would literally be filed as inconsequential admin in my house. There would be no making sure everyone was itemised and written down ( unless specifically asked ).

I don’t get this either. What’s so hard about making sure you’ve itemised all TWO attendees to an appointment? Why is it not sexist if the only name given is the one starting with Mr?

I don't.

It came from what HarrietJet was saying.

the OP has really gone out of their way to find offence and take it.

That wasn’t what she was saying though. Saying Because the whole debacle hinges on her dh making the appointment in his own name, and failing to introduce (or even acknowledge) his wife when shaking hands with the salesman doesn’t mean Harriet thinks the woman should have made the appointment. There is no hint of that.

You introduced both the idea that the woman should have made the appointment and that it was inconsequential admin.

I don’t get this either. What’s so hard about making sure you’ve itemised all TWO attendees to an appointment? Why is it not sexist if the only name given is the one starting with Mr?

It's not hard. Just not particularly relevant .
Depends on what it's for. And if it is relevant - they will ask.

I'm viewing houses with my son at the mo. He rings up and makes the appointment in his name and I go along with it. That's it. He doesn't tell them on the phone.

Who says the only name given is the Mr one. Literally no idea where you've plucked that from.

What I actually said was op's dh made the appointment for op, and made it in his own name; which contributed to the salesman thinking the appointment was for him.
Would he have done the same if he'd been making a dental appointment for her? Of course not, because of the inevitable (and needless) confusion that would ensue

You introduced both the idea that the woman should have made the appointment and that it was inconsequential admin.

You have misunderstood @MoxieFox .

I don't think it matters who made the appointment.

I consider it inconsequential admin.

I don't think the woman should have made the appointment.

I think the who made the appointment is a total red herring to hang poor service on.

Who says the only name given is the Mr one. Literally no idea where you've plucked that from
Well, op says this. She literally says the appointment was made in his name.
Nobody plucked it from the ether.

It’s fine you don’t see the sexism in it and how it can mislead sales professionals.

I’ve “plucked” it from the OP- that’s the circumstance we are discussing is it not?

It’s fine you don’t see the sexism in it and how it can mislead sales professionals.

All these poor " misled sales professionals"

It is literally their job to read the room, and respond to what's in front of them.

2 people turn up and theres one name in the diary.

Shock.

I'm sorry that's nuts.

Yes it is their job to respond to what is in front of them.
There is one name in the diary, that is the DH’s name.
The salesman goes up and introduces himself to DH as that’s who the appointment is with.
The DH did not introduce his wife or acknowledge her presence when the salesman introduced himself to the DH.
The salesman read the room.
The DH should have done the introductions since he brought the surprise +1 to the appointment. That is the etiquette.
There then followed awkwardness of OP having to introduce herself.

Not sure it is as much sexism as a shit salesman. I've been in vehicle sales for around 25 Years and I learned long ago to include both parties in a couple in the discussion. Anyone making the second biggest purchase they make in life will discuss it.

I've now got a number of returnng customers because of the approach of treating men and women as equals and not going down the pushy salesman routine. The customer may not buy that day, but next week you may have the very car they want, and they remember if they are treated decently and will also tell their friends.

Lesson some people need to learn: admin is never inconsequential 🤣.

The salesman read the room.

Don't think he did. He failed miserably.

He wanted to make a sale and OP wanted a car.