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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu for wanting to speak to HR regarding a smelly colleague?

296 replies

Pianoplayer190 · 06/09/2023 21:57

Long story short, I have a colleague who has worked with us for years but has an awful smell.

Unfortunately her body odour is overwhelming and makes me feel very nauseous. I’m very sensitive to bad smells and I get a waft of the bad smell because she’s placed herself directly next to me.

Shes morbidly obese. We have quite a few larger colleagues that work with us but they never have an odour. I’m just really struggling to get through my day without walking up to HR and saying there’s an issue.

Ive not said a word to other people as effectively that’s just me being vile then. But I need to share the issue because I’m struggling to get through my day. I can’t move office space or desk.

The smell is like faecal matter, a period pad left in the sun and a wet mop. That’s all I can say and I’m really and truly suffering. I heaved at lunch today while eating.

AIBU if I complain.

OP posts:
Wilkolampshade · 07/09/2023 06:36

@IncompleteSenten blimey, that's an incredible loss, and must have taken enormous emotional strength and determination. Bloody well done.

Readingineading · 07/09/2023 06:44

Oh Dear.
Ive seen this dealt with and had to deal with it myself.
Approach HR, this is potentially a H&S issue also a welfare issue for you and the lady in question. Ive had dealings with this issue where not having facilities to wash themselves and/or their clothing has been the issue. Ive seen where mental health issues resulted in a lack of washing and showering. Unfortunately Ive had 2 people ( both men ) who didnt give a shiny shit so it had to be escalated to a dress code violation.
Good luck op.

FeetupTvon · 07/09/2023 06:49

I would say to your colleague, “can you smell that horrid smell? It keeps wafting around, not sure what it is but wondered if you could smell it? Not sure where it’s coming from.”
Without causing her offence, she may well wonder if it’s her, then possibly do something about it.

Wanderingowl · 07/09/2023 07:08

MrsSkylerWhite · 06/09/2023 22:53

bananaxapple · Today 22:43

It doesn’t sound pleasant, I’ll give you that.

However, you are absolutely unreasonable for mentioning her weight, implying the issue might be because of that. You continue to ignore the commenters who have also pointed this out. If you’re showering twice each day and using strong deodorants (which sounds vastly excessive) are you sure you’re not trying to hide anything yourself?”

Obese people sweat more, obviously.

I don't know how you think this has come across but to it's like you've engaged your virtue signal instead of your brain. It's just a bloody obvious fact that morbid obesity increases the likelihood of a person producing bad odours while limited mobility makes it harder to clean them away. Berating people for being factual is actually bullying and doesn't make you come across as the good person you are pretending to be.

HJ40 · 07/09/2023 07:25

The HR posters on this dodging it and pushing it back to the manager are why I loathe HR (generalisation, granted).

They make out like they are all friendly and 'come to us with anything' but actually their role is simply to manage the human 'resource' output for the business and keep it on the right side of the law. At this point in time, the OP is still working so HR don't give a shiny shit.

At some point something may escalate and then HR will step in, which could have been hugely preventable.

LlynTegid · 07/09/2023 07:27

If you have raised this with your manager and nothing has changed, then HR. You may be the only person who is affected in the way you are, so one possibility may be to have the option to work from home some of the time, or be in a different location.

Regardless of why the person stinks.

Custardslices · 07/09/2023 07:28

The issue is she smells not the fact she's obese, does not own a washing machine or any other excuse.

Talk to your manager let them deal with your issue and also any issue she has preventing her from being clean.

JoanOfAllTrades · 07/09/2023 07:31

Oh dear. @Pianoplayer190, I really feel for you!

As a nurse, I’ve had to care for obese and bariatric patients and the smell you describe is often from sweat/moisture becoming trapped in deep skin folds. The skin then deteriorates and can become infected, which in turn gives off a different smell.

If the person you sit by is extremely overweight, they may well have deep skin folds which they aren’t drying properly, which then accumulate and trap sweat, which compromises the skin barrier and can cause sores.

You mention the clothing smells. Has the weather been bad over the past couple of months in the UK? Or wherever you live? And do they wear the same clothes all the time? Because if not, why would the clothes not be drying properly? Well, I suppose that’s irrelevant really, as their washing schedule isn’t your problem! But definitely talk to your manager as it’s unfair if it’s impacting your work and any reasonable manager will understand that.

Nannyfannybanny · 07/09/2023 07:42

I've had this twice. Last time was a colleague I worked nights with in a nursing home. She worked Tuesday and Friday, didn't change out of her uniform during that time. I know that because 2 other colleagues lived in her road,her feet were black,she smelt of lots of things, including stale urine. I went to the matron, said when we were in the small internal kitchen the smell was overpowering. She had a drink problem (I also went to the matron about that, she turned round said I've asked ",Joan" if she's been drinking, she said no") she was horrified, and said she couldn't possibly mention the smell or hygiene problems. I left!

Whatyoutalkingabouteh · 07/09/2023 07:49

@HJ40 Aww this is where you misunderstand what HR is I’m afraid. By all means a manager should talk to HR if they need advice on how to have a difficult conversation but not palm it off. If you manage someone, manage them including discussing issues

Pottedpalm · 07/09/2023 07:51

bananaxapple · 06/09/2023 22:43

It doesn’t sound pleasant, I’ll give you that.

However, you are absolutely unreasonable for mentioning her weight, implying the issue might be because of that. You continue to ignore the commenters who have also pointed this out. If you’re showering twice each day and using strong deodorants (which sounds vastly excessive) are you sure you’re not trying to hide anything yourself?

As several posters have said, weight may very well be the issue, or an exacerbating factor.

