School bans ALL physical contact

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The parents haven't been informed by the school of this rule, but the kids have been told they will get a warning for the first transgression and then a detention is it happens again. No physical contact at all permitted. How are they going to enforce it and is this the case is any other school (from a quick Google I found that a school in Essex has done this) and AIBU to think it's ridiculous? I have 2 DCs in this school so it will affect them.

I remember a happy childhood of hugging, holding hands, play fighting etc. Schools are slowly trying to dehumanise children. My DD has school anxiety and her best friend holds her hand sometimes, last term the teacher told them not to hold hands but it was the same teacher who hits her hand on the table when she gets frustrated and tells the children to shut up. Schools are becoming institutional. I am going to homeschool soon and seeing these threads makes me realise I am doing the right thing. Children are not robots and nor should they be treated as such. Schools can’t even deal with bullying effectively so how they’re going to police the no contact ban is baffling.

Jesus, you really need to reread what I wrote. I don't hate all men, or even most men but I do hate men that hate women, of which there are many. And if the ones that are a threat to women were all.locked up I wouldn't shed a single tear. If your son doesn't know how to behave appropriately around girls and women then I suggest you do something about it rather than using all your emotional energy up feeling sorry for some random on the internet. 🙄

Part of your tactic in trying to justify/
normalise this completely bizarre, disproportionate and draconian measure, is your insistence that this is a perfectly ordinary school rule, just part of the culture, the way things are in the majority of schools, has been for time; nothing to see here…

It’s lazy on the schools part.
Rather than work on appropriate boundaries and put effort into shaping rounded dc during difficult formative years they’ve chosen a blanket rule as a cop out.

OMG there are some people on this thread for whom the phrase "precious snowflake" doesn't even begin to cover it!

I have been a teacher for 35 years. Lots of things have changed in that time

One of the most striking is the total lack of resilience in some children.

If I had been told 35 years ago that in 2023 I would be speaking to parents online who actually thought their children could not cope with 7 hours without physical contact, and not only that, but thought their children were entitled not to have to!!

I would have said - well the world might go mad in the future, but surely not THAT mad,

Try and join with a few of the other parents and start a formal complaint , go above the head if needed . This is not just ridiculous, it’s actually extremely detrimental to them

attitudes like like yours are part of the reason that rates of teen suicide and self harm have never been higher.
https://amp.theguardian.com/society/2022/may/22/evidence-of-uks-child-mental-health-crisis-is-stark-and-compelling

Surely part of growing up is to learn how to judge when physical contact is appropriate and welcome? IRL we sometimes have physical contact with our friends and the people we're around and we have to make judgements as to when it's welcome/consensual and when it's not. A blanket ban means that children are missing out on learning about these nuances in relationships.

I would be a lot more surprised that a supposedly teacher thinks it’s ok for kids not to have physical contact and doesn’t realise how detrimental to their mental and physical well-being that is ! Clearly you worry very little about your students

@TotalOverhaul I think you have absolutely no clue about the severity of behaviour problems in schools at the moment if you think a little bit of tumbling around is nothing.
I'm sorry but this is a perfectly reasonable policy and most schools have it. The OP doesn't even have a copy of the policy and they're already moaning which says a lot about their attitude.

More blunt measures by stressed, under-resourced schools.

Young people will never learn what is appropriate if all contact is banned.

I'm seeing visions of 1950s proms with teachers with rulers measuring the distance between couples dancing.

Be great if children were given better tools when young around bodily autonomy and everyone was taught about consent.

This won't stop fighting or bullying or inappropriate sexual contact because that is already not allowed.

I leave any school that has this rule. It's inhumane. How it is carried out differs between schools but the rule is generally no touching at all.

I once suggested the staff spend half of an INSET day adhering to the rigid school rules of the academy. Within 20 mins, a staff member had left and the rest refused to follow any sanctions for their repeated transgressions. The Head said it's because their adults and children need to get used to such control because of their chaotic and poverty stricken backgrounds.

