To have walked out the car dealership after this blatant rudeness, perhaps sexism?

[Sorentolove]

DH and I went to upgrade our shared family car (I drive it 80% of the time) at the local dealership.

The car was purchased 4 years ago at another (same brand) dealership and we're coming to the end of the Lease.

It was purchased under his name, this one will be purchased under my name.

The appointment was made in his name.

We arrived slightly ahead of time and we're greeted pleasantly, offered coffees and waited for the staff member. Another pleasant staff member passed by and had a brief chat with us both.

Our fellow came up to us at the wait area introduced himself to my DH, shook his hand, and started talking about the car we'd expressed an interest in.

Rather taken aback at being ignored, I stood up, offered my hand and introduced myself as Mrs SLove.

He shook my hand and guided us to his desk where we talked for a couple of minutes about the car, then he said he'd get the keys and then show us the vehicle.

DH and I looked at each other and we saw we were on the same page that this branch did not deserve our money and we decided to leave.

I caught the manager's eye on the way out and explained our disappointment.

He was furious and tried to convince us to stay, even stopping us as we were driving off the car park. We were resolute though, and they lost a sale.

Wwbu?

This is it. I work in a situation where people sometimes bring someone with them to an appointment (not sales in this case, public sector). The things is OP might think it was obvious they were a couple and obvious she should also be involved, but there are so many times when assuming what the relationship is goes wrong! You only have to think sometimes sister is their mum once before you become vary wary!

Of course I would always say hello to both people, so he was rude not to do that (I tend not to do shaking hands because not everyone I deal with is comfortable with that) but it's then often awkward if the person who has the appointment booked doesn't introduce the other person, or if they don't introduce themselves and why they are there, because some people also seem to find it rude if you ask them who they are! Customer service is a minefield!

What a silly fuss about nothing.

So you were sitting in the waiting area when he introduced himself?

Salesman gets told by reception his 11am appt has arrived, or Mr Love is here for you, or similar words, and walks over to the waiting area. How did he even know you were with your husband? For all he knows Mr Love could have been alone, and you just were just a separate customer waiting for your MoT to finish. Your husband could have said "Ah before you start, this lady here is my wife Sorento, and I know the appointment was booked in my name but it's actually her who'll be driving it". I don't know why you're not blaming DH too, he let this happen!

I can only assume you both like the drama. The fact you didn't say anything there and then but went over to the desk and let him carry on shows how much you enjoyed letting the situation develop. Just weird.

YABU and over thinking this. We recently bought a new car and the appointment was made in my name. The sales guy greeted me first and spoke to me most of the time and only really spoke to DH when I directed a query to him. As far as the sales guy was aware, the appointment was for your DH and you were just accompanying him.

"Hello, I'm Sorentolove. The car is for me actually." would have fixed the issue I'm sure.

If ever I'm with my husband looking at cars or have an appointment at a dealership the sales person does address both of us and asks who is the lead name for the admin purposes.
It is usually my dh who phones ahead etc but I've never had the situation where I've been ignored or they have just assumed it's him dealing with it all.
I can see why you were annoyed ,but I would have been tempted to just say ' I'm the lead name and it's me your dealing with ' and carried on. It was an error on their part, but I think I would have let it go on this occasion ( especially if it was a good deal and given the circumstances)

Very poor selling skills - he should have established in the first few minutes who was going to use the car, what they were using it for and and who was making the purchasing decison. As appointment etc in my partner's name, I'd given him another chance by proactively mentioning that I was going to be the primary user to see if changed his direction.

It is very common for salesmen to talk to the penis in a couple- very common for the less effective ones that is.

Good on your OP. I did the same at two dealerships after booking the appt myself but took a male friend along because we went for lunch after. They just kept talking at him after the intros and knowing I was paying 🤷🏻‍♀️

Audi and VW were totally normal though so I went with one of them.

I'm with you OP. This is 2023 where sales people who are worth their salt should know how to interact and deal with people.

The salesperson is trying to sell you a car and presumably earn commission. I am sure it was obvious you were together. He should be doing the leg work and fact finding. Their reception team should have told him that there were 2 of you. They are trying to sell to you.

Its amazing that car dealerships are still like this although looking in this thread a lot of women don't seem to mind being ignored when there about to part with thousands of pounds. Strange.

