To have walked out the car dealership after this blatant rudeness, perhaps sexism?

[Sorentolove]

DH and I went to upgrade our shared family car (I drive it 80% of the time) at the local dealership.

The car was purchased 4 years ago at another (same brand) dealership and we're coming to the end of the Lease.

It was purchased under his name, this one will be purchased under my name.

The appointment was made in his name.

We arrived slightly ahead of time and we're greeted pleasantly, offered coffees and waited for the staff member. Another pleasant staff member passed by and had a brief chat with us both.

Our fellow came up to us at the wait area introduced himself to my DH, shook his hand, and started talking about the car we'd expressed an interest in.

Rather taken aback at being ignored, I stood up, offered my hand and introduced myself as Mrs SLove.

He shook my hand and guided us to his desk where we talked for a couple of minutes about the car, then he said he'd get the keys and then show us the vehicle.

DH and I looked at each other and we saw we were on the same page that this branch did not deserve our money and we decided to leave.

I caught the manager's eye on the way out and explained our disappointment.

He was furious and tried to convince us to stay, even stopping us as we were driving off the car park. We were resolute though, and they lost a sale.

Wwbu?

OP, you’re being bloody ridiculous.

Nothing infuriates me more than women who either say nothing and then sulk or drop stupid hints and still expect other people to read their mind.

At what point did you speak to the salesman and tell him that YOU were buying the car? If after you told him that, he then ignored you, you’d have a case for blatant sexism.

Otherwise, you’re just another woman with crap communication skills. 🤷🏻‍♀️

It was rude of them to do that in that manner, but some dealerships workers are made to ‘qualify’ people basically the second they walk through the door, we’ve never been on board with that type of thing at our place because it quickly becomes apparent if you chat to customers for a few minutes, but it’s amazing how many people come to waste time with no intention of buying anything.

pressure is often put on from higher ups to qualify straight away to get rid of time wasters, as the last thing you want is genuine customers walking because no one is available to speak to them when you’re too busy with someone wasting your time, I’d be offended too at what you experienced even though I know why they do it.

for info, it’s often the scruffiest looking people that are happy to drop cash and make decisions straight away, overdressed people who have made a big effort often dick around and want to be schmoozed a lot more.. in my experience anyway.

Gosh this thread is depressing

You were absolutely right op. Even if the appointment was not in your name it’s basic manners to say hello to the entire group. I’ve recently been to similar with my husband and daughter and the salesman did just that.

Its your (collective) money, you are both quite entitled to spend it somewhere that treats you both like human beings. I don’t know if I would have walked out but I would not have been amused.

Good thing is your husbands on the same page and noticed too. Mine would have but a lot of men wouldn’t I suspect.

I think you're being ridiculous. It was his appointment to buy his car. The fact that you're both going to drive it later on is your choice, nothing to do with the salesman.
Was it the fact that it was a car that bothered you? What if it had been something else?

What ridiculousness am I reading? When did it become ok to just blank someone standing in front of you? Surely the posters on this thread don't think that it's ok to be so blatantly rude?!

This is odd! Woman feels ignored. Woman couldn’t speak up for herself. Feminism has not taken us very far, has it? Except for blaming the man and feeling aggrieved . Get a voice and introduce yourself. If you cannot, get your DH to introduce you. Who just sits there and says nothing? Sisters are doing it for themselves - aren’t they?

It was in your husband’s name tbh it sounds like you didn’t really give them a chance

‘He shook my hand and guided us to his desk where we talked for a couple of minutes about the car, then he said he’d get the keys and then show us the vehicle.

DH and I looked at each other and saw we were on the same page that this branch did not deserve our money and we decided to leave’.

I don’t understand this? Why did you look at each other then walk out?

Booking the appointment in your husband’s name wasn’t exactly a shout-out for your feminist rights, was it?

The salesman does sound a bit rude and definitely dismissive. But it sounds like you and your DH were a bit daft too.

Talk about making life hard for yourself. The salesperson did nothing wrong. It must be exhausting being you.

