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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I have a training tomorrow and my 16 dd has just been sick

175 replies

Pinktrousers2020 · 09/09/2023 03:47

She has d&v like I had the last couple of days. I have a training all day, what would you do ? Stay with her or go ? I was really sick with it at first. I don’t know what to do

OP posts:
avemariiiaa · 10/09/2023 21:01

I was staying at home by myself before 16 when I was too ill for school.

Make sure she has everything she needs, is comfortable in bed or on the sofa and check in with her every so often.

Do you have anyone that can go round and help her from a distance if she needed anything?

Original poster
Pinktrousers2020 · 10/09/2023 21:16

@Somanycats are you ok darling ? You don’t sound too good :(

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinktrousers2020 · 10/09/2023 21:18

I didn’t go because I still feel super tired and didn’t want to take the risk to contaminate people even if I had respected the 48 hours rules. As for dd, she was ok, she only got sick once and bounced back quickly compared to me.

OP posts:
capresesalad · 10/09/2023 21:33

I remember getting a really bad bug when I was around 16/17. Couldn't keep anything down, was really weak and felt absolutely awful. I can't remember all of it because I had such a fever but I'm sure my parents did leave me alone while they went to work. On the other hand, my mum stroked my hair, held my hand, watched films with me, washed my hair for me and just generally babied me a bit until I was better.

I wouldn't have wanted her to do anything silly like getting someone else to look after me but I was very sick and still needed someone to look after me. Even now as an adult sometimes my mum will get groceries delivered to me when I'm sick.

It's not childish or silly to want your mum when you're unwell, I think it's a very natural feeling

Cardboardcup · 10/09/2023 21:34

UndercoverCop · 09/09/2023 03:49

Who will have her while you're at training? Her dad/willing grandparent, still go. Nursery/childminder won't take her

She’s 16!

Mummydrama · 10/09/2023 22:06

16! Go to work! I'm sorry she's well old enough to take care of herself (unless youve been 'wrapping her in cotton wool' and shes clueless). You can Check In with her throughout the day but defo no need to stay with her. My daughter at 14 unless she was fainting/ blacking out or something more serious, I couldn't dream of telling my manager I had to look after my sick teen.

Labbingtons · 10/09/2023 22:19

Adreno · 10/09/2023 20:59

And we wonder why women of child-bearing age and with children are perceived as poor hires.

Nonsense. I’d have stayed home with DD in that situation. Equally DH would have done so. We are both professionals, working in firms that appreciate we out the hours in but have loved ones too.

I wouldn’t for a moment blame a colleague for being home with their unwell child and see a big enough picture not to label them a ‘poor hire’

1daughterand3sons · 10/09/2023 22:20

If my 16 year was sick I wouldn't take a day off work. I'd make sure they had what was needed and go to work.

Ohhoho · 11/09/2023 09:41

Stay with her. It’s more important than a training day.

T1Dmama · 11/09/2023 10:40

Adreno · 10/09/2023 20:59

And we wonder why women of child-bearing age and with children are perceived as poor hires.

Really?? Well I guess if the dads pulled their weight and took time off with younger kids it wouldn’t all be on women of ‘child bearing’ age!

and ‘we wonder’ why there’s still so much inequality !

T1Dmama · 11/09/2023 10:49

I’m glad you stayed home @Pinktrousers2020, I’m in my 40’s and when I’m really ill my mum still calls me to check I’m ok, at 16 I’d be more m worried she’d puke everywhere and not clean it up, so I’d want to be home too…. The ‘you can have a baby and get married at 16’ argument doesn’t really wash with me, being allowed to do something doesn’t mean you’re mature enough to!
my dads friend went off to work leaving his poorly son home, booked him a doctors appointment and arranged to meet him there, his son didn’t show up so he popped home to check on him… he’d died!…. He only had a stomach ache, nothing serious enough for the parents to call in sick or rush him to hospital!…. Or so they thought…

Appleontherocks · 11/09/2023 10:57

"A shame you don't appear to take client confidentiality seriously"

I've worked with hundreds of clients with similar stories. It's not something you see just one time. We're just having more children from higher socio-economic classes these days

Appleontherocks · 11/09/2023 11:02

"and suggesting that parents who would leave a sick NT 16 year old for 8hrs to go to work, somehow don’t care about their child? Well, what did you expect?"

They don't. They care about validation from an employer over their child. If that's hard to hear, don't be that person :-)

JockTamsonsBairns · 11/09/2023 11:10

Appleontherocks · 11/09/2023 11:02

"and suggesting that parents who would leave a sick NT 16 year old for 8hrs to go to work, somehow don’t care about their child? Well, what did you expect?"

They don't. They care about validation from an employer over their child. If that's hard to hear, don't be that person :-)

This is really upsetting to read. I'm a care worker on NMW and a zero hours contract. I would need to go to work if my teens were sick.
Nothing to do with emotional neglect, validation from my employer, or any of the other thoughtless descriptions you've bandied around on this thread.

