To think this is surely enough to live on or are we being stingy parents?!

[iopg]

Our DS is often asking us for money. Last year he was promoted and earns 65k. He does have student loan repayments taken out of that and his mortgage is 1k a month. We know these details as we provided the deposit on the house last year.

He often says he’s struggling for money or he can’t afford a meal out etc, but doesn’t directly ask us for money. It’s making us feel uncomfortable as we don’t want him to struggle but also we are not hugely wealthy. We gave him 50k last year as a house deposit and thought that would set him up. He’s 28 and had saved 20k himself but that went on legal fees and towards the deposit, moving costs etc. He has no debts.

What would you think in this scenario? On the online calendar 65k seems a lot even after a 1k mortgage, which we do appreciate is huge.

I'm on 65K and it doesn't go as far as people think it does for a single person (my mortgage is even higher than his) but I think "struggling" is pushing it.

I have to say, though, I don't smoke, gamble or drink much, never go out for dinner, never order takeaways, don't really spend money on hobbies or do anything but a couple of holidays each year, and I still don't have much left at the end of the month. I do put money in savings each month to cover any sudden expenses, though. Is this perhaps what he's doing? I don't consider saving a luxury in this economy, but it does mean I have little to no disposable income.

He earns more himself than we have from DH and I combined and the child benefit, and we have a similar mortgage and support two children. I wouldn’t give him any more personally!

15 years ago is an eternity! Things are far more expensive now than they were then! I'm struggling a bit on £65K in that I need to budget carefully and check my bank statement every day. I recently cancelled my gym membership, as I just couldn't justify the cost. Don't smoke, do drugs or drink much, barely go out. I have a couple of nice holidays a year, but am hardly living it up considering I'm nearly 40 and single with no kids.

65k with a student loans and 6% pension is still nearly 3,400 a month. Absolutely no way you should be buying him blinds!!

I suspect that he is able to afford things for his house but he just doesn't want to spend his hard earned money on such mundane things as blinds so would prefer for you to pay for them. He probably wants his own income to go on socialising and holidays.

I agree with your DH on this one. Your son shouldn't be asking you for more cash for anything really. He's on a good salary and there is only him, so if he can't manage what is he spending his money on? He needs to learn to budget

Ours came from Argos and Wilko and they were cheap and have lasted well. Argos is pretty good for cheap but good quality house items, Wilko is even better, let's hope they are rescued. IKEA is also good. He should be able to afford one of those. He's a cheeky sod, he is a higher earner than average, and even if he is single, he will be able to manage and you've helped him so much already.

You're certainly not paying a £1000 a month mortgage on that though, are you?

He's a grown man. Has he no shame to keep running to his parents? He should be self-sufficient on his income. He's lucky you were able to help him to that extent with a deposit. Most people have to rent and it would take them 10 years to get 50k together! You shouldn't feel guilty about the student loan either, it's to further HIS career and earning potential at the end of the day.

Is he in London?
That's a significant salary for a 28yr old.

If he is struggling then he is living beyond his means...unnecessarily.
He needs to reset his expectations.
Meals out are a luxury
His home doesn't need to be finished/perfect.

When we bought our first house our mortgage was HALF our combined salary and often we lived on supermodels for the last week of the month. We decorated one room at a time. And still had an ancient hand me down sofa when we moved to our second house 5 years later.

My parents will help us out IF we ask, but we only do that in emergencies....like the oven breaking

I think some people are been unfair. I earn £48k which is £3k after taxes without student loans and pensions. But, with pension and student loan I take home £2,688

he'll also be taxed the additional 20% and then pension and student loan.

a mortgage of £1k, bills and a service charge might mean he's 'surviving' if he's London as well transport will be expensive

@LaydeeDi "disposable income" is income remaining after deduction of taxes and other mandatory deductions, available to be spent or saved as one wishes.

You have plenty of disposable income, you just chose to save it.

With respect in the real world people buy there own houseing put there self through uni and pay there own student loans . You have been more than generous.

If it helps put it in perspective, my partner earns the same and that supports him, I and 2 small children. Our mortgage is £1,100 and I feel like we manage ok so for a single person I think he's taking the piss insinuating he doesn't have enough.

^^ This.
100%

Assuming he's contributing roughly 6% to pension, that's a take home pay of £3,700. Minus mortgage and bills and with no debt, he should comfortably have £2k left each month. He can afford his own blinds.

He is just using you and he doesnt need to. You have given enough money and he is earning way more than he needs to live on and pay his mortgage!! you would be a mug to give him more and i would actually be asking what he is doing with 1k per week??? most family do not have that much!!!!

Have you tried telling him that if he can’t afford a meal out then he can’t have it? He’s acting like a spoiled brat

Sure, but that's responsible, isn't it? I'm less likely to be asking the taxpayer to subsidise my life choices than a lot of people. Should I spend all my money on having a great time and then look for help from the taxpayer when I run into difficulties?

I'm certainly not asking anyone for help or complaining, I'm just saying that after saving a modest amount to cover any unexpected costs of the property I own and paying all my essential bills, I really can't afford much of a life.

Sounds like he might have an expensive habit 😉

Is he actually meaning money when he asked "for help for blinds" or is he meaning: "I haven't a clue how to measure up etc for blinds could you help me practically"?
Or meaning "I'd like you to come for a meal out with me"?

Because I wonder if it's the latter and he's thinking "all I want is some advice and Mum and Dad just throw money at me, they don't really care about helping me and are going for the easy option"?
Probably wrong there, but that's what occurred to me.

*iopg

Sorry should say he doesn’t directly ask for money to pay for meals but will ask towards essentials, for example last week he asked for help to get blinds fitted downstairs as house didn’t come with any*

Why would you need to borrow money for blinds.

Blinds are not that expensive EBay/Gumtree or FBMP You could pick some up for free or for very little money otherwise Ikea or Dunelm wouldn’t break the bank and there are you tube and TikToks showing how to fit blinds Most he would need is a screwdriver and a pair of scissors if he needed to cut a roller blind to fit or a hack saw for wooden Venetian blinds and those can be picked up in places like Poundland.

Depending on on the size of the window he could do it for under £10 for a smallish window and under £50 for a very large one

Sounds like he needs to work on being a bit practical and a bit more savvy with his money. Have you shown him how to use comparison sites and cash back sites like Quidco

Even eating out could be done with Tesco Clubcard vouchers or Wowcher

This. He's not a banker with a sniffy nose, is he?

Don't give him any more money. He needs to stand on his own two feet. You've been more than generous already.

I voted YABU because you're still thinking about giving him money, Yes the cost of living has risen but I'm on less than half of what he is and I cope. It just means he has to cut his cloth.

he has student loans so I do feel bad we haven’t helped with those as I know they are a big thing. We thought house deposit was more important.

He’s taking the piss! What a user. Listen to your husband.
If he’s rather have had help with student loans, he could have used your £50K to pay those off and chosen a bigger mortgage 🤷🏻‍♀️
Don’t be a mug!