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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I have a training tomorrow and my 16 dd has just been sick

175 replies

Pinktrousers2020 · 09/09/2023 03:47

She has d&v like I had the last couple of days. I have a training all day, what would you do ? Stay with her or go ? I was really sick with it at first. I don’t know what to do

OP posts:
Fififafa · 09/09/2023 09:52

Hibiscrubbed · 09/09/2023 09:35

I know you misread this but it really made me laugh thinking of a Mumsnet mummy who would arrange a childminder for a sick 16 year old. I bet there are a few out there…

Show quote history

There are at least one or two on this thread.

Yerroblemom1923 · 09/09/2023 09:52

She's 16, not 6 years old or 6 months, right?

Fififafa · 09/09/2023 09:54

Appleontherocks · 09/09/2023 09:37

I think it's reasonable to have another adult around when someone is sick. It doesn't matter that they're an adult themselves. Paying someone is a last resort for that.

😂

Appleontherocks · 09/09/2023 09:57

"There are at least one or two on this thread"

Yes I'm definitely one. I wouldn't put my job before my sick child and I cannot be fired for taking a few days off so I have some privilege there. I really doubt many of the people who would just leave their sick child actually work for minimal wage anyway.

It's a choice to put a salaried job before your kids. I certainly would not.

But this is why I work with so many young people who just feel like their parents don't give a shit about them and.just want them fully independent. They'd do anything for a bit of warmth and care from someone.. that's why they start to.gravitate towards abusers and abusive relationships.

I'd rather my kids know that their mum will be there if they need me and it isn't weak to need someone. Seems much healthier.

Hibiscrubbed · 09/09/2023 09:57

Fififafa · 09/09/2023 09:52

There are at least one or two on this thread.

Show quote history

There are aren’t there? If I was a chundering teen, and my mum walked with in with some stranger she’d employed to hover over me while I tried to vom and shit my life away, I’d have been mortified. 😂

Fififafa · 09/09/2023 09:59

Appleontherocks · 09/09/2023 09:57

"There are at least one or two on this thread"

Yes I'm definitely one. I wouldn't put my job before my sick child and I cannot be fired for taking a few days off so I have some privilege there. I really doubt many of the people who would just leave their sick child actually work for minimal wage anyway.

It's a choice to put a salaried job before your kids. I certainly would not.

But this is why I work with so many young people who just feel like their parents don't give a shit about them and.just want them fully independent. They'd do anything for a bit of warmth and care from someone.. that's why they start to.gravitate towards abusers and abusive relationships.

I'd rather my kids know that their mum will be there if they need me and it isn't weak to need someone. Seems much healthier.

Your “Mummy of the year award” is on it’s way.

Appleontherocks · 09/09/2023 10:00

@Fififafa

But I also came from a class and ethnic background where we die a lot from treatable illnesses so we do tend to try and look out for each other knowing the doctors won't take us seriously when we need them.

And as I said, I'd rather my child or any of my loved ones know I'd be there for them than my boss. It depends where you get your validation from I suppose. Some get it from family and friends. Others from being a model employee.

Appleontherocks · 09/09/2023 10:01

@Fififafa

I think being there for a sick minor is pretty basic stuff the social services look for when they're assessing whether you're a good enough parent to keep your kids. It's not mother of the year stuff. Sad and scary you'd think it is.

I guess a hot meal is spoiling them...

Fififafa · 09/09/2023 10:01

Hibiscrubbed · 09/09/2023 09:57

There are aren’t there? If I was a chundering teen, and my mum walked with in with some stranger she’d employed to hover over me while I tried to vom and shit my life away, I’d have been mortified. 😂

Show quote history

Honestly! I had to lol at that one. We are now in the realms of hiring babysitters to babysit adults.

Megifer · 09/09/2023 10:02

I'm not privileged enough to not realise that many who would leave their unwell child (if they can cope - there is a difference) probably are on min wage, or not have a job that lends itself to this sort of flexibility, hence having to make that decision.

And no kid is going to head towards an abusive relationship because their mum went on a course while they had the shits and were left watching Netflix for 6 hours. Behave ya self 🤣

Appleontherocks · 09/09/2023 10:04

"There are aren’t there? If I was a chundering teen, and my mum walked with in with some stranger she’d employedto hover over me while I tried to vom and shit my life away, I’d have been mortified. 😂"

If I had to go to work and my child was quite ill and therefore needed adult supervision, I'd pay someone if a family member of friend could not. That's just basic responsibility. If your child needs supervision and you or someone cannot for free, you pay someone. You don't just leave them alone..

Wow I can't believe I'm.having to explain this.

DoughnutDreams · 09/09/2023 10:04

Megifer · 09/09/2023 09:44

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/diarrhoea-and-vomiting/

NHS advice - speak to pharmacist who may recommend loperamide (Imodium) for a few hours

I've used it to stem the shits for a bit because its also crap having to decide if you shit yourself while vomiting or throw up on the toilet wall while shitting. No harm at all in suggesting this as an option for op.

I keep emesis bags in the bathroom, so no one needs to make this decision! (Available on Amazon).

Fififafa · 09/09/2023 10:06

@Appleontherocks “ I wouldn't put my job before my sick child “and suggesting that parents who would leave a sick NT 16 year old for 8hrs to go to work, somehow don’t care about their child? Well, what did you expect?

Fififafa · 09/09/2023 10:08

Megifer · 09/09/2023 10:02

I'm not privileged enough to not realise that many who would leave their unwell child (if they can cope - there is a difference) probably are on min wage, or not have a job that lends itself to this sort of flexibility, hence having to make that decision.

