My children were invited into a strangers house! Am I over reacting?

[Flowers94]

This is quite long but basically my children are 8&9 and have been playing out at the back of our house for a few months but know where they can and can’t go. a few days ago they’ve gone out and when I’ve gone to shout them in they weren’t responding so I’ve panicked and when they returned about 10 mins later they’ve been in a house about 12 door up stroking a cat.
I’ve explained the them about stranger danger and asked what’s happened and they’ve said the cat was lost so they’ve found it and this couple have said to them that the cat is shy so do they want to come in and stroke/feed the cat.

i went mad at the kids which I maybe shouldn’t have done but they know we don’t go into strangers houses, I am considering going to this couples house and suggesting they don’t invite children into their home as to me that’s extremely odd.
is this an overreaction on my part? Or do normal adults invite children into their homes to stroke there pets

1. Strange adults (however innocent they are) shouldn’t be inviting children into their houses

2. Children who are unable to see danger should not be out on their own.

This has reminded me of why I now refuse to interact with any children whose parents I don’t know. A few years ago I came across a little girl who was all alone and sobbing her heart out in a shopping centre. I bent down to ask her what was wrong and she told me that she’d lost her mummy. Took her by the hand, and we were walking together to the customer service desk when a woman appeared from nowhere, grabbed the child by the wrist and dragged her away, giving me a really filthy look. It was obvious that she thought that I had bad intentions towards her child, when in fact the complete opposite was true.

Now I ignore children who I don’t know, including distressed ones. After all, I am childless, and according to this thread we are all dodgy people.

I can imagine being a grateful cat owner and agreeing to let some children into my house to stroke a nervous cat that they’d returned to me who had then run inside. I’m willing to bet that these particular children actually asked to go into the house, and the cat owner felt that it would be rude to turn them away. Massive overreaction.

I think most sane people wouldn't think a couple that their kids had taken it upon themselves to go around to were dodgy.

The odds of a couple being dodgy is very low and the odds of the kids just happening upon a pair of weirdos is very low, too.

I think some people are a bit hard of thinking.

In all likelihood it’s innocent but in this day and age adults really should know better than to invite strange children into their home without their parents’ permission, if only for their own sake.Hopefully your children have learnt an important lesson from your reaction, but I would definitely go and have a word with the couple too. If it was innocent then they need to know that it’s not okay to do and how worried you were, and in case of the unlikely but rather scary alternative, I would definitely want them to know that there is an adult looking out for your kids.

It’s up to you to train your kids. If they don’t have their own children they might have totally mis-judged their ages and thought if they are out alone then they are old enough to make the right call.

Op's children are somewhat unreliable narrators here. Their story about how they ended up in a neighbour's house 12 doors down stroking a cat doesn’t make sense to me.

These kids claim the cat was lost and they found it. So they're saying the cat wandered into Op’s back garden where the kids were playing? They knew whose cat it was and that it was "lost," so this “shy” cat let two kids pick it up and carry it back to where it resides 12 doors down? And the grateful neighbour then proceeded to invite the kids in to pet/feed the cat??

There are too many plot holes in the yarn these kids are spinning, probably because they're trying to avoid getting in trouble for wandering off (and pestering the neighbours)

Where did they find this cat exactly? Why did they think it was lost? How did they know which house this cat resided? Why would a shy cat approach them? Have they been to the house before?

I would want to hear the neighbour's version of this story before jumping to any conclusions, because the kid's version needs some work.

What a lovely story vdbfamily. Hope your neighbour is still alive and you're in touch. I visit our neighbours from when I was growing up when I go back my country, they were like an extended family.

Yeah it’s weird. This is why I wouldn’t allow my kids out if they weren’t street smart. Sounds like you need to keep them in a while until they have matured a little. I have a similar aged child and just asked what he would do. “No thanks I have to get some milk for my mam from the shop, then I’d walk off round the end of the street and come home to the front door so they didn’t know where I live”

Saying that a woman I didn’t know from my street asked me and my friend if we we wanted to come inside and see her puppy when I was about 12 and so we did. Gorgeous puppy, friendly but very lonely woman.