Yes I agree it's a good thing. The only physical contact I got at school was the thumps from bullies so a good thing in my view. Also good life lesson that disputes and arguments need to be resolved without resorting to pushing/shoving etc. Hopefully the end of school physical bullying.

I'd be horrified at this. Friendly, consensual physical contact is natural human behaviour and hugely important for mental health and resilience especially when you're going through something difficult or stressful.

We're humans, not machines. It's actually horrible to try and stamp natural and healthy behaviour out of children.

Wow, I'm trying to fathom how 11-16 year old me and cohorts would have coped with this rule as we walked everywhere with arms linked.

There are some teachers who just don’t have the skills and understanding to work with young people. Thankfully I think it’s much less than when I was at school. I look back and realise that some were bullies, openly racist, had a violent temper etc. I think that’s why it’s important that school rules like this are not just made up by a very small team of SLT. Nobody else gets away with not involving all stakeholders which in this case would be students, parents, mental health services, pastoral services, SEN services..

@BorrowedThyme , you sound like you're more suited to being a prison warden than a school teacher.

There does seem to be drive in some secondary schools in this country to achieve order and conformity at all costs...in particular, at the cost of ending up with a punitive, sterile, emotionally vacuous, depersonalised, infantilising school environment, where children are punished harshly for minor infractions such as forgetting a pen or taking off a jumper without permission.

I find it odd because primary schools on the whole do such a fantastic job of nurturing children and gently encouraging them to take on more responsibility and meet their own needs. And then they get to 11 and suddenly they don't need care and nurturing any more, apparently.

I grew up in continental Europe and as teens we hold hands , kissed , jumped on each others backs , sat on each others laps , danced , etc etc etc , all that is normal in my view . Non consensual touching is never ok , no matter who from . Banning all contact will not help anyone learn what is right or wrong ! The world has gone bonkers . Kids in the U.K. are already so restricted with out of date uniforms rules , not being able to express themselves with a different hair colour or nail vanish etc . No wonder there is so much bullying and mental health issues . Let kids be kids , let them be heard , you will probably get much better behaviour from teens who have a voice than the ones you are constantly trying to dominate and control !

Sadly it doesn't seem that surprising after the attitudes expressed during the pandemic that totally dismissed the importance of social and physical contact as if these things were just frivolous hobbies rather than central to our wellbeing.

So if parents have not been officially informed by the school how do you know that it's true?

I’m pretty sure that students who want to physically or sexually abuse others are not going to do it whilst school staff are looking on. They’re very sneaky so what is this actually going to achieve anyway?

❤️

It’s lazy on the schools part.
Rather than work on appropriate boundaries and put effort into shaping rounded dc during difficult formative years they’ve chosen a blanket rule as a cop out.

Is stroking arms and legs ok?

I remember doing this regularly as a child with my friends but some may feel it’s inappropriate now.

As a parent I would not be happy with some random 16/17 year old boys regularly hugging or touching my 11 year old DD.

Just because the actual act isn’t inappropriate, doesn’t mean it doesn’t always have inappropriate meaning behind it.

If you’re on duty with 100 students and you see a couple of groups of students hugging and touching and then one claims to be touched inappropriately, you cannot guarantee that they weren’t.

There has obviously been an accusation which is why there has been a blanket ban.

If you see a student looking uncomfortable because their friend keeps touching them you just remind them that there is no touching.

If it’s harmless touching or hugging then you wouldn’t say anything.

It’s not lazy, it’s about safeguarding children which is way more important.

When this came out earlier this year, I was surprised that only two schools were cited as having this rule. It's been a thing in at least 5 schools I've worked with or in.

One of the schools I worked in had it in their behaviour policy until they were very recently given an OFSTED for the first time in 12 years. They went from Outstanding to Good. However, they still sanction children for consensual physical contact. Particularly kids where they want to increase their "sanction points" to justify exclusion.

They know that a child who already has social, learning and/or behavioural issues is likely to vigorously defend themselves from such an unfair move by someone in authority. It turns from a minor wanring to exclusion very quickly.