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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have walked out the car dealership after this blatant rudeness, perhaps sexism?

719 replies

Sorentolove · 09/09/2023 23:05

DH and I went to upgrade our shared family car (I drive it 80% of the time) at the local dealership.

The car was purchased 4 years ago at another (same brand) dealership and we're coming to the end of the Lease.

It was purchased under his name, this one will be purchased under my name.

The appointment was made in his name.

We arrived slightly ahead of time and we're greeted pleasantly, offered coffees and waited for the staff member. Another pleasant staff member passed by and had a brief chat with us both.

Our fellow came up to us at the wait area introduced himself to my DH, shook his hand, and started talking about the car we'd expressed an interest in.

Rather taken aback at being ignored, I stood up, offered my hand and introduced myself as Mrs SLove.

He shook my hand and guided us to his desk where we talked for a couple of minutes about the car, then he said he'd get the keys and then show us the vehicle.

DH and I looked at each other and we saw we were on the same page that this branch did not deserve our money and we decided to leave.

I caught the manager's eye on the way out and explained our disappointment.

He was furious and tried to convince us to stay, even stopping us as we were driving off the car park. We were resolute though, and they lost a sale.

Wwbu?

OP posts:
Ladyofthelake53 · 10/09/2023 15:38

FFS 🙄

MoxieFox · 10/09/2023 15:40

Goldenbear · 10/09/2023 15:35

Again, where do people come up with this stuff! You think if her DH is sexist she doesn't know about it!

Show quote history

Her DH did sexist things. There’s no two ways about it.

He made the appointment in only his name so the dealership then naturally expected he was the paying customer. He neglected to include his wife when he made the appointment. That’s sexist.

They show up, and as she’s the surprise +1 that he’s brought to the appointment, it is his role to introduce his wife and also to inform them that she is the paying customer. He failed to do this. That’s sexist.

HarrietJet · 10/09/2023 15:42

MoxieFox · 10/09/2023 15:40

Her DH did sexist things. There’s no two ways about it.

He made the appointment in only his name so the dealership then naturally expected he was the paying customer. He neglected to include his wife when he made the appointment. That’s sexist.

They show up, and as she’s the surprise +1 that he’s brought to the appointment, it is his role to introduce his wife and also to inform them that she is the paying customer. He failed to do this. That’s sexist.

Show quote history

Yes. This, in a nutshell.

sunglassesonthetable · 10/09/2023 15:44

The sexism is in the presumption. From the salesperson.

MoxieFox · 10/09/2023 15:48

sunglassesonthetable · 10/09/2023 15:44

The sexism is in the presumption. From the salesperson.

If it had been a presumption you mean. It wasn’t in this case.
The sales rep was acting on the information given to him by the DH every step of the way. The DH erased his wife when he made the appointment. The DH then ignored his wife and neglected to introduce her to the sale rep when he came over. That’s pretty clear signal that the woman by my side is of no import, I, the man, am the customer as the appointment booking I made told you.

sunglassesonthetable · 10/09/2023 15:50

I wonder if it is really, you know, a surprise if more than one person turns up to an appointment they made in a Car Dealership.

@MoxieFox

I bet it's pretty routine.

Or maybe they do ask

"Can I have the names of everyone who will be attending this appointment ? "

😆

sunglassesonthetable · 10/09/2023 15:52

Honestly getting so far fetched now.

gogomoto · 10/09/2023 15:53

The problem is that they didn't know who you were, if someone called me mrs (dps name) that would be incorrect and some my take offence at that. As the appointment was with your husband I'm not sure he did anything wrong really though personally I would expect to be offered a handshake or perhaps just a smile acknowledgment (in some cultures they would be offended by offering a handshake to a woman, your really can't win sometimes!)

MoxieFox · 10/09/2023 15:55

sunglassesonthetable · 10/09/2023 15:50

I wonder if it is really, you know, a surprise if more than one person turns up to an appointment they made in a Car Dealership.

@MoxieFox

I bet it's pretty routine.

Or maybe they do ask

"Can I have the names of everyone who will be attending this appointment ? "

😆

When I book an appointment to buy a car, I always book it in both mine and my DH’s names. Whether online, email or over the phone. It’s not hard to remember I am married and decisions are joint.

The same with estate agents for house buying.

Most couples I know do this. If one of you is booking an appointment, you let them know if it’s for both you and your spouse/partner to attend. That is if you’re not a sexist.

Otherwise how are the sales people to know if you are a couple both buying something and not just a single customer with a friend coming along to give an opinion?

Goldenbear · 10/09/2023 15:56

MoxieFox · 10/09/2023 15:40

Her DH did sexist things. There’s no two ways about it.

He made the appointment in only his name so the dealership then naturally expected he was the paying customer. He neglected to include his wife when he made the appointment. That’s sexist.

They show up, and as she’s the surprise +1 that he’s brought to the appointment, it is his role to introduce his wife and also to inform them that she is the paying customer. He failed to do this. That’s sexist.

Show quote history

No it's not it is circumstantial, he booked the appointment, didn't think about it, are you saying that every time you book things or pay for things as an individual in a partnership, you have to acknowledge the other's financial equality? E.g a restaurant meal, your DH pays and he is supposed to tell the waiter/waitress, "my wife's income has equally contributed to this meal?" They would probably give you a funny look. Besides, regardless of the DH's outlook, the car salesman is still guilty of sexism. It doesn't give the salesman a licence to behave in a sexist way even if he thought that was the observation of the husband.

sunglassesonthetable · 10/09/2023 15:58

I'm thinking of these salespeople who can't adapt to two people turning up.

