Aibu for wanting to speak to HR regarding a smelly colleague?

[Pianoplayer190]

Long story short, I have a colleague who has worked with us for years but has an awful smell.

Unfortunately her body odour is overwhelming and makes me feel very nauseous. I’m very sensitive to bad smells and I get a waft of the bad smell because she’s placed herself directly next to me.

Shes morbidly obese. We have quite a few larger colleagues that work with us but they never have an odour. I’m just really struggling to get through my day without walking up to HR and saying there’s an issue.

Ive not said a word to other people as effectively that’s just me being vile then. But I need to share the issue because I’m struggling to get through my day. I can’t move office space or desk.

The smell is like faecal matter, a period pad left in the sun and a wet mop. That’s all I can say and I’m really and truly suffering. I heaved at lunch today while eating.

AIBU if I complain.

It's ridiculous, isn't it? Any allusion to straightforward facts that people don't like to hear is now classed as shaming, and people who aren't even the subject of it will virtue signal loudly and angrily.
It's quite something to see.

I would definitely complain to HR.

That just isn’t true. I know someone who is on the extreme end of morbidly obese and he does hold down a job (with great difficulty and a lot of pain) but lives alone and has significant mobility problems, he is absolutely not able to take care of himself or his house properly. It’s really sad and he’s fairly matter of fact about expecting to die before or not long after he reaches his much awaited pension age which is hard to disagree with, looking at him. Lots of people remain in employment they struggle with significantly because of some health issue or another.

I am pretty good at cleaning myself in the shower but after reading this thread I've cleaned in between my toes and gave my feet a scrub, something I never normally do as yes I'm one of those people that think water and soap is running over them....Well i did it this morning and I feel so much fresher and my feet feel lovely.

One day you might be glad of HR...!!! We loathe shirkers who try to pass the buck. Why is it so difficult for you to comprehend that, in keeping the business on the right side of the law, we're actually also protecting you???!!

THIS IS NOT THE ROLE OF HR!!!! Yes, sure, we will advise the manager on how to deal with it, but THIS IS NOT FOR HR TO SORT OUT!!!

Managers need to do what they are paid for - fucking MANAGE!!!! People massively fail to comprehend what the actual function of HR is - which is to ADVISE managers on how to do their bloody job!

Ha exactly. HR is not there to do things instead of the line manager. Companies can theoretically get by without HR. A good HR function will coach and advise managers (and yes, this includes managing risk by making sure the MANAGER does the thing, and properly). If HR meant ‘all difficult stuff is handled here’ no one would do the job, and managers wouldn’t be managers.

This

@Appleofmyeye2023 thank you for your sensitive and practical post. That info about schizophrenia blew my mind! I knew that some dog breeds can 'smell' certain medical conditions but I did not know some humans could detect too. Nature is so full of surprises.

This is not a HR issue, it's a line management problem. HR are not the go to for all the shitty jobs that managers don't want to do.

More sweat = more odour.

Are you an office worker ? Maybe you could request working from home as an option ?

It was fecal matter left in a sweaty and unwashed bum crack.

There's an entire topic on TikTok where it was discovered that many men do not wash that part but just hope that water running down their back will do the work.

I was On the train once 15 years ago. The woman opposite me was delightfully friendly, beautiful and morbidly obese. She was fanning herself and was red hot and sweating. It took me a moment to realise the body odour was from her. You couldn’t mistake it and you have described it perfectly. It’s the smell of rotting flesh. It’s bacteria and sweat that hasn’t been washed for days. Obese people need to wash their folds especially under the stomach, between thighs and armpits and behind neck. I’m a Nurse I have come across this before but the heat that day made it a horrific experience. People around us looked ill and we tried desperately to open windows. The train was
packed but the smell was coming from
her and people were looking in her direction. I got off three stops early and waited 2 hours for the next train. I’ll never forget that smell I was retching by the end.

There was absolutely no need whatsoever to reference her size.

She smells unpleasant. That was all the information necessary.

I thought OP mentioned her size because if she does say something it could be perceived as fat shaming?

Definitely don't leave deodorant etc on her desk!
She could have a health issue?
But you do need to contact HR if management aren't doing anything.

You don’t have to be morbidly obese to have folds of flesh, but carrying extra weight does bring issues. I know, because I’m overweight, old, and after a couple of surgeries have a very saggy tummy. In very hot weather, I can get quite sweaty in that fold. I shower in the morning, and wash that area carefully, make sure its bone dry, then use medicated talc. Most of the time its fine, but in extreme heat, I’ll wash that area again, with a flannel if I’m at home, or I carry body wipes if I’m out. I’m conscious that I would smell if I didn’t. It puzzles me that someone wouldn’t be aware of their own body.

