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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

School bans ALL physical contact

262 replies

DataColour · 07/09/2023 09:48

The parents haven't been informed by the school of this rule, but the kids have been told they will get a warning for the first transgression and then a detention is it happens again. No physical contact at all permitted. How are they going to enforce it and is this the case is any other school (from a quick Google I found that a school in Essex has done this) and AIBU to think it's ridiculous? I have 2 DCs in this school so it will affect them.

OP posts:
VeridicalVagabond · 07/09/2023 10:31

CalistoNoSolo · 07/09/2023 10:16

If it stops girls being sexually assaulted by boys I'm all for it.

If banning sexual assault was enough to stop it happening no one would ever get sexually assaulted as it is, in fact, illegal.

Stopping kids from high fiving or hugging their friends is not going to stop sexual assaults from happening.

BorrowedThyme · 07/09/2023 10:32

CharlotteBog · 07/09/2023 10:25

That's what I mean though, no football at lunch time?

There is very little football at lunch time, as there is very little space for it. There is a rota but only one form at a time has a turn on the muga - and it is supervised, so yes, I suppose that counts as supervised sport with contact - the other forms in other places have no contact during break and lunch time.

It isn't really an issue - if I see physical contact I give a warning, and if I see it again I give a negative house point - no one ever disputes it, or argues

I've worked in schools without this rule, and a huge amount of time is wasted unravelling playfights, ( and playfights are the main issue, not boys touching girls, although this can be an issue too)

In one school I worked in, this rule was introduced after complaints that the culture of kissing and hugging between girls was non consensual, and being used to intimidate - it was, but not by all girls. The girls who enjoyed the kissing and hugging were upset at the new rule and it was hard work to impose at first, but within a few months it had become the norm ,and of course for new students entering in year 7, they didn't know any different.

That is the only time I have ever known such a rule be an issue - and even then I think it was more about the way it was imposed, rather than the rule itself

TheTurn0fTheScrew · 07/09/2023 10:33

It's not a new thing. When I was at school there was Smithers' Six-Inch Rule (nicknamed for the headteacher who instigated it), which was the amount of space required between pupils at all times. In reality no-one was disciplined for a matey hug or a friendly arm rub, but it prevented bullies and gropers from claiming consent. It also stopped couples snogging in the corridors, which was always grim even if consensual.

Tandora · 07/09/2023 10:34

How on earth are children meant to learn about appropriate physical contact if they are not allowed to touch anyone

100% this!!

BorrowedThyme · 07/09/2023 10:35

Tandora · 07/09/2023 10:34

How on earth are children meant to learn about appropriate physical contact if they are not allowed to touch anyone

100% this!!

outside of school

Tandora · 07/09/2023 10:36

BorrowedThyme · 07/09/2023 10:35

outside of school

No thanks: children are supposed to spend a significant part of their day in school: this is tantamount to abusive and you should be ashamed for sanctioning it.

BorrowedThyme · 07/09/2023 10:39

Tandora · 07/09/2023 10:36

No thanks: children are supposed to spend a significant part of their day in school: this is tantamount to abusive and you should be ashamed for sanctioning it.

rubbish, children spend less than a quarter of their waking hours in school and if you think it is abusive, then you seriously have no idea of the meaning of the word

I suspect you are one of those parents who does not believe in rules and discipline - and THAT is what I would call abusive.

Whatswhatwhichiswhich · 07/09/2023 10:40

Batshittery at its finest, someone needs to investigate what’s going on here. Power hungry crazy head teachers.

Dilapidateddilapidate · 07/09/2023 10:40

My school did this 20 odd years ago- interestingly it was overturned about 2 weeks later when the RE department kicked up a fuss and said we are a Christian school, the children should be allowed to hug each other as a sign of support and friendship 🤷‍♀️. The usual rule of ‘no fighting and no snogging’ was reinstated.

Tandora · 07/09/2023 10:40

BorrowedThyme · 07/09/2023 10:39

rubbish, children spend less than a quarter of their waking hours in school and if you think it is abusive, then you seriously have no idea of the meaning of the word

I suspect you are one of those parents who does not believe in rules and discipline - and THAT is what I would call abusive.

You are honestly a joke. Banning physical contact is dehumanising: a quarter of their waking hours is a HUGE amount of their life. It is disgusting, schools are not prisons. You sound awful and shouldn’t be near a school frankly.

BorrowedThyme · 07/09/2023 10:42

Tandora · 07/09/2023 10:40

You are honestly a joke. Banning physical contact is dehumanising: a quarter of their waking hours is a HUGE amount of their life. It is disgusting, schools are not prisons. You sound awful and shouldn’t be near a school frankly.

You are making a huge issue out of a common rule which is in place for the good of everyone' education.

greenacrylicpaint · 07/09/2023 10:42

at all?
or in hallways during class change breaks?

first would be unreasonable.
second very sensible.

