To think this is surely enough to live on or are we being stingy parents?!

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Our DS is often asking us for money. Last year he was promoted and earns 65k. He does have student loan repayments taken out of that and his mortgage is 1k a month. We know these details as we provided the deposit on the house last year.

He often says he’s struggling for money or he can’t afford a meal out etc, but doesn’t directly ask us for money. It’s making us feel uncomfortable as we don’t want him to struggle but also we are not hugely wealthy. We gave him 50k last year as a house deposit and thought that would set him up. He’s 28 and had saved 20k himself but that went on legal fees and towards the deposit, moving costs etc. He has no debts.

What would you think in this scenario? On the online calendar 65k seems a lot even after a 1k mortgage, which we do appreciate is huge.

He’s 28!

I would never ask my parents for money and never have. He can live without blinds while he saves up. That’s what happens during that phase of life.

£65k is a good salary
It's £4.4k/month gross so will be around £3.5k net income
£1k/month mortgage is low

He should be able to have a good lifestyle and maintain his house.

If he's asking you for money then he's taking advantage of your good nature.
Ignore the hints and tell him to budget better

So he has a higher household income than you and expects you to still pay for him?

Blinds are not a necessity. He needs to learn to live within his means. His means, not yours. Unfortunately sometimes young ones manage to leave the nest thinking that they are entitled to a certain standard of living, and that their parents income is their income. You might need to re-educate him.

Can he get a lodger in, to increase income, for example? Take a second job? Decrease outgoings?

He will be able to save for the stuff he needs.
If he is eating out you dont need to pay for anything.

If he is having problems eating in he can get a lodger.

When you can't afford something then you just wait until you can afford it, or make do for now with something cheaper.

He doesn't need new blinds straight away, he just wants them.

It sounds like he's got out of the habit of saving which isn't great long term, so saying no from now on is probably doing him a favour.

Please don't feel bad about not helping him with student loans, you gave him a massive amount as a deposit for a house which is a fantastic thing for you to do as parents and more help than an awful lot of people get.
I would offer to go through his finances and help him make a budget if he is struggling, but you really don't need to feel guilty about not giving him any more money

I agree with your DH.

Drugs, alcohol or gambling addiction?

Does he spend a lot of money on expensive clothes / gadgets / hobbies / nice car ?! Otherwise he should have plenty to live on and these are luxuries.

Essentials are groceries and utilities not blinds. He's a cheeky fucker and just taking advantage of your good nature.

Why are you even considering this, op? He has more money than you.

Don't help him with his student loan, it's more of a tiered tax than a debt, he can afford it.

Your son should be ashamed of himself asking/hinting to his parents for money. He earns plenty. Your husband's right. Give him no more.

He’s being a cheeky fecker. We moved into a new build house a couple of years ago. We have perfectly adequate blinds that cost £12 from Argos. He gets to live within his means like the rest of us do.

Your DH is right. If mine tried this on when he moves out, I’d be spelling some basic facts out to him. He is earning plenty to afford that mortgage. He just needs to budget. You have been more than generous and the bank of mum & dad needs to close.

That’s a massive salary! It’s our joint household income for a family of 4!

The student loans aren't a big thing. They'll be costing him £300pm max, deducted at source, leaving him a take-home pay of c. £3400 pm (more if he's not contributing to a work place pension).

What on earth is he spending £2400 pm on?

He's clearing about £3500 after tax, ni, student loan and possibly pension.

So after mortgage £2500 towards bills and spending. This is plenty. If he's running out, he isn't budgeting properly. He could have got cheap blinds from Argos for like £12-£20 a window. He could have got one for his bedroom then waited until the end of the month when he got paid to get the rest.

I think you should advise him to get a credit card for emergencies like blinds etc.

Not having enough money for a meal out isn't an emergency. He's an adult now. You can tell him no!

Yes! 28! And on £65k!

He doesn't need anything from you! Especially since you've been so generous with a house deposit.

Your husband is right. Stop.
Next time ask him if he needs help budgeting.

Either he is incredibly entitled. Or has an addiction. Or possibly both. Say no.

The first year after buying a house is expensive as you need to buy so much stuff / furniture etc so it could quite possibly be true that he struggled for the first year if he had no savings.
Is he still in the process of furnishing / doing up the house?….if he is he should be waiting until he has enough of his own cash to do it and live within his means …..eg if you can’t afford to install blinds one month, you air until a few months later when you do have enough cash as at the end of the day you can live fine for a while without blinds etc…..

A 28 year old is young to own a house, and a 50k contribution from you was amazing.

I think if you don't tell him now he is a proper house owning grown up and has to stand on his own two feet, the expectation that you will be there to financially support him will become completely engrained.

My parents are fairly well off and gifted us a deposit...I'd never dream of asking them for help for anything but especially something non essential like blinds

Student loan repayments are set with reference to salary so they should be proportionate. Is he spending your money on essentials and his money on lifestyle, i.e. on holidays, a car, up his nose like a lot of 20 somethings do?