I would have a chat with the children again and reinforce that they go to no one’s house without permission from you. I have the friendliest cat known to man who languishes attention from anyone and everyone who passes our drive but I would never, ever invite a child into my home on behalf of the cat so I would be aware of that.

I don’t blame your children OP, but as they have shown they are too young to be out unsupervised and I wouldn’t be letting them go out by themselves again until they are older.

They had obviously wandered off out of sight of your house and even out of ear shot by themselves and for a period of time you had no idea where they were.

It was a near miss and probably why you reacted the way you did.

I wouldn’t speak to the couple 12 doors down, it could just create ill feeling among neighbours and it’s a bit of a projection of your responsibility on to them.

I think you’re missing the point completely here, whether adults should or should not be inviting children into their home is a pointless question, not everyone does what they should or shouldn’t do and clearly if an adult did want to do harm to a child, inviting them into their home would be a way to go about it. The point is surely that now you are aware that your kids have went into a strangers home it’s clear they aren’t old enough to make the right choices yet, and you should be setting rules/boundaries that keep them safe. Sorry op if it feels like another post berating your parenting, I just think it’s pointless focussing on what adults should or shouldn’t do!

The people just didn't think. They had no bad intentions, had a childhood themselves where this would have been the norm, so just didn't think. The issue is that you were not aware of where your children were and that is your fault. Children, despite being taught about stranger danger, still don't always see it coming. So parenting has to be more robust.

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Sorry but what sane adult would think asking 2 kids in to stoke your cat is ever a good idea. So many issues! Why would they put themselves in that position. Really dodgy to me. I’d be reporting them . How do you know they aren’t sex offenders?!

Except it's not just me who thinks the cat-owners have done nothing particularly wrong.

We don't know them, their background, their age group, their experience in life, their beliefs, whether they recognise the neighbourhood children and know roughly where they live, whether they even like children, whether they have children, whether they let their children run about back alleys, etc etc etc.

If someone does me a kindness, no, I probably wouldn't invite them in, as I don't like randos in my house. But in this situation, who knows, I might. I certainly wouldn't have a red light flashing in my head, Oh, Stranger Danger! I must not let these children in.

That is for the children's parents to impress upon them, not for everyone to walk around thinking, I am a stranger! Must be alert to the fact. It's ludicrous.

These children are not mature enough to keep to OP's rules, and/or she has not impressed them upon them fully and suitably. The end.

My grandparents would have done this in a second. And sent home a plate of cookies (biscuits).

The children need to know that they have to come and check with you first. Then you can all go along together. No drama.

8 and 9 is too young to be out alone. They’ve proven that by what they’ve done. I would not have gone mad at them because if something should happen in the future like this and it does go wrong in some way they may not tell you. When I was 7 my mum told be not to knock for my friend or go in her house without telling her. I did this and ended up being assaulted by my friend’s dad. I never told my mum because I thought it was my own fault for breaking the rules. You have to be very careful how you communicate things like this to children. You tell them calmly why it’s dangerous.
As for the couple, yes I’d go round and make myself known to them and politely make the point that you’re not happy with them in their house. Most people know that you don’t do this sort of thing but some people are a bit naive. Let’s hope that’s all it is and they’re not some kind of predators

This.

Report them for what exactly? The police will laugh and send you home

Basically this. Why are they out alone?

The couple can do as they please.

These kids aren't ready to play unsupervised. Parents, do your job; don't expect others to.

Great thinking.

Nobody has actually considered the distance between the feeding area and door, have they? Maybe a few feet. With the door open?

This thread is bonkers.
This is not some weird guy enticing kids in, this is a couple - very very very rare both are predators-entertaining a couple of brats who turned up UNIVITED at their door.

OP, you are being loopy about this.

The kids are intelligent probably worked things out using same logic as me.

Leave them be. Else you'll have neurotic wrecks.
Life's a risk. In this situation the risk was extremely low. This was not some lone guy, or group of guys, enticing kids in.

Of course I'd be concerned about that!!!!

If you turned up at my door in this situation I would tell you to fuck off.

Sorry I would.

I should add if you turned up all accusatory and I'd hope I could control my anger enough not to actually swear at you.