Aibu for wanting to speak to HR regarding a smelly colleague?

[Pianoplayer190]

Long story short, I have a colleague who has worked with us for years but has an awful smell.

Unfortunately her body odour is overwhelming and makes me feel very nauseous. I’m very sensitive to bad smells and I get a waft of the bad smell because she’s placed herself directly next to me.

Shes morbidly obese. We have quite a few larger colleagues that work with us but they never have an odour. I’m just really struggling to get through my day without walking up to HR and saying there’s an issue.

Ive not said a word to other people as effectively that’s just me being vile then. But I need to share the issue because I’m struggling to get through my day. I can’t move office space or desk.

The smell is like faecal matter, a period pad left in the sun and a wet mop. That’s all I can say and I’m really and truly suffering. I heaved at lunch today while eating.

AIBU if I complain.

Blink twice Melania, we can help you

Okay I feel somewhat embarrassed now!

I’ve never had particularly sweaty/dirty feet so guess I just let the soapy “run offs” do the job for me. Looking at my feet now having just had a shower they look clean to me… 😥

You're not at all sorry so don't pretend to be.

Firstly you said the other people who are larger that work with you don't smell. Then you decided to call a spade a spade and say that fat people can't function properly or keep themselves clean.

You're fat shaming. That's why you are here.

Also showering twice a day is bad for the environment, bad for your skin and unnecessary unless you are doing some very physical exertion.

There is no faux naivety here. If someone is morbidly obese and can’t wash properly then surely that will cause sores in skin folds that need to be treated? It also means if they can’t wash themselves properly then they need help to do so.

So there's no problem then?

But surely you accept some other people get sweaty feet?

For example my DH has to wear steel toe capped boots with thick socks, no matter what the weather.

Your feet have the most sweat glands per cm of your entire body... why wouldn't you scrub them clean in the shower or bath?

I’ve got a horrible feeling that this thread is a reverse.

What if they haven't developed sores and they have no help/are too proud to ask for help with washing?

The way you refer to him I'm not surprised that was their reaction tbh

@Pianoplayer190 this happened to someone I knew, she was the smelly one. She was smelling because her husband wouldn't allow her to use the shower or washing machine because he was controlling & an abusive bastard.

Colleagues were unpleasant to her & about
her, until they separated & she was able to tell them.

Just saying you just don't know this persons story so be kind whatever you decide to do.

I'd perhaps suggest that because you all work in a close environment that personal hygiene is taken more seriously to make it less personal perhaps suggest that management suggests this tactic to the whole group.

I don't know I might be over empathising I just think it would be so embarrassing whatever the context to have that conversation thrown at you.

Rub a slightly damp finger across the sides of your ankle and inbetween your toes, I bet the dead skin cells will pill up and come off.

It’s not anyone else’s issue except the person who is too obese to wash properly. If they’re too proud and are omitting an odour around other people then other people really shouldn’t need to suffer poor personal hygiene. It’s the same with anyone whose not obese, no-one should need to suffer poor personal hygiene in the workplace.

What’s him being nerdy got to do with it.

Maybe he had a health issue? Some people have incontinence after having cancer and all sorts of reasons.

Heaven forbid any of you lot ever get ill. No doubt you’d be posting here about being bullied.

Hold on. If this colleague has ‘placed herself’ next to you, that implies that people can choose where to sit in your office. Why don’t you just exercise the same choice for yourself?

It just never occurred to me - unless I had been to a sandy beach or something. I shower twice a day and have never had any foot problems or notice my feet feeling sweaty. Maybe I will from now on. Off to see what Google says, I don’t want to hijack OPs thread.

how the smell has arisen, why it has arisen, whether the person who smells can wash themselves properly or any other bit of speculation as to whether its a sweat accumulation, faecal matter or anything else is quite frankly irrelevant. there is a person in her office who smells. that smell is so bad that she is retching and others are also aware of it. thats the whole issue right there. the member of staff needs taking aside and the complaint needs bringing to their attention. if they then ask for any sort of help then thats the time to offer it.

And yes, I had a colleague like this. he was rank. we had complaints from clients and people coming into the office for the first time would often make a "eww whats that smell" type noise. we tried everything before talking to him - plug ins under the desk, deodoriser, sprays the lot. but fundamentally when he was in the office it stank and you couldnt eat your lunch or even drink a hot drink.

So, as his manager I had to have a talk to him about it. it turned out he never washed his clothes, he didnt believe in it. he also had a bath once a month which he felt was sufficient and that was when he washed his hair with water. We got someone from occupational health to talk through what was a healthy amount of body washing and clothes washing and the problem was resolved. He still had an odour but it was tolerable.

If you don’t scrub them you have dead skin on them surely, rub that indentation by your heel and see if dead skin comes off, there’s your answer!

Yeah this is an HR job. There’s too much chance of a grievance coming your way if you tried to have a discussion with her about it. However nice you were, whatever way you phrase it, at the end of the day you’re telling her, a peer, “you smell”. That’s a discussion for a manager or HR professional who’s less likely to be accused of bullying given they’re simply reacting to a genuine issue raised by a staff member.

Honestly a huge reason I wouldn’t want to be in a management or HR role is that you have to deal with stuff like this.

I do have sympathy for your colleague; her weight is relevant as it is harder to keep clean and fresh when you might be dealing with excess sweat, skin folds or reduced mobility, plus not everyone comes from a background where hygiene and/or laundry skills were a priority. When DH was in the army during basic training they were literally taught how to shower and wash themselves properly because some of the recruits didn’t know how. But at the end of the day no one should be coming into work wondering if this is the day they end up throwing up their lunch.

You shouldn’t need tolerate this at work OP. As others have said contact your manager. It doesn’t matter what the smell is, you’re finding it offensive and it needs to be raised.

Lol I just said that then saw this

This is a disgusting thread. Weight is not relevant in terms of hygiene. Anyone can smell or not adequately take care of their hygiene. Anyone can sweat, and just because someone is fat does not mean they have a problem with body odour. I'm fat and I don't actually sweat much. Never get damp underarms but of course shower, use good deodorant etc, wear clean clothes daily etc etc. Have never had a problem with hygiene.
An obese person has more skin folds but we do know how to wash and take care of ourselves. Even if it is harder to reach certain spots then we find ways! Fat people care about their hygiene as much as anyone else.
Some of the posts on here are just disgusting fat bashing, and frankly very offensive.
Some of you can't wait to sneer at fat people, you love it. Hope it makes you feel better about yourselves.
Anyone can be negligent of hygiene. I've worked with some stinkers too, the worst being a man who would cycle to work then sit around in his sweaty clothes all day.

So you think the OP is morbidly obese and stinks to high heaven, making her colleagues feel sick??

I seriously doubt she would do a thread about it if so 😂

I do the same (ie nothing). Never occurred to me to scrub my feet! Nothing comes off when I run my ankle though?

I would not approach that conversation as you’ve suggested. I’m HR and have coached many a manager on this unfortunately.

Describing yourself as embarrassed / nervous to their face just imparts those feelings onto them - maybe there’s a medical reason?

expecting them to get distressed / confused and not react well? Well the majority of the time it would be the delivery of the message that would cause that- and not the message itself.

Her manager should deal with this. The manager should say that THEY have observed the issue themselves in the first instance so that the employee doesn’t sit at their desk wondering who’s also affected / bringing it up. Factual, firm, fair, with an offer of support / chance to divulge anything the employee wants to comment (could be medical/ may not have access to water to wash etc). If there’s no mitigating circumstances then a clear message that they are expected to maintain a decent level of hygiene. End of conversation. No need to mortify them anymore than they may naturally be.