As regards the posters saying that they expect the dealership were laughing about and making fun of you afterwards, I would say the joke is on them - they lost a sale by their crap service! Sales people remember this, there is always another option when you are shit at your job!

Whole point of leasing a car is that you’re not purchasing it.

DH has come to the dealership with me re my new car but it’s been patently obvious from the start that I’m the one in the driving seat. First names used for everyone. Only when DH decided he would like a test drive too and handed over his licence did any mention of different surnames come into it. And that was weeks after I’d been in and test driven cars myself (on my own - shock horror!)

I hate everyday sexism, but you identify as the wife of your husband, your husband has the current lease and the appt was in his name. No indication you were any part of the process at all. You could have been his mistress for all the sales person knew.

alightly sexist and rude
But mitigating circumstances - booked on your husbands name

It’s a cash purchase. Not a lease.

I go on my own. It's me buying the car not my husband. You sound really hard work based on your OP. This only happened once and DH told the salesperson he was directing his questions at the wrong one.
The difference between you and me is my current car was registered in my name and the appointment was in Ms TGGreen's name, not Mr (or even Mrs) Sorentolove.

YABU. why didn’t you just introduce yourself and say you were financing the car this time.

Gosh I’d hate to see how you deal with any major life issues by the way you took offence to this issue. Ridiculous carry on. Everything was booked under your husbands name so of course the salesman is going to deal with him. I’d find it hard to believe that you were completely ignored when the salesman greeted you both, you seem to be put out that he didn’t address you. And then - as many others have payout - you address yourself as Mrs. In this day and age nearly everyone is addressed and addresses themselves be their first name.

YANBU!
Very rude to not greet both of you and only focus on your DH.
And YANBU to have introduced yourself as Mrs X - as a PP pointed out, if they are addressing your DH as ‘Mr X’ you don’t introduce yourself by your first name.

Exactly right.

Yawn 😴

As a 'militant feminist' (as I'm often referred to by others), even I couldn't get so worked up about this that I'd flounce off in a big old huff

The words chip and shoulder come to mind.

Yes he should have acknowledged you but it's not something I could get worked up about let alone make a complaint and crow about sexism 🙄

I’m not sure I’d have flounced off for this reason.

Just out of curiosity, how old was the salesman?

I read this three times to try and understand how it was in any way sexist, and couldn't find it. I tend to think that people who react like this don't have any real problems so they have to invent some.

Oh where to start with this. My background in the motor industry as a general manager of a premium car dealership, goes back a long way but the principals are still the same. The very first thing any competent sales person should do is qualify the customer. By that I mean ask basic questions. Whilst introducing themselves to the primary contact they should also introduce themselves to anybody with them, find out the relationship and what input that person has to the process. You can be very surprised at some of the replies but the selling process should include all people there and involved, the decision maker may not be who you think! The sad thing is the way the trade has developed and the only interest now is to make money. Personally I had a passion and great knowledge of cars and passed this on to my customers at the level they wanted. I claim to have never sold a car, I helped people make up their mind. I was in show business show people what they want to see. Very often in their first week in car sales I would send people out checking the local dealers and report back to me their findings, oh the horror stories. This then prompted their future approach.
In Op’s situation I would have done exactly the same. In fact I have when we bought my wife’s car. It’s all down to bad training and management, no excuse.

It doesn’t sound that bad but you were there and best placed to read the situation. I’m not sure it would have bothered me enough to walk out, I’d never get anything done if I reacted that way every time I got a sniff of sexism.

I bought a car few months ago. They welcomed Both of us (husband and wife) and there were no issues with that aspect. Appointment was booked in hubbys name too. It may have been a trainee or just someone super nervous, maybe they genuinely believed your hubby was buying again, not you?. I know people go to car sale companies wanting to be treated like celebs because they’re spending a lot of money. Also some people dont shake the opposite sex’s hands, so could be all sorts of reasons, not sure background of sales person. I personally dont like handshakes - it’s unhygienic after covid and a global pandemic! If you didnt like the customer service, it’s your right to leave

It fucking does sound bad. Ignored like you're part of the furniture. I don't know if it's sexist but I can't see what else it would be. No point saying it's because the appointment was on husbands name. I don't think it would have been the other way round if the appointment was in your name.