To think this is surely enough to live on or are we being stingy parents?!

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Our DS is often asking us for money. Last year he was promoted and earns 65k. He does have student loan repayments taken out of that and his mortgage is 1k a month. We know these details as we provided the deposit on the house last year.

He often says he’s struggling for money or he can’t afford a meal out etc, but doesn’t directly ask us for money. It’s making us feel uncomfortable as we don’t want him to struggle but also we are not hugely wealthy. We gave him 50k last year as a house deposit and thought that would set him up. He’s 28 and had saved 20k himself but that went on legal fees and towards the deposit, moving costs etc. He has no debts.

What would you think in this scenario? On the online calendar 65k seems a lot even after a 1k mortgage, which we do appreciate is huge.

He has the money. My partner and I are on a combined income of 65k and a mortgage of 1k plus Nursery. We can afford it and have no debts and can afford to eat our every no and again. He's having you on IMHO

If I’m Uk student loans aren’t a huge thing even on a 65k income. The debt may seem huge but monthly repayments are manageable.

my first thought after reading your post turned to gambling or drug addiction to be unable to afford the things he is asking for on his income….

it may just be he is unable to manage his finances and spending it on Pokémon cards or video games (my BIL does this).

maybe speak to him but don’t give him anymore money. You will be enabling his behaviour and he will never learn from his mistakes or inability to budget

I am sorry but I don't think your son is the problem here. He complains because he can and because he knows it will affect you.

My sister did the same and managed that my parents bought her a flat, paying for her child's nursery fees and her holidays. She is 37 and has a husband. They created a monster who feels more and more entitled, regardless of how much she gets.

You husband is right. You did enough! If you don't stop now, your son will make you feel bad about not helping until you live!

To add on student loan. I earn that and can tell you that take home pay is £3200 -after tax, pension and student loan which is about £350 (it’s 9% of what you earn above £25k I think). Totally agree housing deposit is a better financial gift than student loan help.
i would have thought he earns a very good amount for someone in their 20s w no kids.
I think while you keep giving him help he’s going to think you have tons of cash and it means nothing to you. Fair bit of bad feeling from gen z towards baby boomers these days.

My eldest 3 are married with 3/4 kids and although both parents work in each couple only 1 earns more than 65k. Bearing in mind they all own their own homes, saved their own deposits in the last 5 or 6 yrs, go on foreign hols, bought all their own contents, have a car each, I think your son needs to learn how to live on what he earns. You also have a duty to him to stop bailing him out and teach him to manage better. By the way you can get blinds on line and fit them yourself for very little so why you need to help pay for this is beyond me. Invite him for meals but stop paying his way. He sounds indulged and spoilt.

Electric? Who the hell does he think he is!!! This young man is an out and out scrounger and so entitled its beyond belief. Seriously you must stop this bank rolling, its beyond a joke. Youve created a monster.

I think you need to let him manage his money himself and not give him handouts as otherwise he will become too used to it !

2 income household here and we were on about the same , with 4 children between us , rent is the same as that mortgage . High levels of debt ( credit cards etc ) along with running 2 cars and one of those being a financed vehicle at £200 pm . We managed . Yeah , not a load spare but we had what we needed . To have that income for just myself , I would feel rich lol .

I think you need to sit down with him and get this out in the open. I would stay completely calm and point out that you aren't blaming him but you wonder if he needs to seek some help from external services that provide support with finances. Point out the amount you have given him and explain that you gave that freely because you love him and you know he really appreciated it but you are worried that even when he's received this huge help that the majority of people wouldn't bet he's still struggling to budget for things that should be within his capabilities. I'd tell him you don't want to intrude into his finances but you don't think it's helpful for you to keep providing for him as you want to know he will be financially secure and able in the future. Reinforce that you love him and hope offer to look for the financial support services with him. Then bring then back up any time that he says he cant afford something - did you budget for it? Did you discuss it with your financial support? Are you accessing budgeting resources? Do you have a slush fund you can take that from - no - then I think you need to create one for emergencies like this and work on how you can include savings into your budget. If he can't afford the mortgage then he's bought outside of his means and needs to buy something he can afford.

