I have a training tomorrow and my 16 dd has just been sick

[Pinktrousers2020]

She has d&v like I had the last couple of days. I have a training all day, what would you do ? Stay with her or go ? I was really sick with it at first. I don’t know what to do

Imagine caring more about your manager than your child? Really sad

to get to the point I imagine you’re trying to make first I’d have to imagine not having to think about the financial consequences of losing a job/promotion that my family was reliant on.

Even salaried positions rely on performance if you want to keep them.

I just cannot imagine how most companies would react to someone taking a day off to look after their sick 16 yo, esp for a mild illness. My kids are most definitely not neglected but seriously at 16 I would expect them to manage unless I was having to take them to hospital.

If you were really still unwell or potentially contagious then you were right to stay off.

Really? Not taking a day off for a 16 yo means you care more about your manager. They are 16 with d&v, hardly a necessity to take a day off for.

Bullshit, why does a 16 yo need looking after. If your child lived at home till 25 would you still take a day off to look after them? TBH half on MN would.

For most in salaried positions, the difference is more about lifestyle aspirations than financial gain.

Because they're still a child and may not recognise when they need additional help. Mostly it's that they're still a child.

I would stay and care for my child even if they were 60 if they were seriously ill. of course.

The kind of sickness op is talking about can require medical intervention. I have been hospitalised with food poisoning. I was ill for weeks, and was too weak to even lift my head. Any decent mother would take a day off for a 16y old, they are still a child after all.

Yes you'd rather your manager say that you are a good employee than your child feel like they can rely on their mother in a vulnerable time.

How would you know if they need to go to hospital if you're at work bringing your manager coffees?

I'd have no idea because I'd call and say I'm not coming in as my kid is sick. See you when they're better. They can have whatever reaction they want.

Yes ita really lapse parenting. They'll learn when they come home to find their child septic and the social services wondering why the fuck they left a kid alone and sick.

Tbf, @Lastchancechica this is a different situation. The OP’s DD wasn’t ill for a dangerously long period, she vomited for the first time the night before the OP was scheduled to work.

Who wouldn't for any family member who was seriously ill, even OP said her DD was fine the next day so clearly not seriously ill How fucking rude though, 'any decent mother'. Any decent mother would assess whether they needed to stay home for their nearly adult child and make a decision based on their severity. There is nothing the OP has said to suggest it was anything other than normal d&v.

Where was there a suggestion of that? If there was please indicate it - I've evidently missed it.

Are you always so over dramatic?

My DC are always able to contact a number of responsible adults at all times, if not me then their dad, grandparents, friends, aunties. No need for all the OTT really unlikely scenarios to try and make some mums feel guilty for having to work. Do you stay at home every day with your 16yo, I mean they could have a fall, or become seriously ill at any minute, yo, how neglectful of you to not be holding their hand all day 🙄

Ignore it, they are being ridiculous. And anyway, where do you draw the line, never leave anyone alone at any time?

My dad had a cold which was turning into flu like symptoms in the morningbut nothing really out of the ordinary. He was 22 (my parents were married at that point). My mum went to work (age 20) by the time she got home he was barely conscious and had the most serious form of meningitis. What should she have done? No reason to be alarmed in the morning so why would she have stayed. You can't live your life in fear of what ifs!

@Appleontherocks well your clearly on your way to some sort of damehood for motherhood. Well done you.

back in the real world most people have to weigh up providing money for a roof over their head, food and bills against caring for their families.

I can only surmise money magically appears in your bank account to provide these things for your family and yours is not the average experience. Therefore your persistent opinion means little to nothing.

We have always had a blanket policy that anyone under adult age has a parent with them when ill. We have been caught out once too many times with common illnesses escalating in children. We would never leave ours all day. I don’t mind that we are overly cautious, I would be worried all day anyway.

Just out of interest...

If, for example, you had an elderly family member who was reliant on care at home.
Perhaps your Mum, Dad, Grandpa or Nan. Maybe she relied upon her carer to turn up, help her up out of bed, to the toilet, get washed and dressed, breakfast and medication.

What if the carer couldn't come? There's no-one else, we're in the depths of a staffing crisis in Social Care.
The carer has had to stay home with a 16yo with a tummy bug.

What happens?

It's not just your family member. It's the 22 other people that carer has on her list that day.

What do you suggest?

It’s is up to the care agency to have back up carers in the case of sickness and absence not me. The supervisor or manager can cover my shift. I have always put my children first.

She’s 16 not a toddler, if you stayed at home
to baby a near adult capable of looking after themselves, as your manager I would not be impressed. The 16 year old
is however a red herring. The decision should be based on wether the OP is sure to not pass on the d&v virus or not. 48 hours should have passed without incident for her to go to the meeting.

I'm not bragging in any way. I'm just making the point that not all 16 year olds need to be babied. I wouldn't have needed my parents around when I was sick at that age. Each child is different.

At 16 she will be fine.

A 16 year old is not a child, not an adult, but certainly not a child. In a couple of years they’ll be off all sorts of places on their own.

What’s better, a soft experience of being ill alone at home with a parent on call and due back in a few hours or far away from home at uni or travelling?

Social services/police wouldn’t even glance at a situation a 16 year old, home alone, went from mildly (as in not needing hospital)ill to needing hospital attention whilst a parent was out.

@Beezknees you don’t need to justify yourself to anyone. Certainly not someone whose perspective is so far out of whack.