Tandora · 07/09/2023 10:43

BorrowedThyme · 07/09/2023 10:42

You are making a huge issue out of a common rule which is in place for the good of everyone' education.

No : this is a matter of wellbeing and physical and mental health which could not be more important for teenagers in this day and age.

BorrowedThyme · 07/09/2023 10:44

If you are not going to support school rules, please withdraw your children and find another place for them! Honestly - if you repeatedly support them in breaking the rules then either they will have to leave anyway,( and it will be on their CV for life) or they will decide the school is being more reasonable than you are and you will permanently rupture your relationship with them. When parents continue to undermine the school, one or the other is the most likely result

Dotjones · 07/09/2023 10:45

We had a "six inch rule" at our school as well, you weren't meant to get within six inches of a member of the opposite sex. (Back in the 90s when there were just boys and girls and everyone at school was outwardly heterosexual.)

I think the no touching rule is fair enough, it's a good way of clamping down on harassment or bullying because the perpetrator is committing a breach of the rule so can be punished regardless of whether there's enough evidence to support punishing them for the more serious offence.

Generally in adult life unwelcome physical contact is not seen as acceptable either, I don't see why it needs to be different in school.

BorrowedThyme · 07/09/2023 10:45

Tandora · 07/09/2023 10:43

No : this is a matter of wellbeing and physical and mental health which could not be more important for teenagers in this day and age.

The no contact rule does not have a negative impact on mental health - that is completely bonkers!!

NOT having a no contact rule might have a negative impact on physical and mental health though!

sezzer87 · 07/09/2023 10:46

Secondary schools are like prisons these days.
My daughters school has removed toilet entrance doors, made them gender neutral. Painted the colourful walls grey, added extra high fencing with extra gates everywhere. Cctv in the bathrooms too. There's also a one way system and they've taken 15 minutes off lunchtime and removed one of the canteens so now when my daughter wants to eat lunch from school she has to run to the canteen and fight for the last bits of food. So much more I could add to this as well.

Tandora · 07/09/2023 10:46

BorrowedThyme · 07/09/2023 10:44

If you are not going to support school rules, please withdraw your children and find another place for them! Honestly - if you repeatedly support them in breaking the rules then either they will have to leave anyway,( and it will be on their CV for life) or they will decide the school is being more reasonable than you are and you will permanently rupture your relationship with them. When parents continue to undermine the school, one or the other is the most likely result

I don’t support any rules, school or otherwise, that dehumanise children or degrade their physical and mental wellbeing. Nor should anyone.

CharlotteBog · 07/09/2023 10:47

There is very little football at lunch time, as there is very little space for it. There is a rota but only one form at a time has a turn on the muga - and it is supervised, so yes, I suppose that counts as supervised sport with contact - the other forms in other places have no contact during break and lunch time.

I don't want to keep "quoting" whole responses, they're getting long.

@BorrowedThyme do you work in a Primary school? What you're describing (little space, rota, supervised) sounds more like what happened in my sons' Primary school, but not how it is in his Secondary school.

My 14 yo son plays football every lunch time during the fine weather months (during the rotten weather when they can't use the playing field they're restricted to the 3G which does have a rota and is more supervised (more to check they're using the right footwear I think). It would be really tough for him to be told no more lunch time football.

TheWonderSpot · 07/09/2023 10:47

I have never worked in a workplace where physical contact is banned. How odd.

CharlotteBog · 07/09/2023 10:48

The no contact rule does not have a negative impact on mental health - that is completely bonkers!!

I think we can all say that not being able to touch people outside of our family or bubble during covid times definitely DID impact people's mental health.

Clarefromwork · 07/09/2023 10:49

BorrowedThyme · 07/09/2023 09:58

It been the same in many schools I have taught in, including the one I teach in now - so much better and safer for everyone - no playfighting, etc, no excuse of "we were only playfighting" when someone is hurt - and its the same in most workplaces, isn't it, so good preparation

If you teach children and can’t see that this is wrong, that’s very worrying.

BorrowedThyme · 07/09/2023 10:49

Tandora · 07/09/2023 10:46

I don’t support any rules, school or otherwise, that dehumanise children or degrade their physical and mental wellbeing. Nor should anyone.

You are being completely hysterical and irrational. There is nothing degrading or dehumanising about this rule.

Possibly some pupils would prefer the rule wasn't there - welcome to the real world!

Mariposista · 07/09/2023 10:50

This is crazy - kids need to be taught about what sort of physical contact is appropriate and what is not!
For example groping someone, pinging a bra strap or throwing a punch would be out of order. But hugging an upset friend, offering someone a hand if they have fallen over, high living them for getting top marks in a test or making the football team - all great and healthy!

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