Aibu for wanting to speak to HR regarding a smelly colleague?

[Pianoplayer190]

Long story short, I have a colleague who has worked with us for years but has an awful smell.

Unfortunately her body odour is overwhelming and makes me feel very nauseous. I’m very sensitive to bad smells and I get a waft of the bad smell because she’s placed herself directly next to me.

Shes morbidly obese. We have quite a few larger colleagues that work with us but they never have an odour. I’m just really struggling to get through my day without walking up to HR and saying there’s an issue.

Ive not said a word to other people as effectively that’s just me being vile then. But I need to share the issue because I’m struggling to get through my day. I can’t move office space or desk.

The smell is like faecal matter, a period pad left in the sun and a wet mop. That’s all I can say and I’m really and truly suffering. I heaved at lunch today while eating.

AIBU if I complain.

I am one of the few people who voted YABU, not because I think it is unreasonable to object to sitting next to a colleague who smells but because the OP has not asked how she could bring up the problem sensitively with the colleague herself. If you really do 'like a person but not their smell' then you would want to find a way of raising the problem in a way that you can continue to sit alongside each other as colleagues.

The first step is to talk to the person themselves. If that goes nowhere, then ask other colleagues if they have smelled her. If they have also noticed the smell and the colleague has remained oblivious to any advice, it will have more impact going to the manager as a group. Going straight to the manager without speaking to the colleague first has consequences.

I wouldn't say that referring to the colleague's size is fat shaming because it might have something to do with the smell but there is an unkind undertone to the way the OP has described the colleague.

No. I work in HR and we’ve had a couple of complaints about colleagues body odours. We ask the manager to have a polite word with the ‘offender’ and take it from there. It’s not a nice situation for anyone involved but it can be gone about with in a sensitive way.

@raffathegaffa would you say a little about how you expect a manager to deal with this? Any guidance on what to say and how to structure the conversation?

When I got landed with this fun task I was just factual. "We've had complaints about your body odour, please could you try to improve." (Their response was they wash every day and change their shirt every week, in case you're wondering.)

That's not true. We have a morbidly obese person in our workplace. She cannot go upstairs and has a modified work station. She also smells but is aware of it and admits she can't wash herself easily.
Not much her colleagues can do it.

I really don’t agree. Talking about someone’s foul smell is way beyond boundaries. Even with a family member it would depend on your relationship. The most you could do is drop hints, ‘wow, something has died in here’ etc. and attempt to shame someone, which would be awful - but might work.

Why?

I'd definitely for talking to HR about this. It means there's confidentiality about your complaint - if you go direct to her or her manager, they will know it was you and while others may well be thinking the same thing and you are right to speak up, it won't endear you to either and could be embarrassing.

I'm going to do that thing of massively extrapolating a situation, but chances are this person has lost a bit of self-worth / motivation, and struggling to take due care of themselves. If handled correctly and tactfully this could help them realise they need to take a little action and get back on track.

Re mention of obesity - personally, I do understand why you've said this as this increases the likelihood of hygiene issues. Speaking as someone whose gone through a range of weights, when I'm bigger, there's more folds of skin to keep care of, more sweat and - apologies for the graphics - it's a lot more wipes and washes to keep the nether regions tip top. There's then a double whammy where you sweat more, so your clothes pick it up. There's a lot of encouragement to use liquids and low temp washes for environmental reasons, and all the boxes say 'works at 20 degrees' etc which encourages you to do this. Unfortunately washing clothes is a balancing act and sweat often needs a bit more of a high temp / more powder etc to get fully out - but if you listen to all the washing powder ads you think you don't need to.

I definitely wouldn't mention the obesity or your particular sensitivity when talking about the issue though. Put it that you are raising it as it's unpleasant to work alongside, and you care about their wellbeing.

I'd definitely for talking to HR about this. It means there's confidentiality about your complaint - if you go direct to her or her manager, they will know it was you and while others may well be thinking the same thing and you are right to speak up, it won't endear you to either and could be embarrassing
Eh? Someone will know it was op who raised the issue, why does this matter?

@orangeyeahthatsright if OP doesn’t like the smell, why is she eating lunch at the desk? That’s antisocial in itself and probably producing smells of its own. Retching while eating problem easily solved by eating lunch anywhere else.