Quite a lot to do with wanting to keep a roof over our heads and buy food.

Have a think before you type.

Appleontherocks · 11/09/2023 11:29

"This is really upsetting to read. I'm a care worker on NMW and a zero hours contract. I would need to go to work if my teens were sick.
Nothing to do with emotional neglect, validation from my employer, or any of the other thoughtless descriptions you've bandied around on this thread.

Quite a lot to do with wanting to keep a roof over our heads and buy food.

Have a think before you type."

Most of the people who would leave their "adult" 16 year old un this thread are definitely not on minimal wage and are in salaried positions. I said this earlier.

Honestly? The people on minimal wage are far more likely to risk their job or do whatever they can to have someone with the sick child. They fear accusations of neglect far more than those in more privileged positions. If they had to do it, it would be reluctantly and they'd worry the whole day

Cornettoninja · 11/09/2023 12:28

Appleontherocks · 11/09/2023 11:02

"and suggesting that parents who would leave a sick NT 16 year old for 8hrs to go to work, somehow don’t care about their child? Well, what did you expect?"

They don't. They care about validation from an employer over their child. If that's hard to hear, don't be that person :-)

The primary motivator for people going to work isn’t validation….

HamBone · 11/09/2023 13:44

Appleontherocks · 11/09/2023 11:02

"and suggesting that parents who would leave a sick NT 16 year old for 8hrs to go to work, somehow don’t care about their child? Well, what did you expect?"

They don't. They care about validation from an employer over their child. If that's hard to hear, don't be that person :-)

Surely it also depends on the child, @Appleontherocks ? My DD (18) would’ve been fine on her own at 16, because she’s always been exceptionally independent; DS (14 so not there yet) def. not, he’s a more anxious personality.

Appleontherocks · 11/09/2023 16:19

"Surely it also depends on the child, @Appleontherocks? My DD (18) would’ve been fine on her own at 16, because she’s always been exceptionally independent; DS (14 so not there yet) def. not, he’s a more anxious personality."

It depends on how sick they are. A child is a child. If you came home to a severely ill or worse child, they're not going to be investigating how independent they are for a 16 year old, they're going to be determining if a responsible parent would leave a young person who has the symptoms that they did without supervision. They're not going to be asking if she can use a washing machine and go into town alone. They'll be asking how many times she vomited before you decided she was fine to be alone.

She's 16. A child.

DonnaTellMeThis · 11/09/2023 16:22

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Beezknees · 11/09/2023 16:59

capresesalad · 10/09/2023 21:33

I remember getting a really bad bug when I was around 16/17. Couldn't keep anything down, was really weak and felt absolutely awful. I can't remember all of it because I had such a fever but I'm sure my parents did leave me alone while they went to work. On the other hand, my mum stroked my hair, held my hand, watched films with me, washed my hair for me and just generally babied me a bit until I was better.

I wouldn't have wanted her to do anything silly like getting someone else to look after me but I was very sick and still needed someone to look after me. Even now as an adult sometimes my mum will get groceries delivered to me when I'm sick.

It's not childish or silly to want your mum when you're unwell, I think it's a very natural feeling

When I was 17 I was pregnant and not living with my parents. Depends on what kind of child you are.

HateLongCovid · 11/09/2023 17:51

Pinktrousers2020 · 10/09/2023 20:51

I didn’t go ! I stayed with dd

Good for you. Well done! 💐

HateLongCovid · 11/09/2023 17:53

Somanycats · 10/09/2023 20:58

How embarrassing for you both. I hope you didn't tell work or anyone she knows.

Eh? What's embarrassing. Everyone gets sick sometimes. Very weird comment. Confused

HateLongCovid · 11/09/2023 17:54

capresesalad · 10/09/2023 21:33

I remember getting a really bad bug when I was around 16/17. Couldn't keep anything down, was really weak and felt absolutely awful. I can't remember all of it because I had such a fever but I'm sure my parents did leave me alone while they went to work. On the other hand, my mum stroked my hair, held my hand, watched films with me, washed my hair for me and just generally babied me a bit until I was better.

I wouldn't have wanted her to do anything silly like getting someone else to look after me but I was very sick and still needed someone to look after me. Even now as an adult sometimes my mum will get groceries delivered to me when I'm sick.

It's not childish or silly to want your mum when you're unwell, I think it's a very natural feeling

Well said!

Appleontherocks · 11/09/2023 18:38

"The primary motivator for people going to work isn’t validation…."

It is when you're in a salaried position and choose to go in over lok after your child.

Appleontherocks · 11/09/2023 18:39

"When I was 17 I was pregnant and not living with my parents. Depends on what kind of child you are."

Probably because your parents didn't give you enough time to be a child so you were out trying to play house way before you had the skills to do so. This isn't something to brag about. Really. You're why people need to stop seeing their teens as adults.