I earn the same amount of money. But I’m a teacher- which comes with a good pension. After the £500+ comes out for pension, student loan -£250, then tax and national insurance. I take home £3110.

Assuming he doesn’t have student loan and a high paying pension- he should be taking home at least £3300 plus!

If his mortgage is only £1000, that leaves at least £2k for bills, food etc etc

He is taking the mick! Teach him how to budget, that’s the best thing you can give him!

I agree - this is bordering on spoilt brat behaviour which is not a good look for a 28 year old.
Buy the basics or what the budget will allow and upgrade later when affordable without whinging to mummy and daddy.
99.9% of the population can probably manage to open and close their own curtains and blinds so what makes these a necessity?

This! ⬆️

Of course he wanted electric blinds - you were paying!

On that sort of salary , to be short he must spend a lot on himself ( nice clothes maybe and socialising) perhaps he should prioritise his outgoings

Just be straight. He's an adult. On an above average wage. Things take time to save for. And he is responsible for himself financially.
If anything stop helping him financially. Set a boundary. Give him his problems to deal with. Don't solve his financial issues. You are incredibly kind to give that much money! Look after yourselves for your retirement. Do you see him helping you back later on in life?

FYI I am on under half of that and older than him.
And I give money TO my parents.
And I am saving up for my own house deposit. They are not giving me anything.
Its on me to earn more and try hard in my career. It's on me to budget and save for anything I want financially in life.
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I think stop giving him handouts. It seems like he expects your help. But he needs to realise he is an adult now on a very good salary. If he can't afford things he needs to budget. His back is not against the wall. He is struggling for niceities. That's on him to make those possible by making sacrifices elsewhere.

I have a nephew who is mid 30s. He is still expecting his parents and family to give him money for anything that isn't fun money. Yet he has a kid and is earning a good salary. He needs to be made responsible for his own needs, rather than being given handouts by family. It allows the behaviour to continue and reinforces it.

I would be concerned that he's struggling on that income to be honest, and my concern would be, where is his money going if you're having to help pay for essentials? Is he in any other kind of trouble that he may be hiding from you? Many young people l, especially in high pressure jobs which I assume he must be at his salary, try to find ways of coping with high volume of work, can be any number of things but my concern would be possibly drugs. I know it sounds far fetched, but to struggling for meals and blinds for his house on his salary is not normal

Your son needs to contact someone who can help him look at his finances, such as a charity like CAP Money. He is earning more than enough to cover living costs, as far as I can see. He probably needs help to see where he is going wrong.

Do you think maybe he's gambling or on some kind of drugs.

Honestly, you shouldn't be giving him anything, he is on a good salary and you have paid out loads to help him buy a property. He needs to look at his 'essentials' i imagine he's paying for loads of unnecessary stuff that he wants rather than needs.

He should be able to manage fairly well on that income. If he can't he should be thinking about a lodger. And not asking you for money.

£65k means he is taking home £4,025 every month. £1k on a mortgage is nothing really is it? C Tax £180ish, food eating like a king is £400, student loan £250? Come on, he's pulling a stroke here bless his cotton socks

One of my colleagues earns that and is always saying how poor they are. They rent, are a bit older than your DS and don't have a fancy lifestyle or amazing holidays. They eat very little and have a quiet social life. They don't have a car or wear flash clothes. I do think they are supporting family. That's the only explanation as they always say they can't afford to buy a flat.

Your tax estimate is way off. I reckon its about £3.5k after tax and then will probably pay a good chunk (£300-400) into pension. So should be getting about £2k before other bills.

After heat light water council tax on his own and food it should leave a lot but if he's running a car or taking nice holidays plus maybe saving a bit it doesn't leave anything for fripperies.

according to https://www.thesalarycalculator.co.uk/salary.php £3740 after tax and student loan. So £2440 IF he is paying £300 into a pension, who knows? Lots of younger people opt out. Even then, how many people have more than £2000 each month just for bills (which as a single person won't be that much) and free spends?

Plus running an expensive car (a normal one would be a few hundred quid max, even on PCP) and nice holidays surely ARE "fripperies!"

Dont stick up for him! I could manage on that no problem. He is scamming his parents for money!!!!!!

My husband earns about 67, our rent is 1600 and we have debts. Your son should be fine