My children were invited into a strangers house! Am I over reacting?

[Flowers94]

This is quite long but basically my children are 8&9 and have been playing out at the back of our house for a few months but know where they can and can’t go. a few days ago they’ve gone out and when I’ve gone to shout them in they weren’t responding so I’ve panicked and when they returned about 10 mins later they’ve been in a house about 12 door up stroking a cat.
I’ve explained the them about stranger danger and asked what’s happened and they’ve said the cat was lost so they’ve found it and this couple have said to them that the cat is shy so do they want to come in and stroke/feed the cat.

i went mad at the kids which I maybe shouldn’t have done but they know we don’t go into strangers houses, I am considering going to this couples house and suggesting they don’t invite children into their home as to me that’s extremely odd.
is this an overreaction on my part? Or do normal adults invite children into their homes to stroke there pets

We have a similar strange couple nearby- childless with cats. I would tell them to back off. However I have let my toddler play out the front with other young children his age parents watching from steps/ windows. It always sends alarm bells ringing when a older childless couple wants to over friendly with your kids

Nowhere in her (shifting) story does the OP say the couple were (a) older or (b) childless. Only that they were an "adult couple".

@Sanitas

I've posted this already on here but I'll say it again. No matter how good your intentions are, it is unwise to invite a strangers kids into your house. Let's imagine me and my DH invite a couple of kids into our home to play with our dog. We have nothing but good intentions. They come in, we play with the dog, have a great time and then the kids leave. All good. The next week, a man stops them and asks them to help him look for his dog. They remember how nice me and DH were, how nice our dog was and this man seems so nice too and he has a dog, and he even tells a couple of really funny jokes so he can't be dangerous, right? So off they go with him. Only he isn't nice like us. He doesn't even have a dog. And he is evil. Pure evil.

Kids aren't always good at putting stranger danger into practice. They expect anyone evil to exhibit signs of being evil, not come across as nice and funny and owning a cute dog. If they enter a stranger's house, even a couple's house, they are already naive. Inviting them into a house, even with good intentions males them more vulnerable.

One boy very narrowly escaped Myra Hindley after she invited him back to her house for a slice of bread and jam. He went with her because other people had invited him back to their house and been nice to him so he didn't think there was anything wrong with it. While he was there, he got a bad feeling and ran away. She very nearly caught him and dragged him back in. And as we know, Myra Hindley was one half of a murdering couple.

And I said similar :)

No, it’s not just you, but the majority of people think it was wrong - on this poll and, I wager, in real life. Just because someone does something wrong (the children ignoring the Stranger Danger rules), doesn’t mean other people are at liberty to act wrongly too. The children should have refused but the couple should have had the sense not to invite them in in the first place.

You’ve identified yourself that in my hypothetical situation, you probably wouldn’t invite random children in. I doubt that the only reason you wouldn’t is because you don’t like random people in your house.

Exactly, Prescottdanni123! This is such a cliche. Many of the Stranger Danger programmes have ‘come to see my new puppy/kittens’ or ‘help me find my lost puppy/kitten’, as their examples. I’m way past childhood but even now as an adult, this thread bought those images back into my head. This particular situation should have alerted the couple that it was unwise.

No, you've misread me. I don't like strangers in my house, but I might relax that for children who were interested in my pets.

At no point in time would it occur to me that anyone would suspect me of being a pervert if I did so.

The only people who should automatically know OP's rules and definitions of Stranger Danger are herself, her partner, if any, and her children.

My reply to this is that I suspect that, like me, the kids sussed that the odds of a couple they approached being weird is low and the fact that they were a couple in itself makes the odds of them having ill intent much lower, too.

They may behave very, very differently if a lone man, or group of men, actively enticed them.

So your thin of the edge argument may not be true.

Cause let's be blunt it is men who are more likely to wish them harm. No argument about this please. It's the truth.

I sincerely mean it when I am sorry for those whose lives have been affected by an opposite sex couple (I imagine that the most likely scenario in the OP's case is that one is male the other female as this is more probable being that most people are heterosexual) working together to harm children but the Myra Hindley's and Rose West's of this world are extremely rare.

That's why they make the news. Whereas sadly we don't blink an eye about a lone man, or men, with ill intent.

Women may - and sadly do turn a blind eye to abuse-usually in a familial setting but actively collaborating to harm is extremely rare.

For these reasons, I think the OP is being hysterical in this instance and frankly needs to back off.

The story itself is full of holes anyway.

It always sends alarm bells ringing when a older childless couple wants to over friendly with your kids

Why?

Yes one must be hyper aware of those childless weirdos who are nice to kids.

Most of us childless weirdos just ignore other humans who are friendly to us . As we are weird.

Actually no, I did smile back at a baby on a bus the other day who was smiling at me. I won't make that mistake again!

