To have walked out the car dealership after this blatant rudeness, perhaps sexism?

[Sorentolove]

DH and I went to upgrade our shared family car (I drive it 80% of the time) at the local dealership.

The car was purchased 4 years ago at another (same brand) dealership and we're coming to the end of the Lease.

It was purchased under his name, this one will be purchased under my name.

The appointment was made in his name.

We arrived slightly ahead of time and we're greeted pleasantly, offered coffees and waited for the staff member. Another pleasant staff member passed by and had a brief chat with us both.

Our fellow came up to us at the wait area introduced himself to my DH, shook his hand, and started talking about the car we'd expressed an interest in.

Rather taken aback at being ignored, I stood up, offered my hand and introduced myself as Mrs SLove.

He shook my hand and guided us to his desk where we talked for a couple of minutes about the car, then he said he'd get the keys and then show us the vehicle.

DH and I looked at each other and we saw we were on the same page that this branch did not deserve our money and we decided to leave.

I caught the manager's eye on the way out and explained our disappointment.

He was furious and tried to convince us to stay, even stopping us as we were driving off the car park. We were resolute though, and they lost a sale.

Wwbu?

I think you’re being a bit unreasonable in not explaining the situation as the appointment was made in one name only - your DHs. The salesman acknowledged your presence and shook hands with you so wasn’t dismissive in any way. But he would have records indicating DH financed the previous lease and if he was not made aware that you were financing this time around then it’s not unreasonable that he would address his conversation to DH.

Having said that I recently had some building work done ant home and after placing the order I received the contract which was in the names of Mr and Mrs Rosscameasdoody with spaces for both parties to sign. This was despite no mention of a Mr Rosscameasdoody throughout the entire process (I’m widowed) and confirming that I am the sole owner of the house during the order process.

There are still some sexist assumptions being made out there, but not in your case, and you could easily have explained rather than walking out.

Some absolutely ludicrous posts on this thread. Of course you're not being unreasonable to be annoyed @Sorentolove , and there's absolutely nothing wrong with introducing yourself as MRS when you're married for goodness sake!

The appointment may have been in your husband's name, but you were still both there. You were clearly together, and it should have been assumed you are a couple. It was IGNORANT of him to have only spoken to your husband. Yes, you should have told him that at the time, but the people having a go at you, are forgetting that you don't always 'think' at the time, or react like you would expect to/want to!

This man was absolutely unreasonable and rude. I don't know if he was being sexist though, as the appointment was in your husband's name, but he was flipping rude by ignoring you and only introducing himself to your husband...

I have been ignored by men when me and DH are looking in car showrooms, and there has been no appointment made by DH then. They just assume THE MAN is the one looking.

I even asked for the keys once (to a car) when I was on my own, as I was interested in this particular car, But it wouldn't start. The 'salesman' said 'what the bloody hell have you done to it? Bloody women!' This was 2015, not the 1960s! Turns out the battery was flat when a mechanic came over to look - as someone had left the headlights on!

I had time to think while the mechanic looked, and said to the salesman 'stuff your car. 'Bloody women' indeed. I never did anything to the car. It was a flat battery!' He muttered 'no loss' as I walked away. Errr actually mate you lost a sale! Idiot!

Surprised at some of the responses to this thread. Good on you (and your husband) for taking a sale away. They wouldn’t have been laughing at you after you’d left; they lost out on money and that tends to wipe a smile off someone’s face. You’re absolutely right that respect should be shown to BOTH people arriving to the appointment, regardless of whose name it’s booked in. Even if it had been booked in your name, I’m pretty sure that your husband wouldn’t have been ignored in the same scenario.

You've still got the car you wanted, and they’re less likely to do that again. Sounds like a win to me!

If I could have a pound for every time I've been in a queue at Jewsons or Buildbase with a roll of Jablite under one arm and a pack of clansleeves in the other or sonesuch but even when I'm next in the queue, the assistent will serve the man behind me assuming I am just holding the stuff for him.

It grinds you down over the years.

