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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have walked out the car dealership after this blatant rudeness, perhaps sexism?

719 replies

Sorentolove · 09/09/2023 23:05

DH and I went to upgrade our shared family car (I drive it 80% of the time) at the local dealership.

The car was purchased 4 years ago at another (same brand) dealership and we're coming to the end of the Lease.

It was purchased under his name, this one will be purchased under my name.

The appointment was made in his name.

We arrived slightly ahead of time and we're greeted pleasantly, offered coffees and waited for the staff member. Another pleasant staff member passed by and had a brief chat with us both.

Our fellow came up to us at the wait area introduced himself to my DH, shook his hand, and started talking about the car we'd expressed an interest in.

Rather taken aback at being ignored, I stood up, offered my hand and introduced myself as Mrs SLove.

He shook my hand and guided us to his desk where we talked for a couple of minutes about the car, then he said he'd get the keys and then show us the vehicle.

DH and I looked at each other and we saw we were on the same page that this branch did not deserve our money and we decided to leave.

I caught the manager's eye on the way out and explained our disappointment.

He was furious and tried to convince us to stay, even stopping us as we were driving off the car park. We were resolute though, and they lost a sale.

Wwbu?

OP posts:
ChocolateCakeOverspill · 10/09/2023 07:53

Ordinarily I’d be with you on this, being the only driver in our family and having many experiences of sales men ignoring me and talking to my husband but in your case, your husband actually made the appointment. Yes it’s polite to introduce himself to both of you but not really flouncing material.

Greenwitchhorse · 10/09/2023 07:56

Of course if it was obvious that you were a couple and both part of the appointment he should not have defaulted to talking to your husband only.

Rather bizarre to see so many comment criticising you...

He assumed that your husband would be the one making the decision about the car. That's sexism.

Well done for letting the dealership know why you were dissatisfied.

The name of the person who made the appointment is irrelevant, the point is that the salesperson has two people in front of them and should not be ignore one of them based on their gender.

No wonder we still have so much sexism if women themselves (I assume it is a majority women commenting on this thread) will just gang up agains the woman who is challenging it rather than praising her for making a statement and not putting up with nonsense...

Sothisiit · 10/09/2023 07:56

It's bad form not to greet or acknowledge anybody attending a meeting.
It's up to you where you take your business at least the salesman will learn some basic manners.

Greenwitchhorse · 10/09/2023 08:00

''@Tweedledeee

I don't get why everyone thinks it's ok to INFORM the salesman that he needs to also speak to the wife.''

This!

She should not have to ask to be acknowledged and spoken to...

It is just basic manners to greet and address both people involved in the appointment, not choose to ignore one of them because the salesperson assume the man is the one in charge when it comes to buying a car.

DrySherry · 10/09/2023 08:02

I can see why they thought the rental would be in Husbands name tbf.
Anyway the sales guy probably had a proper roasting, rightly or not. Well done for ruining his day for nothing important imo.

Naunet · 10/09/2023 08:05

Densol57 · 09/09/2023 23:08

So the appointment was made in husbands name NOT yours. Salesman talks to husband
is salesman a mind reader or is there a drip feed here ?
YABU

Don’t be so bloody ridiculous, made in his name or not, the sales person shouldn’t have completely blanked her, such rude behaviour.

WimpoleHat · 10/09/2023 08:07

But so far as I can see he was told he had an appointment with a man and shook hands with the man.

I must admit, this was my thought too. And why didn’t your husband introduce you (“….and this is my wife”)? The salesman sounded a bit clumsy, but I think it’s a bit of a leap to jump to “sexist”.

Hoolahoo · 10/09/2023 08:08

I agree with the OP, it is irrelevant who booked the appointment, you at least acknowledge the people in front of you. That is basic politeness and I would've done the same as you.

Naunet · 10/09/2023 08:10

I’m shocked that apparently most women would be happy to sit there and be rudely ignored because a man assumed they were unimportant in the decision making.

LlynTegid · 10/09/2023 08:12

It's not just the dealership that should have your displeasure. The manufacturer who grant the dealership should know why you did this.

LuluBlakey1 · 10/09/2023 08:15

So you rented a car 4 years ago and went to rent another car- same brand. Appt in DH's name. DH on last rental agreement. You left, to make a point because they didn't 'deserve' your money after salesman assumed DH was renting the new car and mostly spoke to him. You didn't test drive it. wasted a couple of hours and have now rented it over the phone.

Worthwhile protest. Hope it made you feel better.

You could have said, when he immediately assumed DH was the customer, 'Actually, I'm the customer.' Saved all the little drama you created afterwards.

Naunet · 10/09/2023 08:15

whatchagonnado · 10/09/2023 07:25

This 👆
It was a minor slight by the salesman and should have been addressed at the time. YABU to walk out over it

Show quote history

Why? She’s not duty bound to buy a car off anyone, she didn’t owe him anything.

Ienjoyedthebarbiemovie · 10/09/2023 08:18

YABU. The appointment was made in his name fgs.

