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Original poster

Trapped with an alcoholic I hate

158 replies

Whatintheworldgirl · 09/09/2023 20:01

Tw:discussion of alcohol abuse and SI!

My partner is an alcoholic. He passed out the other night in a toilet apparently. I didn't hear from him from 11am to the early hours the next day when he stumbled back in. I had taken my engagement ring off to wash and moisturise my face (I'm a jeweller so I know how much soap and lotions are bad for white gold) and he came back, saw my ring on the side and threw it at me. I sat in the garden till morning waiting for him to wake up in his hungover state. Fully decided I don't want to be with him anymore. I can't do this. He woke up, still drunk, shouting at me. I told him it was over and he tried to overdose on beta blockers. I had to take the box from me and call 111. They advised I take him to a&e. So I did. They discharged him a few hours with an AA leftlet. His parents text me saying they are going on holiday and have brought roaming on their phone so they are going to be unreachable (this is after their son tried to overdose) and said that it's 'all in my hands'. I've contacted the AA for him. Managed to get him the go in and fill in some forms. Then a group meeting. This should be progress but h hate him. I genuinely despise him. He's mean and self obsessed and is completely different to the person I originally thought he was. I'm now trapped on suicide and alcohol watch. I know it probably comes across that I have no sympathy but I've been close to death last year with health issues and I've constantly been trying to keep everyone together. Im just tired now. I'm tired of giving him everything all the time and to be ridiculed and made to feel lonely. Ever since being with him I've been on anti anxiety meds and I just feel like I've lost myself.

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · 09/09/2023 20:07

you are not trapped on watch. The absolute best thing you could do is pack a bag and move out. He is responsible for himself.

BakedTattie · 09/09/2023 20:08

Can you leave? He’s not your responsibility

Bonbon21 · 09/09/2023 20:21

Walk away.
Whats happens now is down to him and his life choices.
Walk away.

Twizbe · 09/09/2023 20:25

Who’s house is it? you’re not trapped, you’re not his keeper. You can leave / make him leave.

tescocreditcard · 09/09/2023 20:28

Just leave. You matter too. We are not responsible for the behaviour of other adults. We are responsible for ourselves and our dependent children and that is all.

SummerHouse · 09/09/2023 20:28

You have gone way beyond the extra mile. Enough now. Have you got somewhere you can go? Go, and don't look back.

ThreeLittleDots · 09/09/2023 20:30

Walk out, honestly. You don't have to stay x

Original poster
Whatintheworldgirl · 09/09/2023 20:30

SummerHouse · 09/09/2023 20:28

You have gone way beyond the extra mile. Enough now. Have you got somewhere you can go? Go, and don't look back.

But if I leave (he is in my flat) then what if he over doses again? I feel like he's too unstable. He could smash up my place or hurt himself. I don't know what to do 😭😭

OP posts:
ThreeLittleDots · 09/09/2023 20:31

It's not your fault if he kills himself. You are not responsible for him and cannot be expected to do this. You have already done too much.

ThreeLittleDots · 09/09/2023 20:32

If he smashes up your place when you throw him out then you call the police.

You are not trapped.

FineganFineagain · 09/09/2023 20:33

I know this is said on here often, but that's because it's so true: WOMEN ARE NOT REHABILITATION CENTRES FOR DYSFUNCTIONAL MEN! Aaah, I feel better for that.

FineganFineagain · 09/09/2023 20:34

I bet his parents put the bunting out the day you took him off their hands.

Original poster
Whatintheworldgirl · 09/09/2023 20:34

ThreeLittleDots · 09/09/2023 20:31

It's not your fault if he kills himself. You are not responsible for him and cannot be expected to do this. You have already done too much.