*Rather taken aback at being ignored, I stood up, offered my hand and introduced myself as Mrs SLove.

He shook my hand and guided us to his desk where we talked for a couple of minutes about the car, then he said he'd get the keys and then show us the vehicle.*

I'm really struggling with the part where you were offended enough to walk out. Surely the part where you felt you had to introduce yourself (your husband should have done this) was where you were offended.
He guided you both to the desk, talked to you both and then showed you both to the vehicle given that you've used we / us. And then you decided you were offended.
It doesn't make sense

DH and I test drove a new car, and in the preamble the salesman addressed himself mostly to DH, despite us both talking to him and saying it was for us both.
As we walked towards the car the salesman turned to me and said 'Are you ok sitting in the back?'
I replied that I wasn't planning on spending much time sitting in the back, and sat in the passenger seat. And DH and I both tried the car out. We didn't like it, but even if we had we wouldn't have bought from that dealership.
Now that's chippy!

Thank goodness your husband single handedly put an end to sexism 25 years ago

She wasn’t standing in front of him. She remained sitting down while he approached her and her husband, shook her husband’s hand and started talking to him.

You stand up to introduce yourself to someone or to be introduced, that’s also basic manners. If I approached two people and only one of them stood up then I would assume that either they weren’t actually together or the second person wasn’t very interested in proceedings.

Also, did your husband stand (ie get off his chair ) as sales person came and shook his hand, while you remained seated? Because if I’m standing and other person is seated I wouldn’t offer to shake their hand because you do normally do it standing. Maybe you were the one who seemed off with body language, or maybe all the attention from others and the coffee made you think you were a celeb? So many possibilities. As mentioned before, i avoid handshakes. Pandemic spread that way! And people coughing in your face.

This.

How on earth will they know he's your husband, just the same as how would the salesman have known you were DH's wife? DH bought the last car, the appt was booked in DH's name, DH didn't bother introducing you when the salesman introduced himself - what was the salesman meant to do? You may not have been DH's wife, you could have been his sister, his carer or even a very weird acquaintance that DH was too polite to stop following him into a dealership!!! How is the salesman supposed to know purely by mind reading? He greeted you when you introduced yourself so he wasn't trying to be sexist and blank you.

Your DH was the one that made the mistake and the one that was technically rude, if you have an appt with someone (call them A) which DH did and you have someone with you going to the appt (call them B), it's on DH that when A greets him DH should introduce A to B. Your DH was the one who was rude and dismissive to you! The salesman did nothing wrong and had a very lucky escape by the sound of it!

It reads to me that husband stood up to greet salesman, and OP stayed sitting down until it was obvious that the salesman hadn’t acknowledged her then she stood up herself to clumsily introduce herself.. seems to be an oversight not a snub personally.

imo husband should have introduced her after they shook hands and told the salesman that she was buying the car.. not sure why he didn’t? It’s pretty normal to do that as the salesman wouldn’t automatically know who she was, and definitely wouldn’t have assumed she was buying the car as the appointment was in the husbands name (again, not sure why), and especially as she never bothered to stand up and greet him when he came over to them.

Not even a sale. They were renting one and now they are renting another one.

I agree with OP. It doesn’t matter who made the appointment or what name it’s in - the salesman should have spoken to both of you. Many many moons ago my brother was a salesman and they were actually told to address both in a couple but to remember that it was the woman who was probably the one who would actually be easiest to sell to.

Urgh, so sensitive.

This.

I've done it. We were looking to buy a 7 seater, which would primarily be my car, ferrying the kids around, and visiting various showrooms to see what each manufacturer offered.

In one showroom, the salesman approached us, spoke solely to my husband, and then said he'd show my husband the model available.

He didn't even acknowledge me, so as the two men walked off towards the car, I turned on my heel and left. I caught the eye of another salesman and said, "Well, that's one commission he won't be earning".

I also "had words" with my husband afterwards.

For me, this cements that you look for something to be offended by.

Agree. The salesman couldn't even extend basic courtesy to a mere woman by greeting her as he did her husband.