To think this is surely enough to live on or are we being stingy parents?!

[iopg]

Our DS is often asking us for money. Last year he was promoted and earns 65k. He does have student loan repayments taken out of that and his mortgage is 1k a month. We know these details as we provided the deposit on the house last year.

He often says he’s struggling for money or he can’t afford a meal out etc, but doesn’t directly ask us for money. It’s making us feel uncomfortable as we don’t want him to struggle but also we are not hugely wealthy. We gave him 50k last year as a house deposit and thought that would set him up. He’s 28 and had saved 20k himself but that went on legal fees and towards the deposit, moving costs etc. He has no debts.

What would you think in this scenario? On the online calendar 65k seems a lot even after a 1k mortgage, which we do appreciate is huge.

He'll have about £2K a month left after bills, student loan and pension.
Student loan repayment will be less than £300 from £3.5K a month - which I suspect he wouldn't be earning if he didn't have the degree. So I wouldn't feel too sorry for him on that front.
Sorry if you've mentioned this but is he living alone? Does he have kids?
I could understand a tiny bit if he has kids, although would think he's rubbish at budgeting. For a single guy, that's blooming loads to live off! He must be spending on something - flashy car? luxury hols? drugs/gambling?
He's got too cushy with all your help OP. Plain curtains and blinds can be bought very cheaply in IKEA/B&Q/charity shops until he can afford to splash out on expensive ones if that is his taste. I honestly couldn't imagine asking my family to buy me anything like that!

Wow. When I was his age and single and on that income (albeit no student loan debt) I was treating my parents and paying for their overseas holidays. By all means offer practical help (eg fitting curtains) but cut off the cash supply as he obviously has some issues with prioritising / budgeting / reality.

it will be very tough for him if he and a partner wish to have kids in the future. I fear you’ll be hit up for a lot more cash then!!!

Friends in their 70s with 40 year old DS northern inner city school, deputy head. Wife a high flyer in her field . He's forever pleading poverty. His siblings manage their lives, holiday abroad. He moans that they can't afford it. He's always got the begging bowl out. Now my friend is comfortable, but it's wearing her out worrying. Christ only knows where the money is going. I've advised her to ignore him.

If he really can't manage in that money he needs to learn!
As his parents you shouldn't be supporting his failure to make his very well funded life work.
Step back and shut the bank of mum and dad.

My household income is about 66% of his, similar mortgage, two kids and major house renovations going on... Still financially afloat.

He's taking the P

Your DH is correct, stop enabling such entitled, grabby behaviour.
You have been very generous to gift a house deposit, he should be ashamed to have the cheek to ask for anything else really.
I suspect a bit of it is probably him not wanting to prioritise such a boring yet necessary house purchase such as blinds and thinks he can pass off the work and cost onto his mother who will just be happy to have an imput on his home.

Don't do it.

Not stingy at all! Our total household income is less than his and that's for 2 adults and 2 children, mortgage is similar and we run two cars etc. A single person should surely be able to live on £65k!

Student loan: debt. How much is this? Oftentimes it can be crippling.

For perspective op, when I met dh he was 26 and his rent was 900 per month. He was on about £30k a year and living completely independently. Never asked anything from anyone. He also regularly sent money to his younger brother who needed some help / was on a low income.

I think you should start saying no more. Constantly funding things isn’t particularly helpful as he falls back on that rather than saving or sorting out his own budgeting. Blinds are hardly an essential. He has already had way more from you than most people very get from their parents. I would have never asked my parents for ANYTHiNG at 28 let alone money for blinds after they gave me a huge chunk towards a deposit!!

Can’t he get lodgers in the spare rooms? To help pay his mortgage/give him more income?

Agree with this or doing a lot of coke.

He sounds spoiled and entitled and also has a strange idea of being hard up on 65k. It's normal to not have everything immediately to sort your home how you would like it.

Mug

Did he move out from your house to his new place or was he renting before? I bought my own place at 27 and moved in with hardly anything… a chest of drawers, a borrowed mattress and some hand me down pans from my granny. Parents didn’t run around buying me furniture or fittings. Time for some creativity - he needs to hit second hand stores /eBay / Facebook marketplace and of course IKEA. He could pin a sheet at the window or stick a big plant there at the moment until he can afford something.

I’m speechless - I take home 2.5-2.7k per month and pay out 1k for mortgage x I help out my adult DC 30 and 31 who are struggling more than me and also fund some care for DM (mid 80s with dementia)
I am also single so no one to share expenses with

WTF! He earns more than me! Cheeky fucker. Plus the deposit. I'm staggered.

Good luck to his future wife or husband!

tell him to sort his life out.

I have a young colleague who earns £27k and is paying the rent on the house her parents and 3 younger siblings live in...She lives there too and their benefits were cut when she started working so...

You have been more than generous. A lot of parents can’t afford to help their children in the way you have.

I would suggest offering to go through his finances with him to sort out his budgeting.

If you are satisfied he is spending sensibly and WANT to help (not made to feel guilty), you could offer to loan him the money for things like blinds and he could pay you back an agreed monthly payment. As for meals out, it is tough luck, everyone has to learn to that they can’t jolly it up all the time.

You are definitely not stingy parents - you've given him loads and he's on a high salary with a relatively low mortgage. I'm assuming he doesn't have any dependants as you didn't mention any in your OP?

To be absolutely clear you aren’t being stingy but you are making him into a bludger.

The most I’d buy him is a drill so he can fit his blinds when he’s saved up and been to IKEA / B&Q / Homebase etc to buy them! He’s taking the piss or hiding something if he can’t buy blinds on that salary. I earn less but the extra he earns is probably taken up with his mortgage being larger than mine but I have a fairly comfortable lifestyle (not flashy but I don’t have to check my bank balance before agreeing to go out for dinner or buy clothes), go on holidays and weekends away, have gym membership and a decent chunk of savings.

Er yeah that’s definitely enough to live on. It’s higher than most family household income, and he’s presumably a single adult.

Moving house is expensive, but he needs to do what the rest of us do - manage with what you have/second hand/IKEA and do it up slowly. Or get a credit card and use it sensibly, as he can easily use his large salary to pay it off in good time.

what we don’t do is ask our parents (on lower income) for money!

I w

"Darling, I don't think you've quite understood that everyone either saves for this kind of stuff, or cuts their inessential spending a bit - you know, either a frugal weekly shop, or no pub, or missing a holiday, that kind of thing. Do you want a bit of help with budgeting?'