To think this is surely enough to live on or are we being stingy parents?!

[iopg]

Our DS is often asking us for money. Last year he was promoted and earns 65k. He does have student loan repayments taken out of that and his mortgage is 1k a month. We know these details as we provided the deposit on the house last year.

He often says he’s struggling for money or he can’t afford a meal out etc, but doesn’t directly ask us for money. It’s making us feel uncomfortable as we don’t want him to struggle but also we are not hugely wealthy. We gave him 50k last year as a house deposit and thought that would set him up. He’s 28 and had saved 20k himself but that went on legal fees and towards the deposit, moving costs etc. He has no debts.

What would you think in this scenario? On the online calendar 65k seems a lot even after a 1k mortgage, which we do appreciate is huge.

This ^
No way is he "struggling" to pay the basics on this type of income.

Next time he brings it up ask if he’s venting or looking for advice. Perhaps advice on how to budget or to have the same lifestyle on less money would help.
If he directly says he wants money, then you can respond directly rather than feeling guilty about his student loans etc

He's either playing you for a fool or blowing all his cash on hookers and coke. There's no fucking way a single 28 year old on this great salary with such a low mortgage could be struggling.

Tell him to pop to IKEA and get a curtain pole and some cheap curtains or the cut to size blinds they sell. Like most people setting up home in their 20s have to (or second hand).

I wouldn’t be buying him anything. Wow.

This feels like a wind up! I earn less, my mortgage is more and I have childcare costs.. no way I would have expected my
parents to pay for blinds for me!

No one can be is naive as to think a single person can't survive on a salary greater than the combined household income of abosolutely loads of families

Are you really that out of touch surely, that's ridiculous

Tell him to learn to budget

I bought my first house at 22 with no help but was grateful my parents lent me some garden chairs so I'd have something to sit on in the living room. I know, I know, different times, but come on!

Over the years they have occasionally made very generous gifts, but I'd have had to be at risk of losing the house to have ever asked for anything.

I needed some blinds when I bought my flat; my parents had just upgraded their own blinds so very kindly came over with their old ones and my dad fitted them for me. That was very nice of them, and they will do me absolutely fine until replacing them gets to the top of my priorities list (still a long way down!). If they hadn't, I'd have done without until I could afford new ones. At the time I was earning about half what your DS does and my mortgage was about half his too.

I think you've been very nice but you should give him a heads up that the bank is running dry and then, if he doesn't take the hint, start offering budgeting advice.

You have already been extremely generous with funding the house deposit. It's time to stop giving him any more. But you and your DH need to have a conversation with him about this.

You are doing him no favours by bailing him out constantly. If you want to spend money on him what about a years subscription to budgeting software eg YNAB so he can learn to manage his money and be self sufficient. That would be one of the best gifts you could give him.

If you’re determined enough it’s possible to live beyond your means whatever your salary.
But seriously, I’d be worried that he might have a very expensive habit/addiction.

I earn 58k and take home 3k a month. I used to pay £800 towards my mortgage (have just paid it off), and I could afford 4-5 European holidays a year, a cleaner, gym membership, meals out and to continue adding plenty to my savings.

I'm fairly frugal - gas and electric £120 per month even with the massive hikes (only £60 when there was the government help), and I have a fairly old car which I own outright, a cheapish phone that I own outright and nothing on credit. Most of my furniture is second hand.

So basically I was able to afford a very nice lifestyle but I did still have to prioritise - I couldn't have afforded a massive car loan etc on top.

If he doesn't have any money I'd suggest he's managing his finances very badly.

Unless he's doing bloody loads of cocaine I'd think he has a gambling addiction.

It may not be drugs, but I would question whether or not he has some form of addiction.

He needs to grow up.

If he can't afford things he wants, his focus needs to be on earning more or managing his budget better.

But it's your money OP, do as you wish.

He earns plenty for that budget his mortgage isn't even that much

He's taking the piss, you need to start saying no (and it is perfectly fine to live without downstairs blind while you save up!)

On a salary of 65k he should be taking home around £3,800 so plenty left after paying his mortgage

He’s taking you for a mug.

I earn £38k, have a student loan, mortgage of £600, but i also pay for half the bills and have an extra £500 nursery fees.

He needs to learn to cut his cloth, and not expect everything straight away. My income is c 22k, i have 3 dcs. We moved house recently, and currently have no blinds/curtains and various jobs will need doing in the next few months. It wouldn't occur to me to ask my parents to help out with £ - in fact the last time I did, I was 19 and needed to buy a car asap for a job opportunity. My Dad LOANED me the money, which i paid back religiously every month.

It baffles me how many adults expect their parents to finance them well into their 20s/30s. You've been more than generous already OP.

This in spades^^

He is taking the piss and should be ashamed of himself.

After his mortgage he has £2.5K a month, roughly. The only way he is not able to afford blinds is if that money is going up his nose.

Sorry but student loans really aren’t that big of a deal, they get taken out before tax and it’s just something you get used to. Yes cost of living is insane right now so i can imagine when all his essential bills, mortgage and food are paid for he’s probably paying £2k a month. He should have at least £1k left over- does he have car payments? Credit card debt?

It sounds like he should definitely be able to do more than “survive” on this type of salary, so maybe he needs help with budgeting.

Does he have a housemate? He could rent a room to share his mortgage cost. Get a cheaper second hand car… stop eating out? These are all luxuries!

Get him to sit down and explain exactly where it all goes. Maybe he’s got a crazy rate on a credit card, or he got his loan from somebody dodgy, or maybe he’s got a gambling issue. It’ll help you all! And wow to everything you’ve provided for him, you need to gently let him know you’re not a bank. My dad helped me get my student loan and I remember him saying of course I’ll help, someday I won’t be here to help. Now he’s gone I always think of the little things he did that I appreciated but I’m not sure I appreciated it hard enough!!

Jesus he is being greedy and spoilt! We are on 50k a year and have a big mortgage and are a family of 4 including 2 young kids and with no one to help us. ONE adult on more than that - he is loaded! He needs to learn to budget and stand on his own 2 feet.

@Aquestioningmind this was one of my first thoughts unfortunately. Sounds like a drug problem… wtf can’t afford a meal out on £65k a year? I make half that and can afford the odd treat once in a while. Madness