I cannot believe that in the 21st century any poster on here thinks that it’s okay to ignore a woman. It’s the height of bad manners and completely disrespectful. I’d have walked out too. I was once told that I could pick the colour and drive the car 🚗 if I was lucky; we walked out too.
For those of you who think it’s okay, in my opinion, it’s not okay whatever the gender of the person being ignored but here it’s clear gender bias. Women’s hard won rights are already being eroded; if you or your partner accept it, you don’t just have a problem with the car dealer. It’s a far bigger issue 😢

How on earth will they know he's your husband, just the same as how would the salesman have known you were DH's wife? DH bought the last car, the appt was booked in DH's name, DH didn't bother introducing you when the salesman introduced himself - what was the salesman meant to do? You may not have been DH's wife, you could have been his sister, his carer or even a very weird acquaintance that DH was too polite to stop following him into a dealership!!!

I mean... really? If you bumped into someone you knew on the street, who was with a second person you didn't know, then you would completely blank the second person in case they were "a weird acquaintance" who was just tagging along? You wouldn't smile and nod, or say hi - just blank them? Because I think you might possibly have slightly more social skills than that, actually...

It sounds like the sales person wasn’t a mind reader.

I think they dodged a bullet. If you’re so upset about this I dread to think what you would be like as a customer of theirs.

I genuinely don't understand your issue.

The appointment was made in your H's name, your car is in your H's name - it's normal for a car salesman to think your DH was the client and be focussed on him.

It was up to you to take charge at the beginning by saying "I'm Mrs Sorentolove and I'm looking for a new car with these specifications. What can you show me?"

He would have directed his attention to you while your DH was still there.

What a batshit response, op 😵‍💫
Proof positive that you were determined to be offended before you even walked through the door.
How else would your husband refuse to introduce you or acknowledge your presence himself, yet communicate to you with a look that the dealership didn't deserve your custom because they didn't intuit from nothing that you were the one buying the car?
What a pair you are, your lives must be so fraught and exhausting for no reason at all.

Yanbu

A local VW dealership lost 2 sales last month as we ended up buying 2 cars from a different place

They refused to let dh test drive a car "because he won't commit to buying it" 🤔🤔🤔🤔

They obviously didn't think we were serious

They lost £35k worth of sales 🤷

What an absolute load of tosh.

A car dealership lost my business like that.
I had a car in my name, I made the apt to discuss changing. Female saleswoman firstly had overlooked our appointment in her diary and then when got to us proceeded to only talk to DH.
DH even directly said you need to speak to X it’s her car and her decision.
They didn’t have what I wanted so I went to leave and she got male manager to come who was awful - that whole only talking to Dh but trying to make out like I was daft to walk away.
I ended up keeping my car for another few years as I cba.
Then when I did swap this year was a small local garage where they actually spoke to me and treated me sensibly.

They directed the conversation to the person whose name the appointment was made in. If you went to the Dr with your DH, would you expect the Dr to talk to you about his treatment?

Also, you say you stood up (after not being acknowledged), so I'm inferring that either your DH was already stood or stood to talk to the salesperson as they came over? That also makes a difference.

After introducing yourself, you should have said, actually this car will be in my name and I’ll be driving it most of the time. If he then continued to ignore you, then it may have been justified to leave and be mortally offended.

It’s still rude not to have even acknowledged you though.

It amazes me when people say it’s ‘unfeminist’ to take your husband’s surname or use the prefix Mrs. When did the most important facet of feminism stop being about a woman’s right to be able to make her own choices?!

Well, you put yourself on the back foot from the start, as you are apparently incapable of making your own appointments.

Surely it is less sexist to assume you may be waiting separately from the man next to you, for a different appointment? Why should he assume you are the partner or wife of the man who made an appointment for his little wife? You also do not mention him continuing to address only your dh once you had introduced yourself.

The issue is that it is still solely a woman’s choice. It isn’t expected of men.

And the central facet of feminism is equity. This is still an unequal issue.

It is expected of the man if the woman doesn’t like his surname. 😂

Yeah well. I tried this myself.

DP even told the salesman to speak to me as he knows nothing about cars and cares even less.

I was still ignored. We walked out without buying too. The salesman lost a sure sale

That has never, ever been 'the most important facet of feminism'.

'Choice feminism' isn't feminism.

Feminism is a political ideology and movement designed to counteract the patriarchy.

No it isn't. Almost zero men change their names when they get married.

That didn't happen in op's case, yet herself and her husband still communicated telepathically that it was unacceptable.

This is in no way similar.
The op says it was in her husband's name.
They spoke to the person whose appointment it was

Speak for yourself. In my experience it’s quite common. Maybe you just don’t know people with surnames other people teased them about at school!