Daughter has wrecked the walls

[whatthehell1e]

8 year old daughter in a tantrum as I told her off for her behaviour yesterday (she painted the wardrobe in my room with her paints). I walked upstairs and she has sprayed her room, my room, hallway and her brother’s wall in baby oil. Whole brand new bottle. I have wiped it with towels but it’s not coming off. It looks like it has but after 5th attempt the wall dries but oil marks very visible. I’m really stressed. We cannot afford to decorate it all and it looks horrendous. I actually thought it was damp before I saw the empty oil bottle.

Hi @minipie what did you find worked to help your daughter react more appropriately please

Taking away the iPad for a week is not really a suitable consequence for her behaviour.

If one of my (nearly) 8 year olds did this then they wouldn't see their tablet for at least a month as a starting point

Its no wonder MN gets a bad rep when this the type of advice OP gets from the same poster nevertheless 😂

Very judgemental. If my child hadn't been given a tablet, there is a high chance they would still be non verbal and they would almost certainly never cope with going on any outings beyond the usual supermarket.

I don’t think this that big of a deal and I would try and put things into perspective.

She hasn’t done anything that is irreversible/can’t be fixed without costing too much.

Focus on the real issue here, which is why your child did it.

My DD would do stupid stuff like this and she is ND.
But she rarely did them out of anger. Usually she would just paint the walls because she thought it would look pretty as she struggles to understand the consequences of her actions.
Once I understood that she couldn’t necessarily help it, it helped me to not be so angry/upset about it.

The fact that she was having a tantrum may mean there is something else going on.

I would speak calmly to her and ask why she did it.
Its possible that she doesn’t know why.

I would give her a punishment of taking the iPad away for a day but the biggest lesson needs to be that she helps you clean it up.

If you talk through her emotions as much as possible and stay as calm as you can with her then eventually she should be able to say when she’s starting to feel sad/angry and then you can deal with it before anything like this happens again.

Depending on which Zinsser primer you're using, there may well be no need for white spirit anyway. They make three that I can think of, only one of which cleans up with white spirit. Another one is water based and cleans up with water. And one is shellac based, and is the only paint I've ever used that needs methylated spirit to clean the brushes and not white spirit.

(NB despite the names, white spirit and methylated spirit are not particularly similar. White spirit is a petroleum product used as a replacement for turpentine. Meths is basically alcohol, but fiddled with so people can't drink it safely.)

What a bizarre and pointless thing to do. If she'd had any sense she'd have taken it away and sold it to help cover the cost of whatever he'd done - and explained what she was doing and why. Smashing shit up is never the answer.

Why does everyone automatically jump to the conclusion she has suffered some kind of trauma or is ND....she could just be a brat!

That is still a reason and it’s important OP finds out what the reason is so it can be avoided in the future.

Kids don’t misbehave for no reason.
That reason could just be that she’s feeling unloved or left out for any reason as many kids do at certain ages.

Sugar soap will do
ir but it is very aggressive a child should not be using it. Get her to do it with washing up liquid to teach her a lesson the n sugar soap it yourself. Wear gloves and eye protection.

Sugar soap is amazing. I use it to do my annual cleaning of kitchen cupboards. It cuts through grease like magic.

But also, if I had behaved like that I would have been sent to my room. And staying there would have been enforced. Her shouting and revenge are unacceptable.

For homework for starters. My dc has had one from he started school for maths and literacy games.

I'm sorry but I would go fucking nuclear over this
And how would that help anyone?
I would call my insurance company.
They would laugh at you.

mine didn’t when a child tipped a large can of matt paint on my landing carpet. Stair and hall carpet was replaced.

I think people are minimising the damage and insurance may well be needed.

The oil will likely have soaked right into the plaster or plasterboard and no amount of washing is going to get rid of it. At the very least you’ll need a very heavy duty stain blocker before redecorating

Why were you giving her a hard time today about something she did yesterday?

Sounds like she thought a line was drawn under yesterday’s issue and you brought it up again today. I’m not saying her response is appropriate, but being berated for something you’ve done multiple times is horrible. You feel like you don’t know when it’s over.

Sounds like ND to me. Speaking as a parent of an ND….,

Sugar soap is pretty mild tbh.
Unisolve Heavy Duty Degreaser - miracle stuff! It's a commercial, professional product, but you can buy online in 5 litre bottles for less than £15. You then dilute and put in an old spray bottle as and when.
Doesn't really smell of anything and is brilliant for greasy, oily areas. It lasts ages.

The OP made no mention of MD. No 8 year old should have an iPad unless it is controlled monitored and timed -and for a specific thing. The brains are so plastic you damage it with electronics - end of

Same, I would also be talking about why etc and trying to find out the thought process.
I also where with posters that she will not understand how bad baby oil is.

she scrubs the walls, daily, until they are clean

Absolutely!

You will need accidental damage for the insurance to pay out on your contents insurance.

Oh that must be really stressful for you. I'd give washing up liquid a go and if that doesn't work then sugar soap is really good for greasy marks.

Your DD is exhibiting some worrying behaviour. You seem a bit too focused on the walls and not focused enough on your DD. Do you think it is possible she is trying to get your attention?

What she has done is clearly unacceptable but you need to understand and help her stop.

@Chippy4me

it IS a big deal though

It is going to take OP a lot of time and money to fix - oil doesn’t come out of walls easy, they will likely need to redecorate in order for them to look decent

Don’t be ridiculous. I don’t know any 8 year olds without an iPad or tablet of some description.