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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have walked out the car dealership after this blatant rudeness, perhaps sexism?

719 replies

Sorentolove · 09/09/2023 23:05

DH and I went to upgrade our shared family car (I drive it 80% of the time) at the local dealership.

The car was purchased 4 years ago at another (same brand) dealership and we're coming to the end of the Lease.

It was purchased under his name, this one will be purchased under my name.

The appointment was made in his name.

We arrived slightly ahead of time and we're greeted pleasantly, offered coffees and waited for the staff member. Another pleasant staff member passed by and had a brief chat with us both.

Our fellow came up to us at the wait area introduced himself to my DH, shook his hand, and started talking about the car we'd expressed an interest in.

Rather taken aback at being ignored, I stood up, offered my hand and introduced myself as Mrs SLove.

He shook my hand and guided us to his desk where we talked for a couple of minutes about the car, then he said he'd get the keys and then show us the vehicle.

DH and I looked at each other and we saw we were on the same page that this branch did not deserve our money and we decided to leave.

I caught the manager's eye on the way out and explained our disappointment.

He was furious and tried to convince us to stay, even stopping us as we were driving off the car park. We were resolute though, and they lost a sale.

Wwbu?

OP posts:
sunglassesonthetable · 10/09/2023 14:39

Tbh it reads more like she felt that she could have a hissy fit as she was spending a lot of money. I have seen this before from people who basically expect those serving them to be servile or incredibly over the top polite. If they feel in any way that they are not getting top service they will announce loudly that they are taking their business elsewhere.

Yep hissy fit, demanding servility...Woman's customer at fault of course. 😂

Not salesman of course.

Walkaround · 10/09/2023 14:45

sunglassesonthetable · 10/09/2023 14:39

Tbh it reads more like she felt that she could have a hissy fit as she was spending a lot of money. I have seen this before from people who basically expect those serving them to be servile or incredibly over the top polite. If they feel in any way that they are not getting top service they will announce loudly that they are taking their business elsewhere.

Yep hissy fit, demanding servility...Woman's customer at fault of course. 😂

Not salesman of course.

Yes, we must all prove who has the biggest bollocks. 😉 Nothing like outmanning the men.

sunglassesonthetable · 10/09/2023 15:00

Yes, we must all prove who has the biggest bollocks. 😉 Nothing like outmanning the men.

Is it about "proving who has the biggest bollocks " ? 🙄

Or expecting common acknowledgement.

sunglassesonthetable · 10/09/2023 15:01

That's not what happened here though
Salesman dealt with the customer whose name he had

More fool him. He has a lot to learn.

HarrietJet · 10/09/2023 15:03

You're like a bloody dog with a bone, @sunglassesonthetable
As usual...

sunglassesonthetable · 10/09/2023 15:04

@HarrietJet

😄😉👍🏻

Walkaround · 10/09/2023 15:07

@sunglassesonthetable - I do not expect a salesman to assume that I am there with someone else to see him, just because I am sitting next to a man in the waiting area. So no, it is not just “common acknowledgement” to assume the woman must have turned up with the man.

HarrietJet · 10/09/2023 15:09

sunglassesonthetable · 10/09/2023 15:04

@HarrietJet

😄😉👍🏻

Get a hobby 😬

sunglassesonthetable · 10/09/2023 15:11
  • I do not expect a salesman to assume that I am there with someone else to see him, just because I am sitting next to a man in the waiting area. So no, it is not just “common acknowledgement” to assume the woman must have turned up with the man.

Crack on . That's your boundary

I expect someone to be more personable and friendly. Like the OP. 🤷‍♀️.

Ultimately it's the salesman look out. He loses a nice sale. Bet he won't do it again.

And it's nothing to do with being 'servile'.

sunglassesonthetable · 10/09/2023 15:13

Get a hobby 😬

Got loads thanks. Get over yourself telling random strangers what to do on the strength of MN . 🙄

greatly80 · 10/09/2023 15:17

LordEmsworth · 10/09/2023 10:09

How on earth will they know he's your husband, just the same as how would the salesman have known you were DH's wife? DH bought the last car, the appt was booked in DH's name, DH didn't bother introducing you when the salesman introduced himself - what was the salesman meant to do? You may not have been DH's wife, you could have been his sister, his carer or even a very weird acquaintance that DH was too polite to stop following him into a dealership!!!

I mean... really? If you bumped into someone you knew on the street, who was with a second person you didn't know, then you would completely blank the second person in case they were "a weird acquaintance" who was just tagging along? You wouldn't smile and nod, or say hi - just blank them? Because I think you might possibly have slightly more social skills than that, actually...

I would strongly hope the person I bumped into had the most basic of social skills to introduce me to the person they are with. If they didn't I would use the social skills I have to 'read the room' and take it as understood they didn't want me to know who the other person was (could be someone just tagging along or something much more sensitive, such as their support worker, I'm not to know).

The DH in this case either is severely lacking in basic social skills not even to be able to grunt out "oh and this is my wife X who wants to get the car" or forgot and accidentally made a faux pas. Neither of which is the salesman's fault.

The OP has not "stuck it to the man" in this case, but has taken out a failing by her DH on a random salesman and had a hissy fit because of it. If the salesman was actually chauvinistic at heart his opinion of women buying cars is hardly likely to have improved now!

Walkaround · 10/09/2023 15:20

sunglassesonthetable · 10/09/2023 15:11

  • I do not expect a salesman to assume that I am there with someone else to see him, just because I am sitting next to a man in the waiting area. So no, it is not just “common acknowledgement” to assume the woman must have turned up with the man.