CornedBeef451 · 07/09/2023 07:59

Tough one OP!

I used to work in a small office with a very smelly man, sort of sour unwashed clothes smell.

Luckily he took lots of sick leave and then quit and we were all relieved.

I am obese and pretty sure I don't smell but if your colleague is very big then yes it can be an issue.

I worked with a lovely, very large women who always smelt a bit yeasty. You could tell if she had been in the loo recently as it lingered.

It wasn't entirely unpleasant but was a bit weird, completely disappeared when she lost about 8 stone.

CherryCokeFanatic · 07/09/2023 08:10

Any spare desks in your office? I would ask your manager if you can move and give some spurious reasons. If there is some resistance then express the true reason. If it’s a no, then go to HR to express your concern and hopefully they will inquire about it and what can be done

Hibiscrubbed · 07/09/2023 08:18

Why are some posters being so obtuse about someone’s weight being relevant or not?

Ryanstartedthefire2 · 07/09/2023 08:18

I'd speak to her directly. Awkward but less embarrassing for her.

C152 · 07/09/2023 08:23

It sounds very awkward OP, but I think having a quiet word with your manager is the first step. If nothing happens, then mention it to HR but phrase it in a way the shows it's impacting your ability to work.

BasicPumpkinSpice · 07/09/2023 08:31

YABU for not bringing this up with your manager when this originally became an issue. Talk to your manager. There's a ton of really good advice online about addressing BO so there's really no excuse for not dealing with it.

https://www.askamanager.org/2013/04/how-to-talk-to-an-employee-about-body-odor.html

how to talk to an employee about body odor

A reader writes: One of my direct reports is a woman who is absolutely kick-ass at what she does, but I don't think she bathes frequently and I suspect

https://www.askamanager.org/2013/04/how-to-talk-to-an-employee-about-body-odor.html

JFDIYOLO · 07/09/2023 08:36

My experience:

New person complained about smell of woman next to her, to line manager.

He threw his hands up and came to me as only other woman in room and asked me to speak to her (no training, management experience etc…)

I happened to ask friend in HR how I should do it - she said NOOO, it's for HR and line management to deal with. Possible disability / race discrimination issues in our case.

It was dealt with.

Speak to your manager in the first place and explain how it's negatively affecting your wellbeing, mental health, ability to deliver bla bla bla - poke whatever matters to the business and its values.

Comb through your company's standards and HR content etc - you may find policy and procedure to point to if you have difficulty there.

Personally I'd move seats today.

Bellyblueboy · 07/09/2023 08:39

My dad managed a large team and proudly tells us how he dealt with a smelly man.

he walked into their large office one day- said oh my god Walmart is that awful stench - asked if someone had left a wet unwashed coat handing up for a while, then suggested a dead rodent and said he would get the exterminators in.

apparently the offending guy improved dramatically after that.

to be clear - I am not suggesting you do that😩

HarrietJet · 07/09/2023 08:40

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 06/09/2023 22:17

Gross!!

I'm a manager. The most appropriate thing is to raise it with your OWN manager, as the impact on your work is what's important. Then the managers can decide what to do about eg move your working desk, have a chat with her, give her her private office etc etc.

Your only concern is your own work and anything impacting it.

Giving her her own private office rather than asking her to deal with the problem would be an amusing way of dealing with it, certainly... 😂

OnAPostItNote · 07/09/2023 08:45

I had this issue with an agency staff member. I called the agency and they tried to gaslight me and make me think there was no issue. It was their job to deal with it. So they did.
it’s up to your manager and hr to sort this. Tell them now. It’s totally outrageous that you should have to put up with this smell, from anyone, fat or thin. So don’t let ‘size’ become the issue. Focus on the smell.

BrendaMcPherson · 07/09/2023 08:51

Catusrusty · 06/09/2023 23:09

You're not at all sorry so don't pretend to be.

Firstly you said the other people who are larger that work with you don't smell. Then you decided to call a spade a spade and say that fat people can't function properly or keep themselves clean.

You're fat shaming. That's why you are here.

Also showering twice a day is bad for the environment, bad for your skin and unnecessary unless you are doing some very physical exertion.

Show quote history

Of course the OP isn't fat shaming, FFS. She works next to a stinky colleague who happens to be fat. Where did all this 'shaming' nonsense come from?

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 07/09/2023 08:57

Yes you wash your feet in the shower. Do you think the sweaty smell magically comes off just with excess soap running over them?

willWillSmithsmith · 07/09/2023 09:01

In the meantime is there any time they’ve moved from their seat and you can give the area a quick spray of something more pleasant. This is what I did when I had a colleague who smelt less than fresh.

mayorofcasterbridge · 07/09/2023 09:03

TheCraicDealer · 07/09/2023 01:39

But that the whole point, some people (obese or otherwise) don’t know. As @JanglingJack outlined upthread and detailed from my husband’s experience in the army, sometimes people don’t realise where an odour might originate, or how to deal with it. In fact, they may well have gone nose blind and not even realise there’s an issue. It’s clear from other threads on MN that there are many people who don’t understand that bar soap is generally better than body wash, what talc is for, the importance of drying properly before getting dressed, the difference between deodorant and antiperspirant, etc- even on this thread we’ve had a discussion on feet washing showing different people’s attitudes to that. So it’s simply not accurate to make blanket statements and say that the OP’s colleague’s weight cannot be a factor in any way, as all obese people know how to keep themselves clean and do so religiously. To some, big or small, personal hygiene just isn’t a priority or something they’ve spent a lot of time or energy considering or been educated about.

Surely most people don't use talc any more??? Haven't used it since the last century. Horrid stuff.