To have walked out the car dealership after this blatant rudeness, perhaps sexism?

[Sorentolove]

DH and I went to upgrade our shared family car (I drive it 80% of the time) at the local dealership.

The car was purchased 4 years ago at another (same brand) dealership and we're coming to the end of the Lease.

It was purchased under his name, this one will be purchased under my name.

The appointment was made in his name.

We arrived slightly ahead of time and we're greeted pleasantly, offered coffees and waited for the staff member. Another pleasant staff member passed by and had a brief chat with us both.

Our fellow came up to us at the wait area introduced himself to my DH, shook his hand, and started talking about the car we'd expressed an interest in.

Rather taken aback at being ignored, I stood up, offered my hand and introduced myself as Mrs SLove.

He shook my hand and guided us to his desk where we talked for a couple of minutes about the car, then he said he'd get the keys and then show us the vehicle.

DH and I looked at each other and we saw we were on the same page that this branch did not deserve our money and we decided to leave.

I caught the manager's eye on the way out and explained our disappointment.

He was furious and tried to convince us to stay, even stopping us as we were driving off the car park. We were resolute though, and they lost a sale.

Wwbu?

The husband was the customer not the op

The husband was the customer not the op

Err turns out that was just a presumption doesn't it.

Just Because OH had made the appointment. Bad move. You know what presumption does.

And it made an ass out of this salesman who lost a nice juicy sale.

No, it wasn't a presumption. The appointment was booked in his name.
Unless op has additional needs and can't go about her life independently, this was a strange thing to do and then get pissy about.

So you think it's a good Sales person that ignores the wife/husband/partner with a big ticket item like a car. You think there is going to be no influence from the other and they will make a unilateral decision about a big purchase that is likely to be from the family pot of money. If you have a partner that you have a joint life with do they decide things like this without your input so you have no opinion or no say on holidays, on cars on houses! Seems a bit far fetched a notion and probably not how the average sales person thinks. I don't know for sure but someone who does work in that area, in a car dealership is on this thread and they are describing how short sighted that would be!

Well, no, it was a fact so far as the salesman was concerned. If an appointment is made in the name of Mr Jones and Mr Jones turns up, it would be positively eccentric to decide that some woman who turns up with him is really the customer.

Good thing to have done, OP. He won't do it again so you made a difference.

But ince the salesman was made aware the woman in the waiting room was part of the appointment and not there for another meeting altogether, there is absolutely nothing whatsoever in the OP to suggest she was ignored in any way - he shook her hand, took them both over to his desk, spoke to them both about the car and was about to get the keys to show them both the car. If he continued to ignore the OP, she should say that, not actually say the opposite.

This is what the OP actually said: “He shook my hand and guided us to his desk where we talked for a couple of minutes about the car, then he said he'd get the keys and then show us the vehicle.” I do not see anything wrong in this behaviour.

Well, no, it was a fact so far as the salesman was concerned. If an appointment is made in the name of Mr Jones and Mr Jones turns up, it would be positively eccentric to decide that some woman who turns up with him is really the customer.

. Or positively foolish to decide that they are not both the customer.

As it was. 😂

" oh I only go with what reception has written down....."

I do not see anything wrong in this behaviour.

Your choice of course. You would have spent your £ there.

His presumption was not good enough for OP. I would have felt the same. He narrows his sales opportunities.

He's the one trying to make the sale. Hiss loss.

But probably a lesson learnt.

His presumption was not good enough for OP.

Exactly, some people are more uppity than others, just a fact of life

If it was an honest mistake which it seems to be, then the sales guy has probably been hauled over the coals over nothing, they didn't even give him a chance to apologise for the misunderstanding, they just flounced out.

*Exactly, some people are more uppity than others, just a fact of life

If it was an honest mistake which it seems to be, then the sales guy has probably been hauled over the coals over nothing, they didn't even give him a chance to apologise for the misunderstanding, they just flounced out.*

I don't call it uppity personally. I hate poor service. So often people expecting your money forget they're not doing you a favour.

Don't forget how much of our hard earned money goes into cars.

I'd expect to be acknowledged in this situation.

It's his job. He didn't do it very well.