" But I've only been given one name! "

" But who IS this other person lurking nearby! ?"

Computer says no!

sunglassesonthetable · 10/09/2023 16:01

When I book an appointment to buy a car, I always book it in both mine and my DH’s names. Whether online, email or over the phone. It’s not hard to remember I am married and decisions are joint.

Excellent.

But I don't think that's a universal thing. By a long chalk.

"What's the name please?

"Mr Sunglasses ..."

Nah Not sexist in my book.

sunglassesonthetable · 10/09/2023 16:02

Well done remembering you're married.

MoxieFox · 10/09/2023 16:03

Goldenbear · 10/09/2023 15:56

No it's not it is circumstantial, he booked the appointment, didn't think about it, are you saying that every time you book things or pay for things as an individual in a partnership, you have to acknowledge the other's financial equality? E.g a restaurant meal, your DH pays and he is supposed to tell the waiter/waitress, "my wife's income has equally contributed to this meal?" They would probably give you a funny look. Besides, regardless of the DH's outlook, the car salesman is still guilty of sexism. It doesn't give the salesman a licence to behave in a sexist way even if he thought that was the observation of the husband.

Show quote history

Well, ok, if the DH didn’t think about it when he booked the appointment that simply means he was unintentionally sexist. Happens all the time.

You’re not seriously comparing the purchase of a car to paying for a meal in a restaurant?

I don’t agree the sales man was being sexist. He was going off the sexist actions of the DH which all shouted that DH was the one and only paying customer at the appointment.

sunglassesonthetable · 10/09/2023 16:04

Personally don't think there is a strong case for actual sexism here.

But do think it's rude and sloppy.

MoxieFox · 10/09/2023 16:05

sunglassesonthetable · 10/09/2023 16:01

When I book an appointment to buy a car, I always book it in both mine and my DH’s names. Whether online, email or over the phone. It’s not hard to remember I am married and decisions are joint.

Excellent.

But I don't think that's a universal thing. By a long chalk.

"What's the name please?

"Mr Sunglasses ..."

Nah Not sexist in my book.

It is sexist in my book when making an appointment for both you and your wife to erase her and not even mention her as another human being that is going to be present at the meeting.

MoxieFox · 10/09/2023 16:08

My DH would never do it. I don’t even have his surname. So he makes sure to tell them “the appointment is for myself and my wife…Mr X and Mrs Y…we are looking to buy a new car/house” (major purchase…not ordering Dominos).

crackfoxy · 10/09/2023 16:09

laurenlodge · 09/09/2023 23:14

Yes, the salesman would have defaulted to Mr/Mrs out of politeness. You however had the chance to introduce yourself and - instead of going for your first name - opted to introduce yourself by reference to your husband. Like I said - difficult to take the moral high ground on feminism in those circumstances.

This! Hi I'm Louise or whatever! Fgs! Why?!

Walkaround · 10/09/2023 16:10

Goldenbear · 10/09/2023 15:33

Yes because car dealerships are well known to be heaving seen as most people have excess cash to impulsively purchase a car on a whim! 🤔second hand car dealerships are even worse for the ghost town vibes, usually someone comes from out of nowhere wanting the sale. Never ever seen this A&E packed car dealerships, at the weekend, in the south or the north in my whole entire life of buying cars, hysterically fictional to fit your argument really isn't it!

Show quote history

I buy a second hand car approximately once every 8 years or so, from dealers who also sell new cars (people tend to trade their old ones in for the new) and have never been the only person in the showroom talking to someone.

sunglassesonthetable · 10/09/2023 16:10

It is sexist in my book when making an appointment for both you and your wife to erase her and not even mention her as another human being that is going to be present at the meeting.

I'd just call it admin in this instance.

And likewise I'd do the same if I was making the appointment.

And the same when I went for house viewings.

We'll have to agree to differ that it's a sexist thing to do.

HarrietJet · 10/09/2023 16:11

sunglassesonthetable · 10/09/2023 16:10

It is sexist in my book when making an appointment for both you and your wife to erase her and not even mention her as another human being that is going to be present at the meeting.

I'd just call it admin in this instance.

And likewise I'd do the same if I was making the appointment.

And the same when I went for house viewings.

We'll have to agree to differ that it's a sexist thing to do.

Admin? Why does op need her dh to do her admin?

sunglassesonthetable · 10/09/2023 16:11

When we did wills we discussed who would be there. I wasn't "erased" then.

sunglassesonthetable · 10/09/2023 16:13

Admin? Why does op need her dh to do her admin?

God knows.

"Can you make the car viewing appt, got to rush out"

"Sure "

Something dramatic like that.

sunglassesonthetable · 10/09/2023 16:14

@HarrietJet

Do you ever do stuff like that for a partner?
Why is this question even part of the discussion?

HarrietJet · 10/09/2023 16:16

sunglassesonthetable · 10/09/2023 16:14

@HarrietJet

Do you ever do stuff like that for a partner?
Why is this question even part of the discussion?

Because the whole debacle hinges on her dh making the appointment in his own name, and failing to introduce (or even acknowledge) his wife when shaking hands with the salesman.