(I don't yet have a cat so maybe I am safe)

@ScribblingPixie because we are all pedophiles of course

I think some posters like to think this, because it makes them feel easier. If you keep your kids away from the wierd childless couple they can't possibly come to harm. Easier than worrying about your husband, your brother, your uncle, your friends husband etc etc

If I was a (male) pedophile, would I be more likely to:

A. Be in a long term relationship with a childfree/infertile woman
B. Prey on single mothers in vulnerable situations with children

This is why me and my DH no longer volunteer for Scouts or Guides or other youth organisations. I'm so tired of being assumed to be grooming children on the basis my uterus doesn't work

So wrong, these are teo children therefore considered vulnerable. Two adults should absolutely know that you don’t invite children in your house without a parent/carer or their expressed permission previously. It’s so dangerous and they should know how this looks from the outside

I’m literally horrified at some people’s naivety on here. “It’s a nice thing for the cat people to do, invite them in their house to stroke their cat”. Do you know how many horrific events start with something as innocent as that. What line do you think Ian Huntley used when he invited two young girls into his home. He didn’t tell them what he was going to do, he’ll have used something very similar and very innocent sounding to a child.
99.9% of people are well meaning, but these people should have known better. They need to be made aware that it’s not reinforcing the right boubdaries. I wouldn’t be harsh just lay the facts out in a friendly way that it could be misinterpreted.

And kids don't always tell what actually happened. They could have walked into their house before they had a chance to say stop.

Yes two adults should definitely know that they shouldn’t do this. But OP cannot control every adult, she can only teach her children. So the poster made a valid point.

With regard to the stranger danger thing, I think people need to be a lot more specific over what a stranger is. I have a feeling that the kids might have thought that the couple weren't strangers because they gave seen them before as they live in the street. When mine were young I simplified it to don't speak or interact with any adults at all who are not family unless I am with them.

flowers94 have you spoken to the couple now? It is so difficult with getting children to understand what applies in so many different situations. I remember a friend who thought because her mum said hello to the neighbours and sometimes chatted to one or two that everyone was a friend and not
a stranger in terms of stranger danger.

I'm really sorry you've been made to feel that way @Insommmmnia. When I think of my childhood and the beneficial input from various neighbours, teachers and group leaders who didn't have children - all of whom my parents would have checked out in a friendly, positive way - it's beyond sad to think of children being denied this now. It truly is their loss.

I can’t believe this answer really.. sounds like you don’t have kids honestly. Kids are easy to manipulate even though they have been taught better. They seam to understand everything perfectly then the next day forget about it. It depends on their age, kids are vulnerable in general hence why there are so many safe guarding organisations protecting them against the ill minded. Predators are creative and resourceful, do u think telling a 7 yo never go with a stranger will work. Parents always have to be vigilant

My reply is for @jlpth

It could be innocent but also maybe not.
If the couple don't have kids/experience I'd think it more likely they just haven't thought it through. Go talk to them to get a better understanding but the main issue is educating the kids....would they be as tempted into a van? Do they know baddies sometimes don't look like baddies. Also depending on where you are there could be holiday lets... basically what I'm saying is this couple doesn't matter as much as you knowing how your kids react, how much trust they should get & whether the message of danger needs to be strengthened.

Personally I'd talk to kids in the garden only,if they instigated a conversation, I'd never invite inside a house.....same with kids I know unless a parent had prearranged it.

Hmm, my daughter asked to go into a neighbour´s house to the see the cats. She loves cats. Could this be what happened? I would not invite strange children into my house, not because of their safety obviously, but mine. God knows what they could inadvertently say that could get you in trouble as in; Katie invited us into her house to see the cats...Like you, calling them weird. It is a pity. But this is the world we live in.

@Sanitas

But couples can be evil though. As I've shown in my example above. So it is not safe for kids to think that couples are fine. Not every kid thinks that single men are fine either. There was a horrible case where a young girl was raped after going off with a man to help look for his dog. She was with a group of friends and he suggested that they split up in pairs to 'cover more area'. He paired her up with himself. A big group of kids and not one figured out he was lying.

It is dangerous to assume small kids with be able to 'suss' out strangers accurately. So just because they were OP's kids were able to suss out one person correctly as being safe doesn't mean they will successfully suss out the next person that comes along.

Why is the onus on the couple without children to be aware of something that's only at the forefront of parents' minds?

I'm child-free and I literally do not think about "stranger danger". I don't think about the safe way to bring children up or what rules parents have about speaking to strangers. It's not a part of my daily life and I largely don't care how other people choose to raise their kids. This incident wouldn't ring any alarm bells for me, because I don't think about worst case scenarios about raising children often, if at all.

The onus is entirely on the parents.