What would your thoughts be if you received this text message?

[Cantsleep1234]

For context I have been messaging this person and sometimes I don’t reply quickly due to working or other things and this is what he says. Top message supposed to say ‘at messaging’ I’m guessing..I’m mid twenties and he is mid thirties.

He’s mid thirties and not married with kids - there’s a reason for that and it’s clearly not due to him focusing on his career!

Run for the hills on the basis of the grammar and spelling alone.

You rightly have misgivings about this person. There are obvious red flags. Just move right along.

😂😂😂😂

He'd be gone on the spelling and grammar alone

You’re not seriously interested in him are you? Embarrassing.

He's doing a "Schrödinger's creep" message...basically something that is over the line but not by too much, to ramp up the sexual stuff but still have plausable deniability, in other words, he's doing a test. So if you say:

• something flirty back: he's delighted and will do it more;
• something shutting it down: he'll suddenly be mister civil "oh yeah you're right sorry didn't mean anything by that gosh yeah" and keep talking to you, most likely about innane casual things with lots of smiley faces to show what a good guy he is. Or he'll play the victim with lots of hurt feelings about how you could think that about him he was only joking etc etc etc.

He'll have learnt that from some Andrew Tate-esque BS 'woman manual' or something. I've had plenty of experience in my day with guys like that - drop him and move on!!!

Well, he had me at 'your'! 😉

I’d say see ya if that’s how he texts in his thirties. Sorry

Yes, the cries of “he might be dyslexic!” are irrelevant. Dating is not an equal-opportunity area. It’s not a requirement to “give him a chaaance” (which would sou d like the sort of rubbish men’s rigjters spout). The bloke shows himself as an immature creep. The spelling is merely part of that and the reason is immaterial.

Exactly!!

Smak bum? Christ, he needs a smack round the head with a dictionary.

I'd make my excuses and leave

Apart from the utter creepiness of his messages and illiteracy the fact he felt the need to message you 40 odd minutes afterwards when you didn't reply smacks of desperation and to be quite frank with pick up lines like that he will never see another vagina again. Its just gross please send him the link to this whole thread and maybe he will realise the error of his penile driven ways.

That they should be blocked.

Wow you've had so many replies and ao much to take in! I'm going against the majority here as I don't see any huge warning signs. Obviously I haven't seen the rest of your conversations with him so I can't say 100%, but it could be innocent.

Yes the spelling is dreadful, but the last time I checked this had no indication as to someone's character. Could just struggle with spellings, could be dyslexic, but my point remains - you can't judge someone's character on their ability to spell.

Age gaps at your age (within reason! imo 20+ years can be a bit odd) can be common and produce incredible relationships! My Mum started dating my Step-Dad probably in her early 20s (knew him long before - he ran the company she worked for!). My Step-Dad was in his early 30s, there's 11 years between them. They've now been happily together for 30 odd years, had my Brother, and married 7 years ago (yes it took him a while to get down on one knee 😂). I just don't see this age gap as a problem unless of course it starts to create problems for you.

Messaging you saying you're not very good at messaging, and sending a second message before you've replied to the first, could be an indication that he is controlling. On the other hand, he might just really like you and be showing you that by essentially pointing out he wants to speak to you more. I've sent the exact same message many times in the past and the driving force was the very reason I've mentioned above. If someone branded me as controlling after saying something so equivocal, I would be really hurt by that as I'm the least bit controlling. Again, playing devil's adcocate, I haven't seen or heard all the messages/conversations. If you feel there are red flags elsewhere with him that would (alongside this) lead you to think there's controlling behaviour involved, then just use your judgement on whether to continue getting to know him.

Aa for the smacking bum remark (ignoring the grammar for the above reasons), maybe he's just flirty? Maybe he's into the whole dominant/submissive side of things. So many intimate relationships use spanking, from a light touch right the way through to masochism and sadism. These people aren't branded as disgusting, controlling etc etc. We are all adults at the end of the day! What he has said could just be on the playful side of things. Again, it's all in context. If he's constantly displaying red flags in this area, or you're simply not comfortable with it, then you have every right to shut it down or walk away.

I think a lot of these comments are being very judgemental. I'd like to think (particularly with the high media coverage lately about #BeKind), that such harsh conclusions wouldn't be jumped to based on such a small snippet of information. Maybe a lot of the driving forces for the comments on this post are past experience. As I've said throughout, yes these could be indicators that this person is controlling and all the other assumptions that have been made, but I just don't think there's enough in this screenshot alone to conclude any of it.

Ultimately it's about how you feel about it all. If you feel good about potentially finding someone that simply has poor spelling for whatever innocuous reason, will show you he's thinking about you/misses talking to you, and is kinky in the bedroom, then maybe there's nothing to worry about! But if you think that he is displaying controlling and harmful tendencies and is making you uncomfortable, then block and move on to the next one 😊

I'm sure you'll make the right decision. Wishing you luck in the minefield that is called dating!

xx

@Cantsleep1234

utter idiot

tell him that was completely inappropriate then
ditch block move on

by putting lol at the end he knows it too

or you reply with out calling him out and say

« yes I am such a naughty little girl I do need correcting by you master’

in other words if you do reply with out telling him you are effectively agreeing with the above statement

I could forgive the spelling as dyslexic/drunk but take out the word 'bum' from the second text and you have a pretty worrying text..... Definitely sets alarm bells ringing for me.

If he's trying to be humorous, it's not funny.
If he's trying to be sexy, it's very immature.
I wouldn't like to get this message, it would give me red flags.

Please let us know when you've ended things with this walking red flag OP

@Hare95
You are right, on reflection there is a chance that he could be a decent man.
Maybe just very awkward and possibly not very educated but it's not enough to draw a definite conclusion from a short text message.

Really horrible reading some of these comments about him being 'thick' or 'illiterate'. My lovely little nephew is severely dyslexic and I feel so sad for him when I read this kind of thing.

But I agree, I'd get the ick, not for the spelling but for the content.

Doesn't matter whether he's being misunderstood. All that matters is how OP feels and if it makes her feel uncomfortable then she should back away.
Women get told again and again to make excuses for shitty male behaviour. And then end up in relationships with shitty men because of it.
How about raising the bar on what is acceptable behaviour instead of lowering it to include the shit ones.

He knew what he was doing, the lol at the end is his get out card.
The 'smak bum lol' comment was a shot across the bows. He doesn't like to be made to wait for a response and is letting you know it, but in such a way he can backtrack and claim it was a joke if you challenge it.

Dyslexia can be mild to severe. One of my best friends has severe dyslexia and he makes a lot of spelling mistakes in his texts and spells some words phonetically. He has though just got a 2.1 in his degree though so he's not 'thick'.

Are you saying people with dyslexia are less intelligent? Because that's BS. You can be a genius and be dyslexic, it's got no bearing on your intellect.