But if I make him even more depressed and he ends his life then it is my fault. Then a person has decided to take their own life because of me giving up 😭 I just wish his family where home so I could get them to pick him up although apparently he's in major debt with them and if I break up with them it would be 'unfair' for me to expect him to handle the debt on his own, says his mum, even know I've never seen a penny from him. He's obviously lied to them saying it's for bills and stuff when he's never paid for any of the bills and now they think I'm obligated to help that too. I'm just so fed up 😭 I feel trapped

OP posts:
Thatsmorethanhalf · 09/09/2023 20:34

You need to focus on making a plan for yourself. Change the locks and inform the police that you have done it, or arrange to go somewhere safe until you can decide what you want to do. Either way, as pps have said, it is time to walk away

AuntieDolly · 09/09/2023 20:34

Pack his stuff and take him to his parents house. This is not your responsibility.

LadyGaGasPokerFace · 09/09/2023 20:35

If it’s your place then get him to leave. Get the locks changed, call the police. Bag his stuff up and send it to his —worthless parents— to deal with. He is no longer your responsibility.

Original poster
Whatintheworldgirl · 09/09/2023 20:36

FineganFineagain · 09/09/2023 20:33

I know this is said on here often, but that's because it's so true: WOMEN ARE NOT REHABILITATION CENTRES FOR DYSFUNCTIONAL MEN! Aaah, I feel better for that.

I've not seen this saying so thank you so much. Feel like it needs to be my mantra 🙈😂

OP posts:
jeaux90 · 09/09/2023 20:36

You are not his support human. Everything is in his hands.

Please kick him out and finish it otherwise you are going down with him. You know this.

And sod his family, I am disgusted that they think you are supposed to be the one taking the hit here.

Disgraceful.

Original poster
Whatintheworldgirl · 09/09/2023 20:38

AuntieDolly · 09/09/2023 20:34

Pack his stuff and take him to his parents house. This is not your responsibility.

They are on bloody holiday! They didn't even tell me when they where coming back and they are unreachable as they don't have their phones 😭 apparently they didn't pay for 'roaming'. I'm dumb so I don't know what this means just that I'm on my own as his mother said

OP posts:
ThreeLittleDots · 09/09/2023 20:38

It's not your fault. You are not responsible for his feelings, suicidal or not. He is the only person responsible for his actions, feelings and responses.

You are not captive.

You are only responsible to yourself and you know this isn't right. Where will it end?

You do know that threatening and even attempting suicide is a common control tactic by abusers?

Even if he is suicidal, it's NOT YOUR FAULT.

He needs to leave and you need to consider why you are putting his needs above your own.

gamerchick · 09/09/2023 20:38

There's a reason his mother is laying on the guilt trip OP. So she doesn't have to bother with it all.

He is not your problem. Tell his mother he's not your fucking problem to sort.

If he kills himself (he won't) it's on him. If he does take another overdose. Drop him off at A&E and leave him there. Tell him that's what you'll do if he tries to milk this shit

Bananalanacake · 09/09/2023 20:39

Get the police to remove him, he is not your responsibility. How long has he lived with you and not paid his way. I remember reading this last week, the answer is still the same.

Twizbe · 09/09/2023 20:39

You are NOT responsible for his actions. Let the people at AA know you’ve left him and chucked him out. They can sign post him to support.

It sounds harsh but it’s true. It’s your flat, change the locks, call the police if you need, let his family know you’ve dumped him.

Original poster
Whatintheworldgirl · 09/09/2023 20:41

ThreeLittleDots · 09/09/2023 20:38

It's not your fault. You are not responsible for his feelings, suicidal or not. He is the only person responsible for his actions, feelings and responses.

You are not captive.

You are only responsible to yourself and you know this isn't right. Where will it end?

You do know that threatening and even attempting suicide is a common control tactic by abusers?

Even if he is suicidal, it's NOT YOUR FAULT.

He needs to leave and you need to consider why you are putting his needs above your own.

I do totally understand and appreciate what you're saying. I don't know why I'm struggling to leave. I guess I'm scared. I'm scared to be the cause of someone taking their life. I'm scared that he may hurt me. I'm scared that I'll be blamed if something bad does happen. I'm just a whole lot of scared

OP posts:
PoachedDregs · 09/09/2023 20:41

How long are you willing to stay because of the risk he could overdose again? A week, a month, a decade?

If you let him manipulate you like that, you will never leave.

Walk away, now!