And no kid is going to head towards an abusive relationship because their mum went on a course while they had the shits and were left watching Netflix for 6 hours. Behave ya self 🤣

I know. Talk about neurotic!

Fififafa · 09/09/2023 10:09

Appleontherocks · 09/09/2023 10:00

@Fififafa

But I also came from a class and ethnic background where we die a lot from treatable illnesses so we do tend to try and look out for each other knowing the doctors won't take us seriously when we need them.

And as I said, I'd rather my child or any of my loved ones know I'd be there for them than my boss. It depends where you get your validation from I suppose. Some get it from family and friends. Others from being a model employee.

Projecting much?

Appleontherocks · 09/09/2023 10:10

"I'm not privileged enough to not realise that many who would leave their unwell child (if they can cope - there is a difference) probably are on min wage, or not have a job that lends itself to this sort of flexibility, hence having to make that decision.

And no kid is going to head towards an abusive relationship because their mum went on a course while they had the shits and were left watching Netflix for 6 hours. Behave ya self 🤣"

I work with a lot of kids, particularly of the middle and upper classes around gentrified London, who are doing exactly that. The trouble is they don't have the street smarts of their working class counterparts and are getting into some really tricky situations. Mostly because they feel like their parents are too busy focusing on stacking money to end their miserable marriage and flourishing on their careers.

I'm working with one 17 year Old atm whose parents are extremely wealthy and in excellent jobs. She's pregnant for a drug dealer on remand who is around her parent's age. She was arrested alongside him but has no charges against her. Her parents are devastated but she's cut them off because she says they've never done anything for her. She has no idea how to raise a baby or keep a home.. the baby will likely be taken into care but she's already fighting for her parents to not be assessed as carers because she says they were always crap.

So yeah I see this a lot. Your 16 year old is a child. Fuck your job.

Fififafa · 09/09/2023 10:11

Appleontherocks · 09/09/2023 10:01

@Fififafa

I think being there for a sick minor is pretty basic stuff the social services look for when they're assessing whether you're a good enough parent to keep your kids. It's not mother of the year stuff. Sad and scary you'd think it is.

I guess a hot meal is spoiling them...

Wow, I’ve really touched a nerve haven’t I? For(check notes) suggesting that a sick 16 year old can manage for 8 hours whilst mummy is out at work.

Appleontherocks · 09/09/2023 10:12

@Fififafa

Yes I'm projecting that my children matter more to me than my job. You should project that too before someone like me js helping your daughter find hostels she can bring her 45 year old "boyfriend"

Megifer · 09/09/2023 10:12

I'll order some of them actually (thinking about the time i used a bag that had holes in 🤢) but my point was also its kind of rubbish doing both anyway, especially at the start when you're getting over suddenly feeling awful.

Its usually for me a "see how you feel about it" situation. If it helps get through it to stem the shits for a few hours so i can just deal with the vomiting then ill take it, and its really helped tbf. Just an option for op tis all.

Appleontherocks · 09/09/2023 10:15

"Wow, I’ve really touched a nerve haven’t I? For(check notes) suggesting that a sick 16 year old can manage for 8 hours whilst mummy is out at work."

Yes I take the emotional neglect of children seriously. I have to
I'm the one who tries to help them when they get into trouble because they come from a home with parents either too focused on their vices, their relationships or their work. As my population becomes more gentrified, more and more of these rich but neglected children are requiring mental health and social support due to poor and neglectful parenting by parents who just want out

Fififafa · 09/09/2023 10:16

@Pinktrousers2020 You’d better not go to work, incase your daughter is impregnated by a drug dealer on remand who is around her parent's age

Megifer · 09/09/2023 10:20

"I'm working with one 17 year Old atm whose parents are extremely wealthy and in excellent jobs. She's pregnant for a drug dealer on remand who is around her parent's age. She was arrested alongside him but has no charges against her. Her parents are devastated but she's cut them off because she says they've never done anything for her. She has no idea how to raise a baby or keep a home.. the baby will likely be taken into care but she's already fighting for her parents to not be assessed as carers because she says they were always crap."

What on earth has that got to do with this situation? That sounds totally different if it wasn't total bollocks for the purposes of the thread

And no, social services wouldn't be interested in this. Go and have a lie down or something.

WotNoUserName · 09/09/2023 10:24

There's a lot of overdramatising on this thread!

How's she feeling? Is she able to move herself to the loo when she needs to, and to rehydrate etc?

If she is, and you're contactable by phone while at work then I'd say go in.

If she really can't move and needs help then no, stay at home.

If it were me as a 16 yo I'd have hated for anyone to be around while I was spilling out at both ends!

Hope she's over it soon.

ImustLearn2Cook · 09/09/2023 10:28

@Pinktrousers2020 If it’s possible could you contact the training facilitator and explain about the d&v and ask if it is possible to set up Microsoft teams.

Then you can still attend the training remotely.

If the training requires hands on learning then I get why it wouldn’t be possible. But if it’s just listening, reading, discussions, watching PowerPoint presentations etc. then it could be possible.

Hecate01 · 09/09/2023 11:03

Appleontherocks · 09/09/2023 10:12

@Fififafa

Yes I'm projecting that my children matter more to me than my job. You should project that too before someone like me js helping your daughter find hostels she can bring her 45 year old "boyfriend"

We can clearly see your children matter more than your job by the way you are giving examples of people you are currently working with. Clearly confidentiality passed you by.