Just poor on the salesman's part imo.

Then you will have answered your query in your opening post…that they are rude, but not necessarily sexist.

This happens so often you know when people are being sexist

happened when I was buying/selling my flat my friend came with me just to have a look estate agent addressed him much of the time and as for building management/electricians etc 🙄 the nonsense they have told me thankfully being older I don’t get the sometimes creepy never funny jokey comments anymore

I’m quite willing to bet even if appointment was in your name you would be patronised as you have needed you husband there with you

So you stormed out because the guy didn't great you and shake your hand. That's it... You are hard work.

Car salesmen can be sexist. I normally want a good second hand car and don't have the luxury of only dealing with salesmen I like, so I have sucked up much worse than that.
I didn't really find this one to be very obvious - he had no idea who your were as the appointment was made in your DH name. For all he knew, you could have been the knowledgeable friend just along to advise.
If you have a choice of dealerships looking for your custom, then it's fine to walk away for any reason at all - with the other dealership, did you stick to the form of making the appointment in DH name or did you do it yourself?

Same.

Most answer “didn’t really think about it”.

So you stormed out because the guy didn't great you and shake your hand. That's it... You are hard work.

Hmm, you know it was a bit more than that.

It wasn't a social event. He wanted her business.

I'm afraid any work traditionally done by women is largely still seen as less value. We only need to look at the differences in pay for the traditional male and female jobs on online job boards and examples such as Supreme court rules against Asda in workers' equal pay case | Asda | The Guardian (Asda is owned by two males & chairman is male, BTW). And we of course have a huge problem with the gender pay gap, such as HSBC reports 45.2% mean gender pay gap - Employee Benefits, so even if women are in the same industry, they don't tend to reach the top jobs in any great number.

The male hierarchy is, I think, like a cult - we have all been brainwashed (women and men), and it takes a lot of de-programming to see it, though can we ever be really free of it? It's interesting to see the internalised misogyny in these types of threads and how entrenched it is. That isn't a criticism of anyone, it's part of our programming, so it's natural that we are not always aware of it, and I include myself in that.

The OP challenged the sales person because she can recognise and call out misogyny, but many cannot. It takes a confident woman to call out the little acts of everyday sexism.

I don't call it uppity personally. I hate poor service.

But how do you KNOW it was poor service? That's my point, once he realised who she was and that she was with DH he led them both over to the desk, spoke to them both about the car, and there wasn't a sniff that he was treating her differently?

He just failed to offer his hand to her, but she remained sitting down while they were both stood up making introductions so I would imagine that to be the reason personally, not a snub, just an etiquette thing, not everyone likes to shake hands anyway nowadays, so you have to bear that in mind before you offer yours, and some people will express that through body language and lack of eye contact, you have to read people subtle cues and you can easily get it wrong, it doesn't mean you're a rude sexist pig though.

from a quick google search:
It is impolite to offer a hand while sitting down as it is also improper to try and shake the hands of someone already seated. The act of shaking someone's hands started as a peaceful greeting to mean peace and show the other person you are unarmed.
---
Do you have to stand up when shaking hands?
During a handshake, people should face each other so make sure you stand up if you are seated.
--
You never want to shake hands while sitting. Because shaking hands is the only acceptable form of touch between people who aren't intimate, you want to be at your best when shaking hands, and part of that includes standing.
--

I think the OP has blown it out of all proportion personally.

Lots of the posters on here clearly don't earn their living selling things.

I think a basic is to acknowledge and greet all potential customers if you want their cash. You have no idea who " the decision maker " is.

If this was a training session you could ask -
what could this sales person do better? To help a sale.

I think most people here could answer it.

'He wanted her business'. Tbh it reads more like she felt that she could have a hissy fit as she was spending a lot of money. I have seen this before from people who basically expect those serving them to be servile or incredibly over the top polite. If they feel in any way that they are not getting top service they will announce loudly that they are taking their business elsewhere.

I've had this before the appointment was made in my name and my husband was with me. I was ignored thought out and I told him he'd just lost a sale as I was ignored and it was my hard earned money that buying the car . Should of seen his face when we walked out

That's not what happened here though
Salesman dealt with the customer whose name he had