There seems to be a lot of posters suggesting that weight is nothing to do with poor hygiene. Actually, weight can be everything to do with poor hygiene.

Different people carry their weight differently. Someone who carries a lot of abdominal fat, may have an abdominal pannus (also known as an “apron”) which is when the abdomen “overhangs” or hangs down. The person in question may not be lifting the pannus up and washing it effectively, or may not realise they can apply antiperspirant under the pannus (and also under the breasts and along the “bikini” area), they may have an extremely overhanging mons pubis and thus be unable to wash their genitalia properly, they may not know that applying glycolic acid to those same areas and leaving it on overnight (best to do this at weekends for reasons I will outline in a second) effectively kills the bacteria which lives on the skin and causes sweat to smell, and lastly, a lot people don’t realise that antiperspirant should be applied in the evening because the way it works means it has to dry completely to be effective and because antiperspirant works by superficially “plugging” the pores, thus stopping the feedback mechanism that tells your body to produce sweat in the area where the antiperspirant has been applied.

Deodorant is not the same as antiperspirant. Antiperspirant stops you sweating, deodorant makes you smell nice. Showering quickly to feel refreshed when you wake up, will not wash the antiperspirant off, unless you’re scrubbing away, which you shouldn’t need too!

So, yes, morbidly obese people may not be able to wash themselves effectively because of problems of reach, inability to lift an extremely heavy pannus, an overhanging mons pubis or some other reason! A more slender person may have a smaller pannus through childbearing and not realise they should lift the pannus because, like feet, they figure it’s not a problem.

I would add that whilst a super fit person might not have the pannus/mons pubis problem, I have worked with people that have smelt less then desirable, been slender, but just don’t realise they smell, for whatever reason.

Food can also play a huge role in how your sweat may smell, especially foods that belong to the Allium family.

As pp have pointed out, it's a possible cause.

What is your issue, exactly; telling posters how much information is "necessary" in their posts?
That's not for you to dictate, thanks all the same. If it's touched a nerve with you, that's not op's problem.

I am obese and manage to shower and dress myself for work in clean clothes and don't smell. The two don't have to go hand in hand.

The obesity of this colleague certainly isn't helping matters, but I would focus purely on the hygiene aspect.

I agree you have to say something though. I would approach HR and say that you want it to be anonymous as it is sensitive, but you would appreciate either them or the manager having a word with the colleague.

Hope you get it sorted OP. As pp have mentioned, there may well be some underlying issues & she needs some kind of help...but you really shouldn't have to put up with that, hope HR help. I never understand this though, do people who smell not smell themselves? Then again, I suppose of it's an issue of mh or facilities etc that won't make a difference I suppose

Its for her manager to deal with.
There's a duty of care that has to be taken to here which includes seeing if there are any barriers for her including medical condition, housing situation etc etc. We go down these routes to see if any additional support can be provided, while addressing the requirement to have a decent standard of personal hygiene at work.
I appreciate you don't want to be the first one to raise it but all it takes is a quiet chat with a manager. Going to HR is actually really heavy handed and not very nice. As much as it can be very difficult to deal with, there could be things going on in her life which are causing this.

YANBU but YABU to eat at your desk anyway.

My husband is obese. He manages to wash properly perfectly well.

Most obese people do. However, there are certainly some people whose weight/size, especially if their bathroom isn't ideal for them, causes some issues with washing properly. I used to work with a man who was extremely large, to the point where his mobility was compromised, and he smelt a lot like what the OP describes. There is no way he would have been able to use an ordinary bathtub, for example, either for bathing or if there was an over-bath shower, and I doubt he could actually reach parts of his body to wash them properly.

I think most people in his situation would have made some adjustments to their bathroom (he wasn't short of money) or bought some items to help with personal care (you can get things like long-handled brushes/loofahs/sponges for people who can't reach round to wash easily, for example) but he was quite a difficult man with very little self-awareness.

@mayorofcasterbridge

Hear hear!!! All the things that people who are paid to actually, you know, manage, don't have the balls to do.

They need to piss off and do what they're handsomely paid to do!!

There's another forum I use, with an ask HR section.

Someone wanted to ask if they should go to HR about a colleague who puts on her make-up in the toilets, for about 30 minutes before work...but leaves the sink in a mess.

How this can be seen as a HR issue beats me.