CharlieBoo · 10/09/2023 08:20

I think in general as a society we’re so offended by anything and everything these days…

You may have got a good/better deal on that car than another dealership and will never know now after your faux dramatics

SurelyBassey · 10/09/2023 08:23

Naunet · 10/09/2023 08:10

I’m shocked that apparently most women would be happy to sit there and be rudely ignored because a man assumed they were unimportant in the decision making.

Ah but if the appointment had been made in Mrs @Sorentolove name and the sales man included Mr @Sorentolove posters would be equally outraged that the sales man assumed she needed her husband's advice to purchase it
Sales man can't win either way
Stop making a drama out of it, use your words like an adult 🙄

VaccineSticker · 10/09/2023 08:25

What an odd bunch of replies.
Have you all lost your manners?!!

They both attended and they need to be greeted properly regardless what their titles are!

Simplelobsterhat · 10/09/2023 08:26

I'm a little bit confused. I get it's a bit rude he ignored you (and yes there may well be some sexism there, although it could just be focussing on the person who booked - I've learnt from experience you can't really assume who someone has bought with them to appointments or how involved they are, your DH really should have introduced you).

But what happened after that to make you and your husband look at each other and decide to leave? It sounds like this was not straight after the introductions so I'm wondering if you've missed out something else that occured or that he continued to ignore you? In which case fair enough. But if it was just that first interaction then it seems an over reaction. Frankly I'd rarely buy anything (especially not a car!) if I only ever bought from people I considered perfect in the way they interact!

I don't know why people are giving you a hard time on the Mrs thing though. If you husband hasn't asked them to call him by his first name, then encouraging the guy to call you something less formal is hardly going to cure the sexism! And it is an easy shorthand to explain your relationship as well. If you said only your first name you would have to also say you were wife / partner to make it clear you are likely to be involved in the decision not just friend / daughter / sister along for ride.... although I do think you should have said straight off it was actually you buying the car.

ErniesGhostlyGoldTops · 10/09/2023 08:26

topnoddy · 10/09/2023 07:31

That would probably be because if he sold you a finance package he'd get a commission !

Show quote history

@topnoddy You are probably right but it's not the first thing the salesman should have raised.

We didn't want to be shmoozed but his approach was borderline offensive. As if he had decided we looked as if we couldn't afford to buy another LR and he wanted to establish if we were going to part ex the one we arrived in so at least he was in with a chance of a deal before going to too much effort.

Pasithean · 10/09/2023 08:28

We went to John Lewis and bought a vacuum cleaner the male sales man only spoke to my husband my husband kept saying you need to talk to my wife. Anyways we got home I told him the vacuum cleaner was his he could use it and he suggested we got a cleaner. Win win.

WimpoleHat · 10/09/2023 08:30

you can't really assume who someone has bought with them to appointments or how involved they are, your DH really should have introduced you).

I agree with this. The salesman wouldn’t just assume you were his wife unless your DH (the person with whom he’d made the appointment) told him! If you objected to introducing yourself then he really should have done it for you - “this is my wife”, “this is Mrs SLove” or whatever.

willWillSmithsmith · 10/09/2023 08:30

If everything including the appt had been in your name and he ignored you in favour of your dh then I’d have walked out. Otherwise not really sure what the gripe is as you said he shook your hand and led you both to the desk.

FlamingoQueen · 10/09/2023 08:30

I’ve walked out of several car dealerships - one because the poor (lovely) salesman couldn’t get the manager to give me a price for my car without knowing if I was definitely purchasing a new car. I said several times that it would depend on the price they were willing to give me before I committed to the new (to me - secondhand) car. Went round in circles so I walked out.

Next was one salesman who had seen me looking at a different dealership across the road and commented on it, thinking he was being the big man! I said that that was for my DH, this is for me and then walked off as he was super slimy!

I’ve never had a problem with people not talking to me, otherwise I would say something. If they still ignore me, then I would walk off.

pictoosh · 10/09/2023 08:35

It's seldom the occasion that I would find myself sympathising with a car salesman but here we are. Poor sod spoke to the person the appointment was for. All you had to say was "It's me who'll be driving the car".

pollyroo · 10/09/2023 08:38

Total overreaction to a non issue Blush

Yes. Yes I bet they were soooo upset they lost your sale Hmm

LondonJax · 10/09/2023 08:39

Naunet · 10/09/2023 08:10

I’m shocked that apparently most women would be happy to sit there and be rudely ignored because a man assumed they were unimportant in the decision making.

I'd be shocked that my husband, sitting by my side, didn't immediately introduce me if the salesman ignored me. To 'exchange glances and decide to walk out' without DH speaking up and saying something like 'This is LondonJax and she's actually the one buying the car' would have got him more than a 'glance' when we'd have left! It would be what I'd expect him to, and would know he would, do. He wouldn't let a salesman off the hook and just flounce out in a hissy fit.

By the way, I do think the salesman was wrong (possibly sexist possibly just rude - we don't know what he'd have done if the OP had booked in her name).

But I'd be equally annoyed if my DH had been so passively aggressive rather than stand by me. Having said that I'd have introduced myself AND pointed out that I'm buying the car if my DH hadn't bothered. Then enjoyed the squirm and smarm whilst the salesman made up for his mistake.

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