It may be because In very obese people conditions can develop (sores or yeast infections etc) that can cause quite bad odour so this could be a factor

I used to work with someone like this, but he wasn't over weight, I have no idea hwta his issue was hut when it was hot it lingered on the air, he'd been spoken to about it multiple times over the years, his hair was greasy and it made me feel sick. Not a nice thing, but one year for secret santa someone got him a can of deodorant, I did feel really bad for him because it must have been embarrassing (I was off so was told about it by someone else)

All this hypothesising about the smell and what causes it.
It is irrelevant and speculation- pages of speculations 🤦‍♀️
it matters not a jot whether the women is obese or not to THE COMPLAINT .
The Op needs to raise this with management without speculating on why’s and where fors. It will do her absolutely no favours . Even the manager doesn’t need to know this unless the individual shares personal information, or it becomes such an issue that the women needs to be referred to occ health

Theres an issue, it needs sorting. Op raises it. Not her money, not her circus to try to understand why as she not going to be the one who fixes it.

Probably related to the username!

she could have a medical issue but still go to your manager to sort it out

Maybe some femfresh in the next secret Santa?

I am morbidly obese, and I do not smell. As a teenager I was only allowed to bathe twice a week, and mum wouldn’t buy me deodorant, and I know I smelled then, so I am hyper-aware of my hygiene now.

I use a really good antiperspirant, shower or wash, and was my hair daily, and wear clean clothes. So it is possible to be as gross as me and still not stink.

I was the smelly person! I suffered chronic depression as a teen/young adult, which isn't an excuse but it did affect my ability to keep myself clean. I suffered at school for it, terribly, but just couldn't change my habits.

As a 21-year-old my manager spoke to me saying some people had noticed. I was embarrassed, and they possibly were too, but it clicked this time (perhaps being in a place of work instead of school?) and I was able to make changes. I was given 30 extra minutes at lunch so I could go home and change or shower if needed and then made that time up at the end of the day.

OP, please speak to your manager. The woman will be embarrassed but in the long run can only help her.

I still have depressive periods now, but am hyper-aware of keeping myself at the very least smelling clean.

In fairness, size 20 is considered morbidly obese these days. Yet it doesnt affect function, create sores, lead to an inability to wash, or yeast infections, or any of the hypothetical scenarios being discussed on this thread.

There are an awful lot of sizes that cover "morbidly obese" and as yet I dont know if we're talking like size 20 lose 3/4 stone or size 34/36+ cant touch toes or reach bits to scrub without a fight.

(not quoting you in particular, yours was just the last weight related post)

People managers are specifically trained on how to have these conversations. Typically we only involve HR if we have talked about it, followed our process and due diligence and there is no improvement.
I'm glad others said this but genuinely I have never experienced the view aside from on MN that you run to HR for every little thing!!

size 26, disabled, still perfectly capable of washing properly.... yes, even between my toes.

ftr, tmi, but my partner compliments me on how good/fresh i smell, and trust me, he gets up close and very personal with places my friends/family will never have their noses...

If we're talking someone bigger, like 30st+ then i can understand, but at 21st, i'm still good thanks.

YES weight CAN make it more difficult, but in this instance re the OP, the weight is irrelevant, the SMELL is the issue, and that is what needs to be addressed.

This whole discourse on 'fat people stink because they can't wash' has been awful, fatphobic, disingenuous and entirely unnecessary.

People managers are specifically trained on how to have these conversations.

Should be, but don't think they are in all workplaces.

I agree with this. Over time the smell becomes deeply embedded in the fabric and it's almost impossible to remove. Last week I had to collect my adult autistic sons clothing as his washing machine was broken ( thank god) so I got chance to really clean them. I had to put every load on an extended hygiene wash and used two measures off the detol sanitiser, 5 measures of soap , conditioner AND unstoppable things. Each wash took 3-4 hours and some loads, his most worn, had to be washed twice as they still smelled after the first one. But he genuinely doesn't seem to notice or if he does notice, he doesn't care. It breaks my heart.

Ingenious
🤣🤣

Perhaps her morbid obesity makes it difficult to wash in the folds properly or hinders being able to clean herself properly after using the toilet.

The thing is, even if someone starts the day with a shower and smelling fresh, often by the time they've travelled to work (say on a packed bus/tube/train) they can be smelly again, especially in the Summer.

Most people in this situation would probably freshen up in the work toilets/bathroom, but how would someone manage if they had rolls of back fat?

Genuine question, just curious as to how one would remove BO from that area?