Crack on . That's your boundary

I expect someone to be more personable and friendly. Like the OP. 🤷‍♀️.

Ultimately it's the salesman look out. He loses a nice sale. Bet he won't do it again.

And it's nothing to do with being 'servile'.

I don’t think the OP was personable and friendly. 🤷Maybe you only expect that to go one way? If just a question of salesmanship, then yes, he could have been a better salesman, but I don’t normally take offence at people and storm out just because they could be a bit better at their job.

Yetanothernewname101 · 10/09/2023 15:21

Hugely rude that they didn't greet both of you in the same manner.
Enjoy your new car when it arrives :-)

Goldenbear · 10/09/2023 15:22

Walkaround · 10/09/2023 15:07

@sunglassesonthetable - I do not expect a salesman to assume that I am there with someone else to see him, just because I am sitting next to a man in the waiting area. So no, it is not just “common acknowledgement” to assume the woman must have turned up with the man.

This is so far fetched, we are talking about a car dealership waiting room not A&E, they are usually empty and besides body language would probably, almost definitely suggest they were together.

MoxieFox · 10/09/2023 15:22

If you think that’s sexism at a car dealership, I have a story to tell you!

I think you are being unreasonable.
DH leased the last car
DH made this appointment
DH made the appointment only in his name (shame, why didn’t he include you?)

So the sales rep rightly thought your DH is the customer here because those were the signals your DH gave off.

If anyone was sexist, it was your DH. He didn’t make the appointment in your name or both your names- making it look like he’s the man with the money.

As far as etiquette goes, your DH should have introduced you and explained to the sales rep that he made the appointment on your behalf because you would be buying or leasing the car this time around. Your DH did not clue in the sales rep because that would cause him to lose face and masculinity to admit his wife is paying for the family car.

Plantsarelife · 10/09/2023 15:24

You are being unreasonable and over sensitive

Walkaround · 10/09/2023 15:25

Goldenbear · 10/09/2023 15:22

This is so far fetched, we are talking about a car dealership waiting room not A&E, they are usually empty and besides body language would probably, almost definitely suggest they were together.

Show quote history

So far fetched that there should ever be more than one appointment taking place in a car showroom at the same time? 🤣I have clearly only ever been to busy car showrooms (maybe because I buy second hand, not at inflated prices?).

sunglassesonthetable · 10/09/2023 15:25

I don’t think the OP was personable and friendly. 🤷Maybe you only expect that to go one way? If just a question of salesmanship, then yes, he could have been a better salesman, but I don’t normally take offence at people and storm out just because they could be a bit better at their job.

Fine. Thats you .

But like OP I wouldn't spend loads of money where I didn't feel comfortable.

Goldenbear · 10/09/2023 15:26

MoxieFox · 10/09/2023 15:22

If you think that’s sexism at a car dealership, I have a story to tell you!

I think you are being unreasonable.
DH leased the last car
DH made this appointment
DH made the appointment only in his name (shame, why didn’t he include you?)

So the sales rep rightly thought your DH is the customer here because those were the signals your DH gave off.

If anyone was sexist, it was your DH. He didn’t make the appointment in your name or both your names- making it look like he’s the man with the money.

As far as etiquette goes, your DH should have introduced you and explained to the sales rep that he made the appointment on your behalf because you would be buying or leasing the car this time around. Your DH did not clue in the sales rep because that would cause him to lose face and masculinity to admit his wife is paying for the family car.

If that was the case why did the DH walk out with her I agreement- quite a bold move for someone over sexism if they are in fact a massive great sexist!

BG2015 · 10/09/2023 15:27

I would have thought it was common courtesy to acknowledge both adults and not ignore either of them.

MoxieFox · 10/09/2023 15:29

Goldenbear · 10/09/2023 15:26

If that was the case why did the DH walk out with her I agreement- quite a bold move for someone over sexism if they are in fact a massive great sexist!

Show quote history

Because it’s lovely to be a sexist and then have a scape goat be blamed for it.

Goldenbear · 10/09/2023 15:33

Walkaround · 10/09/2023 15:25

So far fetched that there should ever be more than one appointment taking place in a car showroom at the same time? 🤣I have clearly only ever been to busy car showrooms (maybe because I buy second hand, not at inflated prices?).

Show quote history

Yes because car dealerships are well known to be heaving seen as most people have excess cash to impulsively purchase a car on a whim! 🤔second hand car dealerships are even worse for the ghost town vibes, usually someone comes from out of nowhere wanting the sale. Never ever seen this A&E packed car dealerships, at the weekend, in the south or the north in my whole entire life of buying cars, hysterically fictional to fit your argument really isn't it!

sunglassesonthetable · 10/09/2023 15:33

Because it’s lovely to be a sexist and then have a scape goat be blamed for it.

How "lovely" ?😆

Goldenbear · 10/09/2023 15:35

MoxieFox · 10/09/2023 15:29

Because it’s lovely to be a sexist and then have a scape goat be blamed for it.

Show quote history

Again, where do people come up with this stuff! You think if her DH is sexist she doesn't know about it!

MoxieFox · 10/09/2023 15:37

sunglassesonthetable · 10/09/2023 15:33

Because it’s lovely to be a sexist and then have a scape goat be blamed for it.

How "lovely" ?😆

Really lovely for him (the DH), because he has got away with it.